Gable End Graffiti

Blog in Abeyance...

2010-07-25T20:25:00.000+01:00

...for now....

Terry Masson signs

2010-06-24T19:25:00.000+01:00

So, we've signed our first new player of the close season. Terry Masson, a former Dundee United youth teamer, is a central midfielder who played half a season at Castle Greyskull, and made fitful appearances towards the end of last season for the Village People.

By all accounts, he is a slight, ball playing midfielder with a good eye for a pass. Both Red Schichties and Hedgetrimmers fans have been quite complimentary about him, and ST has had his eye on him for a while, so it seems like a good signing.

There are rumours of one or two more players being signed, one of who is an ex-Red Schichties centre half, the other a more physical midfielder with a range of Angus clubs to his name. We shall see...

Fixtures Out

2010-06-17T09:54:00.003+01:00

So, our league season kicks off with an unaccustomedly early visit from the Spiders on the 7th August; we then have a brief detour to the grim plum plastic of Larbert to face a financially-weakened Shire, who astonishingly have just re-signed Sean Anderson; then, on the 21st, the Red Schichties roll into town for our first league derby in three seasons. With Annan Agricultural providing the last opposition of August, it's an unusually, and maybe deceptively, favourable start to the season for Montrose. Let's hop that, for a change, we can make a decent start this season. Montrose have been notoriously slow starters in the league down the years (indeed in several campaigns we seem to have failed to start until mid-October), and it's a habit we urgently need to break. Happily, the money-spinning New Year derby is also at Links Park.

Here are this season's fixtures

Season Ticket Offer

2010-06-16T10:00:00.001+01:00

I've been asked to inform you all that the club are offering a 10% season ticket discount, if ordered before the start of July. Contact the office at Links Park to take up this offer. It's a saving of £15, so not to be sniffed at!

The Phoney War of the Close Season

2010-06-08T11:38:00.003+01:00

Historians normally refer to the first eight months of the second world war as The Phoney War for, although conflict had broken out, nothing actually happened in Western Europe, other than the odd battleship being sunk, and a lone RAF biplane throwing handfuls of gravel at the nearest German port. So it is in this close season. Even we've grown bored of repeating the fact that Paul Tosh has re-signed as a player/coach, and we've signed two new goalkeepers.

Patience is required, however. There is likely to be a lot of news as the season approaches, and news of real substance, rather than the pitiful noises-off in the Review to the effect that the club is at death's door financially. It really isn't hard to get stuff printed in the Review, however getting stuff in there that is actually backed up with some evidence may be a little harder- the getting the evidence bit, that is.

Although, like all lower league clubs, there isn't the money around that there was five or six years ago, nonetheless, a new look Montrose team will take to the park in August determined to put last season's truly calamitous campaign behind us, with a behind the scenes unity that has been missing from Links Park for at least four years. No one is claiming next season will be easy, but, whatever the results, it's going to be a heck of a lot more enjoyable knowing that the performance of the team and the results on the park are the only things that matter, and not Machiavellian intrigues, closed-doors puffing out of pigeon chests, and pathetic draining he said-she-said rumour-mongering piffle.

Perhaps the most important signing for next season has been made in the last few days. Former Loons boss, Anvil Abusers backroom boy, and sidekick to Jocky "Wha's in Cherge Here?" Scott at Dumpdee, Ray Farningham, will be Steven Tweed's new assistant for 2010-11. Farningham had several possibilities to work elsewhere but chose to resume his good working relationship with Steven. He brings a huge contact list and vast experience of the lower leagues with him, and this new appointment will certainly help improve the performances and fitness of the squad next season. Some have rather unkindly suggested that Steven has appointed his successor. In fact, the arrival of such an experienced and respected coach at the club, is just a wee reminder of the level and range of contacts that the manager brings to the table. Would a coach like that have shown up at Links Park without the personal contact with ST? Somehow I doubt it.

Astonishingly, the first pre-season friendly is scheduled for the day before the World Cup final, when a yawning, tubby and reluctant Raith Rovers will roll off their sun loungers and back into their absurdly coloured Nike predators, to face us. It seems that pre-season will be used to look at many new faces on trial, with the best of them to be signed at some point before the shooting begins in earnest up at Balmoor in late July. I'd say we need another striker, a pair of reliable and consistent central midfielders, and maybe one more defensive utility player type.

Jim Moffat leaves Montrose FC

2010-06-03T09:49:00.002+01:00

In this morning's Courier Jim Moffat's departure from the club, as assistant manager, is revealed. Tweed has decided to move things in a different direction for next season, and with Moffat facing increased work commitments the time had come for a change.

In his comments, Tweed states that he has no new candidate in mind to replace the assistant manager, but presumably he'll be working to fill the position as quickly as possible.

On the transfer front, it's as quiet as the grave at the moment. The arrival of Scott Bennett and Sandy Wood to play in goal has been confirmed, but with many players on holiday that's as far as it goes at the moment. This summer, with money so tight in the lower leagues, I think it may well be that players are signed up much nearer to the start of the season, than has been the case in past summers. It's a waiting game at the moment; as soon as there is any news, I'll stick it up on here.

Third Division 2010-11 takes shape

2010-05-20T09:58:00.003+01:00

So, the annual high-octane farce of the play offs is now behind us and, for once, the entirely unnecessary cup competition at the end of a league season produced the right result, in that the team who finished as runners up in Division 3 actually went up.

The Red Schichties made light work of the Spiders, 6-2 on aggregate, in the semi-final, whilst Faaaaarrrrfirrrr narrowly squeaked past the Shire, whose bottle crashed yet again at the semi final stage. This set up a tumultuous cross-Angus clash of claymores in the final. By all accounts, the goalless stalemate at Castle Greyskull charted new territories of tedium, as both sides were fiercely determined not to lose. This left the maroon hordes to travel to Station Park at the weekend, needing a result to preserve their division two status. There was some optimism amongst the plooky beetroot clad dunces for, under Jim Weir, their away form has actually been quite decent. Alas! A slipshod and gutless showing saw them slip noiselessly beneath the waves of the upper league, and into the subterranean depths of our awful footballing dungeon, whilst the lurking Faarfir submarine joyously broke the surface, and the sky blue crew had a party. I'll miss the trips to Station Park, if for no other reason than we usually do quite well there. However, I won't miss the atmosphereless sullen silence of the home supporters, who are amongst the most cantankerous and hyper-critical fans in the lower two divisions. A crowd of over 2,000 turned up to watch the last rites being read for the hapless Schichties, yet a Montrose spy at the game texted me with Over two thousand here and nae atmosphere.

Laughter aside, it's hard to see the wretched Smokies finishing outwith the top four next season. Weir has been very unlucky with injuries, never having a full side to choose from, and also mistakenly did a Souness after taking over, freeing far too many players far too quickly, and then not being able to sign adequate replacements. It could be argued that the massively lucky circumstances of A*****th's promotion two seasons ago has, finally, evened itself out. Still, it will be a major surprise if they fail to mount a reasonable challenge for the title next season. Normally, ourselves and the Smokies-came-from-Auchmithie-not-A*****th-You-Thieving-Urchins XI are fairly evenly matched. Next season, the derbies are likely to see a guerrilla style war from us in order to avoid defeat in the derbies- shivering up a mountainside with a world war one rifle, and a home made hand grenade for company, whilst their well equipped battalion parades on the roadside below. If Weir avoids haemorrhaging his few reasonable players, a play off place should be the very least of their ambitions. We shall see.

It would be remiss also not to congratulate the Miners who, in a towsy encounter at Hedge Park, clambered into the first division, in one of the more remarkable promotion stories ever written in the history of the game in Scotland. Only promoted by default last summer, as the losing play-off finalists, thanks to the near death experience of Livingslime, and drowning in the choppy waters of financial ruin and an inadequate museum piece of a "stadium", the Fife side nonetheless will be playing first division football in 2010-11, among the most of their good fortune with a small and tight squad of hard working, determined players. When Cowden lost at Links Park at the end of 2008-9, I thought then that they would be spending many years in the third division; I'm sure I'm not the only lower league fan who will be following their fortunes with interest next season.

Things have gone a little quiet on the behind the scenes front. However, more broadly, the financial outlook for clubs in the SFL is as bad as I can remember it. Only today Dundee chairman Bob Brannan has warned that the Dens Park side will fold without greater input from fans. If that's true at Dens Park, then it's all the more true everywhere else. It seems set to be an interesting- and very worrying-summer.

Summer on Gable End Graffiti

2010-05-06T12:41:00.002+01:00

This blog normally writes itself during the football season, with a weekly match preview, report, and foul mouthed assessments of the dismal failures of our opponents. Certainly, we'll be keeping everything crossed that the abysmal Red Schichties suffer a humiliating failure and relegation in the play-offs, now that their participation in them has been confirmed. Things haven't gone to plan in the semi final stage; the wretched Maroon Malevolence shredded the nervous and occasion-struck Spiders 4-0 last night, at Hampden, but I fancy they may et come unstack in the final, which looks likely to be against Faaaaarrrrrfiiirrrrr.

However, during the summer, things fall away a bit. I will try and keep it updated at least once a week, particularly with news of new signings and departures from the club, as they are confirmed. This is also a World Cup summer, and there will be plenty to talk about there. Blogs will probably go into overdrive on the world cup, but this one won't. I'm backing Slovenia in Scotland's absence, so there will be previews and reports from those games.

I think next season starts at the end of July, so the normal pattern on here will resume around then. Keep looking in!

Thank God That's Over : Season 2009-10

2010-05-06T11:40:00.002+01:00

So, the dust has finally settled on the most rotten campaign anyone following Montrose can remember.

The last time we came bottom of the third division, in 1998-99, under Kevin Drinkell, we ended up with thirty points, having won eight games. This season, we've won three fewer games, six fewer points, and have ended the season absolutely marooned, ten points behind a demonstrably abysmal Elgin side. The Scottish Cup run was a very rare bright thread, in an otherwise unrelentingly grim tapestry of abject failure.

The roots of this wretched season ran deep. Season 2008-9 ended on a note of optimism, with the club having narrowly failed to reach the play-offs, and the newly installed Steven Tweed had made a promising start to his managerial career. Even the most downbeat of Montrose fans would not have expected a bottom placed finish in the season to come.

Sadly, the civil war that was fought between Tweed and some elements then in the boardroom, were a major factor in the slow motion car crash that we've all witnessed. With a drastically reduced budget, Tweed was obliged to release the likes of Bradley and Hunter, players who had ensured that Montrose were a tricky and unpredictable opponent. The replacement of these players with juniors and cast offs who hadn't made the grade elsewhere, hardly inspired confidence.

We began the season with rumblings of discontent behind the scenes at Links Park, and a thin and inexperienced squad. The successful under-19 team were blooded a season too early in the first team. After a miserable few weeks, Tweed had to bring in fresh players, including McNeil, Tomana and the on-loan Paul Watson, stating that the youth teams were "there to augment the squad, not be the squad". The folly of an over-emphasis on youth was most painfully illustrated in the defeat down at Stair Park to a poor Stranraer side. Montrose's young boys were simply bullied off the park by a team with greater experience, and much greater physical presence. The worrying lack of funds to address the on field problems were made clear when the supporters set up their own Save Our Squad fund, to try and help the beleagured Tweed attract new players. the signing of Paul Watson and Tomana seemed to pay dividends initially, with a fighting 2-2 draw at Station Park, sealed by a last gasp 35 yard thunderbolt from Chris Hegarty. That was a game we really should have won, against a strangely listless and out of sorts Forfar.

A narrow and unfortunate defeat at Links Park to a struggling and form bereft Queens Park, on a rainy Tuesday night in October, saw Tweed abused by a small minority of the home support for the first time, whilst other fans voiced criticism of the then chairman and director of football. Still without a win, the club travelled north to face Banks O'Dee in the second round of the cup, with many fans fearing an embarrassing defeat.

The resultant comfortable victory showed the the side could play- and battle on through the biggest downpour I've ever watched a football match in. Cup form never looked likely to be replicated in the league, though, and the side passe up good opportunities to close out a first league win of the season- particularly in home games against Stranraer and Annan. These frustrating near-misses were offset with some utterly abject home defeats, where we simply gave games away through carelessness and lac of concentration. A 1-3 defensive disaster against Berwick Rangers ranks highly in that category.

The long freeze in December and January allowed the club to take stock a little bit. It was clear that certain members of the board wanted Tweed gone, but the money was not available to pay off his contract. There may also have been reluctance to change the manager whilst the club was still involved in the Scottish Cup, which had unexpectedly continued after a battling 2-1 home win against a desperate East Fife. The side entered the unscheduled winter shutdown on the back of a 2-3 defeat at Hampden, again unfortunate, but leaving Tweed tearing out the wispy fibres of his beard in rage, at the shortcomings of a half hearted and defensively slack Montrose showing.

The "high" point of the season undoubtedly came between the end of January and March. Further progress was made in the Cup at the expense of Edinburgh City, in a "nostalgic" trip to Meadowbank stadium. The club closed out an impressive 3-1 win, with remarkable goals scored by Stevie Nicholas, signed on a short term deal, and Daryl Nicol. That Saturday, we finally won, at the twentieth time of asking, down at Shielfield Park. The 2-0 success was fully merited, and hugely enjoyable, but with a professional display such as that, questions were asked as to why Montrose had failed in each of their previous nineteen games.

A week later, we were finally shot down in flames in the Cup, 5-1 by Hibs at Easter Road, but a 600-strong travelling support outsang the home fans throughout the match, and Andy McNeil put his name back on the sports pages, with a courageous and obdurate display in the Montrose goal. The passion for the club is still there in the town, and the players showed that they could really raise their performance level when necessary. The difficulty was in securing that level of performance every week, thereby encouraging some of the stay-aways in that crowd of 600, to come back to Links Park on a regular basis.

In March, the team finally gelled for a few games. Four victories were recorded, the stand outs being a battling 3-2 success against East Stirlingshire at the depressing half finished plastic surrounds of Ochilview, and a remarkable 4-0 destruction of Forfar at Links Park. A narrow single goal success up at Borough Briggs briefly lifted the side above Elgin, and hopes amongst the support that we could avoid bottom place.

Sadly, the end of the season was to be as miserable as the beginning. We finally surrendered a proud 13 year unbeaten record at Station Park, and finished the campaign by shipping five goals in each of our last two games. Whilst being destroyed at home, 5-0, by the championship winning Franchise, was no disgrace, the same cannot be said of last Saturday's awful capitulation up at Elgin. Needless to say, with only one point gained since Steven Tweed won the manager of the month award for March, the side finished well adrift at the foot of the table, all the early spring optimism having long dissipated.

So, what lessons can be learned?

Steven Tweed is a proud man, and he will be deeply hurt and embarrassed by the failure of his team this season. It's fair to say that the nature of his signings last summer, showed that he underestimated just how hard a league the third division is to get out of. We paid dearly for that in the first couple of months of the season. Further, the team's disciplinary record was absolutely abysmal throughout the campaign. The suspensions accrued seriously hurt our chances of ever getting off the bottom of the table for long. Disappointingly, the team seemed unable to concentrate for a whole ninety minutes. With the exception of cup games, we seemed to switch off for a minimum of twenty five minutes every game- that kind of dip in performance simply cannot be sustained at senior level. Some of the younger players had decent enough seasons- I'm thinking of Andy McNeil, Fraser Milligan, Aaron Sinclair, and, latterly, Daryl Nicol. The signings of Stephen McNally and Paul Tosh, although they inspired some initial doubts amongst the fans, proved inspired. However, too many of our other senior players were too consistently inconsistent, and they must aim to improve.

It's a puzzle to many opposition fans that Steven is still in a job at Links Park. He certainly gained a lot more sympathy from the fans last season than would normally be the case, because of the rumours circulating about behind the scenes goings-on. However, he really needs to get a grip of the squad this summer, and start producing results. There is a different board at Links Park now, a budget for next season has been agreed, and there is no impediment to the team making progress. If we start the season with a thin and under-trained squad, and some poor results, the calls for Tweed to go will grow substantially, and his position will be much harder to defend.

I don't want to say anything about the boardroom shenanigans. Two prominent members of the board have left to pursue new projects, and there is nothing to be gained from going over old ground. The task we all have now is to work with the board, to try and raise money for the club over the summer. More information will come out in the coming weeks, I'm sure, but with the club back in the hands of a locally based board of directors, we all have to play our part in ensuring that we move and progress back towards respectability and competitiveness, on and off the park, after this dreadful low point.

So, this, I suppose, is the summary of season 2009-10: never again!

Elgin City 5, Montrose 2

2010-05-02T16:25:00.002+01:00

Looks like I got the decision not to go right.

By the sounds of it, the only thing worth dignifying with a mention, about yesterday, was Tosh-ers two goals, leaving the veteran finishing his half season with a very respectable total of nine.

Otherwise, an apathetic defensive shambles seems to have been the story of yesterday and a raging coachload of fans, after the team sloped off without acknowledging their existence at the final whistle.

I'll put up a long article later on this week about the season now thankfully over, and the comings and goings on the transfer front.

Ins and Outs Part One

2010-04-28T13:29:00.002+01:00

Today's Courier reveals the first movements behind the scenes at Links Park, with the season over in all but name.

Alan Campbell and Steven McNally have both been impressive in Montrose's slight improvement in the spring, and on the back of their showings have signed again for 2010-11. They are joined by James Collier, who has caught the eye since finally making his debut a couple of weeks back at Galabank.

It's been an ill-concealed secret that Andy McNeil was leaving for Raith Rovers, where he has been training full time for most of the last season, and this is all but confirmed in an article in today's Courier. Steven Coutts, who started the season as first choice keeper but who has had a very minor role since McNeil's arrival, is also leaving the club in search of a regular first team start. I'd expect news on our goalkeepers for next season, to be announced shortly after the final whistle this weekend. Of the outfielders, Marek Tomana, unsurprisingly, will be released.

Paul Tosh has been offered a player coach deal for next season, and appears minded to sign, although there seems to be one or two details of this deal still to be agreed. Tosh had an outstanding start to his Montrose career, and will be a very valuable permanent addition if indeed he can be persuaded to stay on. There's been too much of a load on Tweed and Moffat this season, and it's important that the burdens of coaching can be shared equally.

A summary of departing players and a review of the season will go up over the course of the next week, along with any further news on signings and departures.

Montrose (0) 0-5 (1) Franchise FC

2010-04-26T14:57:00.002+01:00

Enough said, really!

We competed well for the first forty minutes. Then, with time needing to be seen out until the interval, we gave away a ridiculous goal, when the Franchise winger was allowed to twist and turn and deliver a cross from the byeline, when the ball should have been shepherded out long before. The ball was cracked home from in between the six yard box and the penalty spot.

The second half was a protracted nightmare, with Montrose simply torn apart by a fit, confident and determined Franchise XI. They scored four well worked goals and exposed our glaring deficiencies in the process, with surgical ruthlessness.

Loathsome they might be as a club, the Franchise showed that, on the pitch, they were worthy champions at the weekend- just as we delivered a "performance" in keeping with a side seven points adrift at the foot of a terrible league. I was so dismayed by the whole pitiful collapse that I just went straight home, and gave the end of season do a miss. I really wasn't in the mood.

I thought Coutts did as well as could be expected, Collier tried hard in the middle of the park, and so did Gemmell in the first half. Aaron also had a decent first forty five minutes but faded away badly after the break. Other than that, our overstretched, thin squad looked exhausted, jaded, and in need of the end of this dreadful season a fortnight ago.

I'm not going to Elgin next weekend, so for me the season is over. Once next Saturday is out the way, there will be time enough to assessed the "released" list when it is made public, and a way forward from this dire shambles of a season becomes a bit clearer.

Bring on the football-free Saturdays! For the first time that I can remember, I'm actually really looking forward to the close season this year.

Team: Coutts, McNally, Fleming, Hegarty, Tweed, Collier, Milligan, Davidson, Tosh, Gemmell, Sinclair.

Montrose FC Player of the Season 2009-10

2010-04-18T16:27:00.003+01:00

Well, with the season almost at an end, and with only one more qualifying game to go, against the vile Franchise, the race for the "coveted" Gable End Graffiti Player of the Season 2009-10 award is almost at an end. Our last update was on a very bored Sunday in mid-December. Remember, the prize is a drink of the winner's choice at the end of season presentation at the Links Hotel next weekend.

Aaron Sinclair led the running with eight points in December. Here's how the table looks now:

Andy McNeil - 14

Aaron Sinclair- 11

Fraser Milligan- 10

Steven Tweed- 9

Marek Tomana, Hugh "Scooby" Davidson, Sean Crighton - 8

Steven McNally - 7

John Gemmill, Paul Tosh- 6 (Paul Watson also had 6 points but has been disqualified since his traitorous defection to the Bridies in the transfer window)

Those are the scorers who have been awarded at least six points this season. It looks like Andy McNeil's won, unless someone turns into Lionel Messi against the Franchise on Saturday. I may also award a "prize" for the best outfielder, in which case Fraser and Aaron are the two with everything to, er, win next weekend.

Forfar Athletic (0) 2-0 (0) Montrose

2010-04-17T18:38:00.003+01:00

A sunny day yesterday in Forfar, but it clouded over a bit in the second half, and a swirling wind around Station Park never let either set of players relax.

With yet another set of injuries and suspensions to contend with, Tweed sent out just about the only team he could have. As predicted, Coutts replaced McNeil in goal, but so dire is our injury situation and so thin is the first team squad, that McNeil was named as the sub keeper. Warming up before hand, it was still pretty obvious that McNeil couldn't kick a dead ball very far. Tosh and Stevie Nicholas started up front, with the youngsters, Boyle and "Elvis" Pressly returning to the bench. The boys, playing all in white, lined up: Coutts, McNally, Sinclair, Hegarty, Tweed, Maitland, Milligan, Davidson, Tosh, Nicholas, Nicol.

We played with the wind in the first half, and came close on a couple of occasions. Hegarty rattled the bar with a corner, as Forfar goalkeeper McLean flapped horribly. We managed four or five corners in a row, but the final ball just wouldn't fall for us. There was some good approach play, Tosh also shot just wide, but we had little to show for our efforts with the wind at our backs.

Things took a decisive turn for the worse immediately after the re-start. Forfar won a corner, which was swung in. Coutts and Tweed both rose to clear it, but, the ball, oddly, seemed to get caught between the two. It fell to the ground, and Templeman lashed home from three centimetres. This was a poor start, and seemed much worse when it became pretty obvious that, going forward, we possessed all the attacking menace of a three-legged ant-eater.

The referee was our old "friend", the barely-old-enough-to-shave Mr. Beaton. With the clock winding down on a remarkably tedious game, "Scooby" Davidson burst into the box, and was tripped right in front of us. In the parallel universe inhabited by Mr. Beaton, Scooby dived and was given a yellow card. The official was clearly taken aback by the ferocious abuse he received as a result of that clearly mistaken decision, and he backed away sharpish from the fans who'd rushed, roaring, to the advertising hoardings, like volcanic lava tumbling down a mountainside.

Stevie Nicholas, in the one contribution he made in an otherwise anonymous showing in the no. 10 shirt, received the ball in from the enclosure touchline, about thirty yards from goal. He dinked an excellent left foot flighted pass straight into the path of the onrushing "Tosher", who'd craftily stayed onside- all but in the eyes of the linesman. On planet Beaton, Tosh was offside, resulting in a Forfar free kick, when in fact he was clearly onside, and looked good to level the scores.

Still, we can't blame the officials this time, however sub-standard they were in the second half. Collier and Boyle were brought on in the last twenty minutes, far too late to decisively affect the course of the game. To add a dusting of coarse rock salt into the open wound of our performance, "Foxy" Fotheringham scored with a beautifully struck raking drive which beat Coutts all ends up, from the edge of the penalty area, in the last moments of the game.

Forfar will see this game as a routine win as they begin to prepare for the play-offs. For us, it was a limp, feeble surrender of our proud record at this venue and that's what disappointed so many of our travelling fans yesterday.

The current coaching arrangement is not working. Tweed is fully involved in events on the park, but it doesn't seem like Moffat has the authority to introduce subs on his own. As a result, the subs have to wait for minutes on end before Tweed gives Moffat the signal to get them on. In yesterday's game, when the first team selection clearly wasn't working out, we were crying out for fast and bold substitutions, and that didn't happen, to our cost.

Too many of our players were just poor yesterday. In particular, Stevie Nicholas looked less than impressed by some of the withering assessments by some fans of his "performance". He once again looked pretty disinterested yesterday, backing away from several 50-50 challenges and failing to make himself available when we were going forward. I don't see what's to be gained by fielding him ahead of Boyle, who, sure, may make mistakes through lack of experience, but needs the game time.

Stevie Nic can be a quality player when motivated, as I've said all season, and he's an exciting talent as he's shown at many previous clubs. However, it seems like he's not bothered any more, and is just seeing out the season; that's not good enough. It's the SOS money that we all donated, that pays his wages, and, at the moment, we're not getting a good return for our investment.

In the longer term, we really need to concentrate on the squad members we need for next season, and add to them with some *proper* replacements in the close season- not just whoever's available. Despite yesterday, I still feel there is the core of a good squad in the current group of players, we just need more experience and strength in depth to challenge again. How that agenda is developed over the summer will determine not only the future of our club, but manager Tweed's future in the first few games of 2010-11.

I can't wait for this truly godawful season to be done with. Indeed, next Saturday's home game with the Franchise may be my last. Unless there's something to play for on May 1st, I can't see myself being arsed with the last game of the season up in Elgin.

Crowd: about 450, between 80-100 making the journey from Montrose, and leaving sorely disappointed at the end of our long unbeaten run at Station Park.

Man of the Match: I'm going for McNally again, for another steady shift at the back. Hegarty had a good game, and James Collier brought some much needed energy and effort to the performance, when he came on.

Faaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrfiiiiiiiiirrrrr Preview

2010-04-16T10:51:00.003+01:00

So, after a beautiful week of weather, hopefully the conditions will persist for tomorrow's trip to Station Park.

The fortunes of both sides have changed somewhat since our remarkable 4-0 drubbing of the Bridies a couple of Tuesdays back. At the end of that game, we seemed set to stride away from Elgin and leave them marooned at the bottom of the league for another season; in fact, the opposite has been the case. Meanwhile, it looked back then that the Loons wouldn't win again this season, indeed, so awful was their performance that night, that it seemed amazing that they had won at all during 2009-10.

Fester's side stopped the awful rot in the following game, with a backs-to-the wall 1-1 draw against the Wee Rovers. Since then, they have won four games on the bounce, scoring thirteen goals and conceding just two, still have a mathematical if unlikely-in-reality chance of catching the Franchise, and have now guaranteed themselves a play off spot at least. It's unlikely that they will finish lower than third, and so can begin to turn half an eye towards playing the notoriously bottling Shire in the play off semi finals. Amongst their recent impressive performances was a battling 3-2 win over the Franchise at the yellow plastic West Lothian pustule, hilariously driving a squadron of panzers over the "Livi" championship-winning celebration marquee in the process. Moreover, Faaaarfir go into this game having not played in midweek, so will be better rested than us after our bruising and attritional double header against Annan Agricultural.

We've not lost at this venue for thirteen years, and if we win tomorrow it really will confirm that we have some kind of Indian sign over the Bridies on their own patch. Some of the real high points in recent seasons have come at this ground; our 5-1 cup triumph in 2004, a ridiculously one sided 3-0 win last April, when Fraser Milligan, at the peak of his powers, shredded a ten man home side (Steven McNally, you'll remember, had been ordered off after an altercation with David Cox in the first half). Even this season, an injury-stricken, confidence-bereft and inexperienced Montrose side did really well to grind out a 2-2 draw in the autumn, with Chris Hegarty's last gasp equaliser brilliantly rescuing a point- the very least we deserved from that game.

The trouble we will have tomorrow is, who's going to be fit to play? Gemmill is gone through suspension; Tomana and McNeil were both injured; the cupboard is very bare for Steven Tweed, as he umms and ahs over a very thin looking team line up. I'm sure Andy McNeil will be all right to return to goal tomorrow, as his knock didn't seem too bad; I'm less sure that Marek will make it, as his left shin/ankle looked to have been badly damaged. I think we will start with the same back four, Davidson and Hegarty in defensive midfield with Fleming ready to resume down the left win if Tomana is, as I suspect, ruled out. Up front, we'll just have to hope Tosh has returned to fitness, and is motivated to cause a load of problems for his old club. Stevie Nic should be fit, but I'd waver between starting him and young Martin Boyle, assuming he is available.

Montrose simply need to win all three remaining matches to give themselves any chance of avoiding the wooden spoon. If we lose or draw tomorrow, we then need to beat the champions-in-all-but-name Franchise at Links Park next weekend- an outcome few would imagine to be likely. All we have to focus on is trying to give ourselves a chance at Borough Briggs on the last day of the season. It may sound odd but, after such an awful campaign, simply avoiding last place would feel almost as good as finishing in the top four, and would give the club a real platform to build on for 2010-11.

See you there! It would be great to be part of a big Montrose turn out tomorrow. The Bridies may need the points to keep themselves in second, but we need the points much more, and the bigger the turn out, the better the performance will hopefully be.

Fans Open Meeting, Links Park, Thursday 22 April, 1900hrs

I'm told that an open meeting has been called at Links Park this coming Thursday by the remaining directors. Presumably, this will enable us to hear the exact state of the club's finances, and to develop some ideas with the board about how the club can be taken forward in the seasons to come. It certainly promises to be an interesting evening, and again a big turn out of fans is to be hoped for.

Annan Athletic 0-0 Montrose

2010-04-14T11:13:00.006+01:00

Last night was sunny and pleasant at Galabank, although there was a noticeable breeze blowing down the slope towards the social club, and it got pretty cold once the sun had gone down, and the floodlights came on.

Manager Tweed was obliged to make several changes from the team which had subsided to defeat so feebly, against the same opposition, on Saturday. With Campbell and Crighton out, Stevie Nicholas unavailable, and Paul Tosh ill and unable to make the trip, the worn and battered deck of Montrose first team cards had to be ingeniously shuffled. Milligan dropped back to right back, Aaron was at no. 3, with Tweed partnering McNally at centre half. Maitland, Davidson and Hegarty formed a trio in the middle of the park, with Nicol wide right and Tomana wide left. Both the wingers played just behind Gemmill, wearing the no. 9 shirt. All in white, the lads lined up: McNeil, Milligan, Sinclair, McNally, Tweed, Hegarty, Nicol, Davidson, Gemmill, Maitland, Tomana. There were only three outfield subs, with James Collier recalled from Roselea to take his place on the bench alongside a fit looking Gordon Pope, and Sean Fleming.

Annan began the game kicking down the slope. Their line up was unchanged from Saturday, although they did look significantly more tired than they did then. The early exchanges were hesitant and cautious, with neither goalkeeper being called into significant action. Annan tried to test McNeil with a couple of high balls flighted into the far post, but the keeper did well, and on the one occasion he lost the ball, the referee blew for a foul.

At the other end, Montrose threatened through both Nicol, and Tomana. Our passing was back to its sharp best, having been painfully awful at the weekend. Sinclair, Davidson and Tomana triangulated down the standside touchline and the little Slovak almost played Sinclair in with a telling ball. Nicol was full of running, and having held off a robust challenge from Annan's right back, sent a ball scuttling across the face of goal. Gemmill, under pressure, sent a shot a yard wide of the right hand post.

Unfortunately, the "Beast" then had a moment of trademark petulance which completely altered the equilibrium of a finely balanced game. Halfway through the first half, he and the balding Gilfillan challenged for a bouncing ball on the semi circle. Both players tumbled to the ground, and the referee blew for a Montrose free kick. The official ran over to supervise the placing of the ball. As both players got to their feet, Gilfillan turned his back on Gemmill. Under the nose of the official, Gemmill aimed a light tap at the back of Gilfillan's head, and the Robbie Savage of the Scottish Third Division collapsed to the ground, as though felled by a sniper. A straight red card was immediately flashed by the flabbergasted referee.

I'm not sure what Gemmill hoped to achieve with his actions. He protested long and loud at the referee, but the official shook his head and pointed at the dressing rooms. Tweed, his face dark with rage, strode up into the Annan half, his arms outstretched in a "what the fuck?" gesture. The big centre forward departed the scene with the jeers of the Annan fans ringing in his ears, to contemplate the consequences of a second cretinous red card, in under a month. David Cox was shown the door this time last year for a second sending off at the same venue: I'll be absolutely amazed if Gemmill doesn't suffer the same fate in the days to come. I'm certain that last night will mark an ignominious end to an unhappy chapter in his football career.

The free kick came to nothing, but Annan failed for the rest of the half to make their advantage tell. Where they had been direct in attack at the weekend, they were cautious and laboured last night, wanting one too many touches of the ball, or sending the final pass astray. I was really impressed that Nicol and Maitland pushed hard at the other end, trying to fill the gaping void left by Gemmill's departure. Time and again Nicol, in particular, threw himself into aerial challenges with Annan's giant centre halfs, and he made enough of a nuisance of himself. However, goalkeeper Summersgill had little to do in the Annan goal. He'a an amiable big chap. "It's dead, isn't it", he told me, whilst contemplating the blades of grass on the palms of his gloves. "Like an exhibition match".

Some reorganisation was called for at half time, in what would no doubt have been a heated discussion. Davidson and Hegarty dropped deeper in midfield, covering the defence. The side took on an even more defensive look when poor Tomana hirpled off not long after the re-start, his left leg trailing after a clogging midfield challenge. It was great to see James Collier, who's had such a frustrating season, come on to make a long-anticipated debut for his home town team. Alongside Maitland, he put himself about in the half hour or so he had on the park.

The last half hour, as the night darkened and the players laboured under the ghostly metallic lustre of the floodlights, saw immense Annan pressure exerted, as our back four swayed like a police line trying to contain an angry mob. One of their forwards fell in the penalty area, and the girning old men by the dug outs wore out their voice boxes, demanding a penalty that never was. The referee quickly turned his head away from the claim. Moments later, just outside the box, an Annan forward and "Scooby" Davdison crashed to the ground, and the Stadtlers and Waldorfs almost melted the referee's earpiece with demands for a second red card. The volume didn't decrease as Davidson saw yellow, and a foul mouthed cacophany from these elderly parakeets chuntered on shrilly: "at's a fuckin' disgrace referee", "he was the last man ya bliddy numpty, straight rid kerrrrd" but, tough luck guys.

Too late, Annan tried to stretch us down the flanks. David Cox sent a murderous low header, from around the penalty spot, which McNeil brilliantly turned away at the base of the right hand post; he then got up in under the blink of an eyelid and blocked the shot from the rebound away for a corner. Unfortunately, in an attritional match, McNeil was also injured with about fifteen minutes to go. He tried to catch a floated cross from Cox's forehead, and the Annan forward must have banged him in the hip with a stray knee. McNeil stayed down and there was a stoppage for two or three minutes whilst our physio tried to patch him up. However, his left hip was dead and he couldn't take the resultant bye kick, so he limped off as well, and Steven Coutts was called into competitive action for the first time since the end of October.

Annan tried to pressure the rusty Coutts, an it almost paid off. A weak punch fell straight to an Annan forward on the edge of the area, and his shot was blocked on the line by Tweed. Another horrible ball in was three quarters dealt with by the big keeper, but it went to ground, and this time McNally belted clear. Two minutes later, he was obliged to dive full length to his left to claim a low half volley from distance, which was creeping just inside the post- a really good save, that. I don't want to appear critical of Coutts, he did well enough in a difficult situation.

The home team were running out of time, and they began to get frustrated as over-hit passes trundled out, or timely interceptions were made. There were no further alarms, and the referee's whistle peeped to bring to an end one of the better goalless draws I've seen this season. The game had a good tempo about it, was played in a reasonable spirit, and it was one of our more resolute defensive showings of a bleak campaign. The players worked really hard for one another and defended from the front after Gemmill's dismissal, nullifying the threat from a pretty decent Annan side.

As for Annan, their failure to win means that the last breath of their dying play off hopes has been spent. They were too anxious to win last night, too hurried in their forward play. It might be argued that Cairney should be doing much better with a good squad of players at his disposal, and I fancy he'll be under pressure to deliver a play off place next season, now that Annan are established in the league. As for us, we can take this very decent point tonight, and head to Station Park at the weekend hopeful of another memorable day in the Bridie capital of the world, with the faint possibility of reeling in Elgin, still just about alive.

Man of the Match: For me, a joint award: Steven Tweed and Steven McNally, who were both outstanding at centre half. That said, this was a significantly better showing than Saturday, and, other than Gemmill letting himself down, there were no failures in the team. Everyone showed a great deal of backbone and desire in a very difficult fixture for the club.

Crowd: 278. Er, I was the Montrose support, unless there was someone hiding in the stand.

Annan tonight

2010-04-13T12:05:00.002+01:00

I'm afraid that it is a given, that the latest boardroom implosion and alleged difficult financial position, are going to be an enduringly unpleasant flavour in discussions surrounding the club in weeks to come, rather like a batch of green chilli seeds introduced, unsolicited, into an otherwise very mild korma. So, I thought I'd take the radical step of concentrating on tonight's football match in this entry.

There's no doubting that the lads travel down the M74 in a glum frame of mind. Saturday's performance barely troubled the pisspoor draft mark on the hull of this season, and the players looked listless, shattered, and out of sorts. We couldn't string two passes together, the lads ran about as though they had bags of concrete strapped to the back of their calves, and we struggled badly in midfield, as it was swamped by Annan's cloggers. In today's Courier, player-manager Tweed almost sounds as though he'd undergo root canal surgery without anaesthetic than take on tonight's opponents.

Tweed seemed to have made a bold attacking substitution at half time, on Saturday, with the introduction of Gemmill for Campbell, but it transpired after the match that this was an enforced change due to injury. A stray David Cox elbow accidentally shattered Campbell's cheekbone, and I'll be surprised if we see the craggy left back again this season. Campbell joins Crighton on the injured list, as Crighton's knee gave up on him against the Franchise last Tuesday. So, having just welcomed back four players from suspension, we now have to do without two of the mainstays of our defence. The folly of having a very thin roster of senior pros to be augmented by kids is laid bare, yet again.

Presumably that means Sinclair will drop to left back tonight. The emergence of Sinclair as a first team regular, has been one of the very few bright notes in an otherwise awful season, and I actually think he does well in the left back position. It's time for Sean Fleming to take up the more advanced attacking role on the left, where I feel he is far more effective than as a defender. I assume Hegarty will drop back to centre half alongside an exhausted Tweed, with the hole in the middle of the park plugged by Maitland. Up front, Gemmill and Tosh will surely lead the attack. I like Stevie Nicholas, and I remember from his time at East Fife that he has an abundance of talent which should make him a stand out player at this level, but he's been really poor in the last two games, for whatever reason, and I'd leave him out tonight. A bench of Daryl, Stevie Nic, Tomana and maybe "Elvis" Pressly is still stronger than many lists of subs we've fielded this season.

I'm hoping Annan will be a little complacent tonight, having won so comfortably at the weekend. They've nothing to play for either, other than pride and the rather abstract target of finishing with more points, and maybe one place higher, than they did last season. Only a combination of Annan complacency, and a digging deep into the club's ability to grind something out unexpectedly, from sheer adversity, will see us take anything from the game tonight.

Annan is a trip I always look forward to- it's a terrific set up at Galabank, and the way the club is run, by a local committee working really hard, together, to move the club forward, is a model for us to follow in the seasons to come. There's plenty of petted lips and glum fears for the future circulating Montrose and its fans at the moment. I see it differently. With the old "leadership" gone, I see tonight- regardless of the result or performance- as the first game of a new era at Links Park. Hopefully, that era will be a lot more enjoyable on and off the pitch, than that which has transpired since 2006. However, how to move the club on from this low point, off the park, is the subject of another article.

I will put up a report sometime later on tomorrow. For those of you who follow the twitter page, log on here about kick off time, and there will be updates throughout the game.

Brian Winton resigns

2010-04-12T09:53:00.002+01:00

Chairman Brian Winton resigned on Saturday night. Read all about it in today's Courier.

Winton then explained his version of the story on Grampian News tonight.

There's going to be all kinds of speculation and rumour about the bizarre chain of events which has happened since ex-director of football Kenny Black briefed the Daily Ranger journalist Gordon Parks about events at the club, where he was no longer involved, on Friday. It reeks more and more of a co-ordinated media strategy, though of course there is no proof for any such suggestion.

We're keeping our counsel on here for now, though. There's an important game tomorrow night down at Galabank and we will be there. Expect twitter updates from around 7.15 from the game, if you want to follow it on here.

Hopefully the strange turn of events since the weekend will finally see the end of Machiavellian power-politics at Links Park, and we can turn our minds to what this season should have been about all along- putting a competitive team on the park, and trying to take the club forward off it.

It's going to be a very interesting summer.

Montrose (0) 1-2 (2) Annan Athletic

2010-04-10T18:35:00.002+01:00

aargh!! We were absolute garbage today.

Annan were two up within twelve minutes, through Jardine from the edge of the area, and a wriggling run from David Cox.

Our passing was poor, our movement off the ball non existent, and our recent much vaunted team spirit disappeared down a wormhole in the space-time continuum. This was like watching the Montrose of late August or early September.

We did get a late goal through Steven McNally, who finished brilliantly from a very tight angle at the edge of the six yard box, but, really, our attitude and desire was lacking today, and we didn't deserve to take anything from the game.

Very, very poor. Worse, Elgin won, so barring a seismic upturn in fortunes again, starting at Galabank on Tuesday night, we're going to finish tenth.

Some clarity please

2010-04-09T13:13:00.004+01:00

Is Kenny Black still a director at Montrose FC, or not?

This blog has made a point of not mentioning Black if we can help it, (despite that, we were cast as the anti-Christ, by allegedly driving good people away from the club in the autumn, by yet another anonymous "proxy" poster on Pie & Bovril) but there is a very bizarre little article on page 70 of today's Daily Ranger.

In it, Black is still listed as "Montrose chief" (eh?) and sees fit to vent on for a couple of hundred words about our "disappointing" season. He also states that the minimum ambition for this season was a play off place, though how that was ever going to happen with a massively slashed playing budget is anyone's guess. Oddly, he also offers the manager a "vote of confidence", which is rather like me wishing Livingston FC every success for the future.

Apparently, things "are not quite right on the park"...but there is no mention of them being decisively not right off the park, either. Any one-eyed bat can see that success on the park derives only from the right environment off it. The irony of this painfully disingenuous garbage will not be lost on any Montrose fan with even half an eye open to goings on behind the scenes.

The strong rumour is that Black (and Mrs Black) are no longer on the board at Links Park. Black still has a role with the under-19s, although that programme is rumoured to be ending this year, and re-established next season at Banks O'Dee, where our erstwhile "director of football"'s next footballing venture is alleged to be starting up. If this is all true, the only role he has in the future is as a major shareholder at the club.

So, the questions are:

1. Is Mr Black still a director and official at Montrose FC?

UPDATE: "Wee Man's Dummy" (see comment below) tells us that Companies House records reveal that Mr and Mrs Black both resigned as directors in February this year. Hence:

2. Why is he being allowed to brief journalists on the goings-on at the club?

3. Why does the club stedfastly refuse to tell the fans anything, ever, about what's going on behind the scenes?

Answers on a postcard please.

In the last fortnight

2010-04-09T12:44:00.005+01:00

So, let's catch up with events on the park in the last couple of weeks.

The grand piano that broke the camel's back two Saturdays ago, in terms of writing updates on here, was a hugely irritating 1-1 draw at home to the Borderers. Montrose began the game well, and after coming close through Gemmill and Tosh early on, took the lead through yet another wondergoal from Daryl "Fake Cheque" Nicol. The little man, wearing number seven, tottered through two or three half hearted challenges, as he wandered in from the touchline like a toddler trying to find his way out of a maze. All of a sudden, he found himself eight yards out and with only the unpopular Mark Peat to beat. He sent the mankini-wearing Bebo buffoon the wrong way with a decisive sclaff from the outside of his right boot, the ball gently trickling in, just inside the right hand post. 1-0, and Berwick's annoying and pointlessly abusive fans, almost outnumbered by their flags (the Berwick corner of the ground looked like a shoddily constructed tent at T in the Park) fell into sullen silence.

Just like the home game against the same opposition in February 2009, however, we gave away a really avoidable equaliser just before half time, when Greenhill crashed home off the underside of the bar, from just inside the penalty area, and spent the second half fighting not only a resurgent and slickly passing opponent, but also the referee, John Beaton. The man was an absolute android who gave everything Berwick's way. Unbelievably, we ended the match with nine men, in a game that was never bad tempered or played in a bad spirit. The reason? Gemmill kept chuntering at him, and talked his way into the most cretinous red card I've ever seen handed out at Links Park ( Gemmill 100% to blame). However, ten minutes later, Tosh joined the no. 9 in the dressing room, having been booked, also for dissent, and for sarcastically observing to Beaton "you'd be as well just giving me a red card then". Unbelievably, Beaton obliged and Tosh was also dismissed for "dissent". An enraged Tweed protested, both arms open wide, but to no avail. As a result, the nine men had to dig in for a final siege from Berwick which, to everyone's relief, produced no tangible reward. The player-boss was visibly livid as he left the field after the final whistle, and rightly so. It's one thing for a young, inexperienced player to be dismissed for dissent, but quite another to have our entire, time-served strike force sent off for no reason other than they couldn't shut up in the face of a pedantic and robotic official. Lads, shut your trap.

With Hegarty and Davidson already suspended, Montrose faced selection problems of nightmarish proportions for the Tuesday trip to Galabank to face Annan Agricultural. Happily, that game was called off, as winter decided to fling a final spiteful handful of grit in the eyes of the oncoming spring. So, the selection problems deferred themselves for a further four days, until last Saturday's visit to Hampden Park.

This was an almost entirely joyless experience. Montrose began with Maitland and Tomana in the middle of the park and both were simply bypassed. Maitland tried hard with little reward, but Tomana had a very poor and indifferent showing, and was rightly hauled off before the hour mark. We started out in a 4-5-1 formation, the kind of set up that Luxembourg employ on away games to teams like Italy or Germany, simply hoping to frustrate QP. However, we had yet another referee who was incredibly incompetent. Our plans were shattered when Somers awarded a non penalty that even the home fans weren't shouting for, let alone the home team. That was duly despatched for 1-0, which became 2-0 two minutes later when Andy McNeil stayed rooted to his line for a perfectly routine right wing cross, allowing a QP midfielder to bundle home from three yards out, off some unspecified part of his upper torso. Two hammer blows which we simply did not have the firepower to counter, and things got worse just after the re-start, after a second gruesome blunder from McNeil. McNally and a QP forward were jostling for the ball, and the QP forward won- just. Unfortunately, McNeil had raced from his line without calling for the ball. Both he and McNally fatally hesitated on the edge of the box, allowing the forward to nip in between them and roll the ball, unbelievably, into an empty net.

3-0, and fortunately no more goals were conceded. Suffice it to say that this game was Montrose's most wretched performance since the early days of this season, and, in my view, was worse than our defeat at the same venue just before Christmas. Given the players we had out, however, it wasn't totally unexpected. If you're a masochist, you may want to watch the highlights of the game on the excellent QPTV.

On Tuesday night we held on- nearly- for an unlikely point against those Franchise scumbags from West Lothian. My views on the club have been clearly stated before on here so, I wasn't there, but apparently a battling Montrose performance and some fine saves from a chastened McNeil was more than worthy of a point. Sadly, it wasn't to be, as the club no one wants in the league scored with the final touch of the game to secure a barely deserved 1-0 win. Annoyingly, Elgin won to lift themselves above us again, after a shockingly abysmal Annan display at Borough Briggs gifted them a single goal win.

Yesterday, it was announced that Steven Tweed has been awarded third division manager of the month, for securing fourteen points from the last seven games. Congratulations to him, it's an award that is richly deserved, I just hope it doesn't jinx our forthcoming home and away double header against the Galloway Goatherds; Harry Cairney's rotten side visit LP tomorrow, then we have to go down there on Tuesday and try and secure at least a point. I'll be at both games and will try and update this site with my usual caustic observations afterwards.

We need at least four points from the next two games- but remember what happened the last time we aid that on here, eh readers?

For the record- Man of the Match awards, with only a few games left for the various contenders to stake a claim for the hugely prestigious Gable End Graffiti Player of the Year award: 1. Berwick (h) Andy McNeil 2. QP (away) Steven McNally 3. Livi (away) Steven Tweed- going by the opinions of those who made the game.

Um, sorry

2010-04-09T12:39:00.002+01:00

...for the fortnight's hiatus on here. Two things were to blame: 1. I've been really busy at work and 2. I needed a wee bit of a break from writing four thousand words of pure inanity per week on here, as the season winds towards its end.

The "blog" will be back to normal soon, honest.

Elgin City 0, Montrose 1

2010-03-23T21:43:00.003Z

Infuriatingly, I just couldn't get away from work in time today, so missed this crucial game.

However, reports from Borough Briggs suggest that the lads turned in another determined and dogged display. By the sounds of it, we created chance after chance in the first half, but couldn't make the pressure count. Paul Tosh also missed a penalty, after a good save from the Elgin goalkeeper, diving low to his left.

We opened the scoring just after half time, Tosh pouncing on slackness in the home defence, and then, increasingly, sat back. Maxi described the last fifteen minutes as horrendously nerve jangling to watch, but the lads got there, despite being under quite a bit of pressure in that period.

Very well done to everyone involved. This is a hugely significant win: we now draw level with Elgin on points, having made up a twelve point gap in little over a month. We now face two difficult games, at home to Berwick, who were destroyed 3-0 by Faaarfirr this evening, then away in Annan this time next week.

Mon the MO!!!!

Team: McNeil, McNally, Campbell, Crighton, Tweed, Maitland, Milligan, Davidson, Tosh, Gemmill, Sinclair.

Elgin Preview

2010-03-22T17:54:00.002Z

So, to Borough Briggs, for the game which was supposed to have taken place on Boxing Day, and which I was supposed to have missed. I may not make it yet, we'll just have to see how work pans out tomorrow.

It's safe to say that this game has taken on a much greater significance now, than it would have done had it taken place as planned over the Christmas holiday. Indeed, if someone had predicted, after the final whistle of the last Elgin game in mid-February, that we would be travelling north just three points behind them, then it's likely that an ambulance would have been despatched swiftly from Sunnyside, to scoop up the deluded unfortunate.

However, Elgin have failed to win in three games since their staggeringly easy 4-0 victory at Links Park. Admittedly, a single goal defeat to the Accursed Franchise in a turgid encounter at Borough Briggs was scarcely a disgrace. However, narrow defeats at Stair Park, and this weekend, against the Borderers at Sheilfield, were perhaps a little more damaging, particularly this latter defeat, against a side which has imploded since the end of the Big Freeze.

More worryingly, Elgin have been better away from home this season- only once have they beaten anyone at Borough Briggs. We still have to play them twice, both games in Elgin, and we need a minimum of four points from the six available in these games, if we are serious about overtaking Ross Jack's side.

We have won our last two games very well, and are playing with a little bit of confidence for the first time this season. Assuming Milligan is fit to resume after his injury at the weekend, I'd send out the same side again- with Tosh dropping back into midfield to cover for the suspended "Scooby" Davidson, and Nicol partnering Gemmill further forward.

It's going to be a long night tomorrow night and, very unexpectedly, a nerve jangling game. I predict a goal-less or 1-1 draw but the lads have really surprised me recently, and it will be excellent if they can do so for the third game in a row.

A report will go up sometime on Wednesday, probably later on in the day. Hope to see you there!

Third Division & Angus Round-Up

2010-03-21T11:54:00.003Z

Game of the day in our league was probably at Galabank, where Annan Agricultural hosted the Spiders in a match critical to the play off hopes of both sides. The Glaswegian amateurs finally seem to have found an elusive consistency at exactly the right time in the season, just as Stenny did this time last year. Goals in injury time at the end of each half saw them complete an impressive 2-0 victory, and inflict a near-fatal blow to the upwardly mobile dreams of the capable but tactically limited Galloway Goatherds.

This victory for the amateurs wasn't enough, however, to propel them beyond the ever-receding horizon of fourth place. The hapless Bridies finally drew a line under their recent sequence of atrocious defeats, with a 1-1 draw against the Wee Rovers at Station Park. Paul Martin's team took the lead through Boyle, and sound like they should have had a second goal in what sounds to have been their third That Was Over the Line! incident in recent weeks, but were denied by the officials. That lumbering ogre Campbell netted the leveller nineteen minutes from the end, to secure a 1-1 draw and some kind of normality for the enduringly silent, churlish and oft-complaining half-dozen home support. For his part, Martin insisted earlier in the day that he had been done like a kipper by the Tit n Bum journo who published his mad comments on Thursday, and retracted and apologised. Hopefully that'll be an end to all the unpleasant nonsense in the aftermath of last Saturday's game.

The Borderers saw off Hellgin Academy Sixth Form by the odd goal in three, in a low quality and tedious encounter at Shielfield, where the Northumbrian outfit secured the points by dint of not being as bad as their Highland opponents. And, Franchise FC won by the same scoreline against the Stena Sealink Works XI who, despite, losing, caused the soon to be crowned champions a little discomfort in the last five minutes or so.

Angus

Another round up, another Red Schichties calamity to linger over and savour. Jim Weir's dysfunctional ragbag of jejune loan signings and clapped out old boilers whom nobody else wants, crawled their way down the inner ear of Scotland to take part in a relegation six hundred pointer at Balmoor against the Fishy Jailers, tumbling down the table like a ned tumbling down the flumes at the Discovery centre. This epic duel between the two impotent fishing ports was settled in favour of the Buchan outfit, who after imbibing a dose of goalscoring Viagra (Martin Bavidge) before kick off, strolled to as comfortable a 3-0 win as they've had in the course of a hugely disappointing season.

Weir's abysmal "team" are now six points adrift in the relegation play off spot, and with a momentum akin to someone trying to run the wrong way up an escalator in the Wellgate centre, look near certain to be facing the ordeal of this year's relegation play offs. That said, I'm still not convinced that the Maroon Malevolence are bad enough to lose to any of the current incumbents in the third division play off places; sadly, the Bully Wee are just too rank rotten to make up the ten point gap that separates them from our dear county neeburs.

Speaking of the Bully Wee, they lost 1-3 at the hands of the Village People at Glebe Park, and now need an unlikely combination of snookers to avoid the automatic end of season descent into the ninth circle of footballing hell.

Next Update

I'll put the media reports up on the twitter site early tomorrow. In the evening, I'll preview the Hellgin Academy Sixth Form game. I'm working on logistics at the moment and am 80% certain to be going to that one and, if I do, I'll be doing twitter updates for those of you who can't make it.

East Stirlingshire (0) 2-3 (2) Montrose

2010-03-20T19:01:00.004Z

It was overcast in Central Scotland on the way to Ochilview yesterday, but by the time I spluttered into Larbert, the sun was shining pretty brightly, giving the mock-Soviet architecture of the hole-and-corner suburban afterthought a dolorous lustre.

With Hegarty absent, Maitland was introduced in midfield. "Scooby" Davidson wasn't suspended as I thought, for today; instead, he will miss Tuesday night's game with Elgin. Tomana is still AWOL, rather disappointingly, so the bench featured, happily, Sean Fleming, Nicol, Boyle, and Stevie Nic, who still looked a little away from a return to the side. The lads, in blue, lined up: McNeil, McNally, Campbell, Crighton, Tweed, Maitland, Milligan, Davidson, Tosh, Gemmill, Sinclair. McNeil, in goal, looked like an extra from a 1980s golfwear catalogue, with his bright green top, black leggings and what appeared to be guttees. All that was missing was the see-through green plastic skip, and a thoughtful expression.

We kicked off towards the covered terrace end of the this miserable, half finished ground. Both sides had a probing opening, although defensively we looked pretty capable, and Shire lacking the kind of incisive passing and movement that we've seen from them this season. At the other end, we looked to use our wingers effectively. Aaron and McNally combined well down one side, with Milligan looking in outstanding touch down the other. With only a few minutes on the clock, the winger, having received the ball about twenty five yards out, on the far touchline, unwound like a compressed spring, and hit a rising driver that crashed back off the crossbar.

There was also time for Tosh (I think) to head just wide, before a frustrated Shire chopped one of our players down on the left-hand edge of the semi circle. The black-shirted home team surrounded the fussy referee Clancy angrily, but the decision was made. A desultory wall lined up, and there was an animated discussion between Gemmill, Tosh and Sinclair. Eventually, the big no. 10 strode up, and placed a murderously accurate right foot curler just inside Barclay's far post, with all the precision of a Swiss watchmaker dropping the final diamond onto a Tag Heuer facing. 1-0, and demented celebrations amongst the group of away fans at the other end. We've had some pretty undeserved results here in the last few visits, and hoped that this was the start of a different day for us.

We really began to push forward after this opener, with Davidson doing well in the centre of the park, and both wingers prominent. With barely twenty five minutes gone, we slipped into a previously unthinkable 2-0 lead, made by Aaron. The gangling no. 11 received the ball half way inside our half, on the standside touchline, although prospects didn't look promising for him, as he had two or three home defenders in the way. He cut inside one challenge, almost fell, and progressed into the area, where he was faced with the ludicrous feather-cutted pipsqueak, Donaldson. Donaldson, though not a right back, is a tenacious opponent. The two players grappled one another to a seeming standstill; Aaron stumbled, then Donaldson lost his footing and gave way. All of a sudden, he was able to take two strides to the edge of the six yard box, and roll the ball under the startled Barclay, at his near post. 2-0, and a goal amply demonstrating the rewards of mental and physical strength.

At this stage, it looked as though the well oiled Montrose attack might completely wipe out Shire by half time. An unfortunate injury to Milligan altered the tempo of the game. The winger challenged for an aerial ball, and landed very awkwardly; going down on one foot, slipping, and rattling his nerve endings on the plastic pitch. Extensive treatment was required, and we feared a broken collarbone, dislocated shoulder, or something like that. The players gathered round and there was quite a bit of concern; happily, he was able to get up after a few minutes and limp off, to be replaced by Daryl Nicol. The injury was some kind of whiplash, and Fraser was able to watch the second half with his parents from the stand, so, hopefully, it's not going to rule him out of the Elgin game.

The game took a little while to get going again, and Shire came a little more into it. There were very near misses at either end before half time. Another flowing move down the standside touchline saw Shire ripped open by Maitalnd, McNally and Aaron; the ball fell to the onrushing "Scooby" Davidson by the penalty spot. Barclay charged the Montrose captain, and it worked, as his hurried shot bounced off the goalkeeper to safety, with the goal yawning sleepily. At the other end, there was nearly a defensive catastrophe. Faced with a colossal blooter dropping out of the sky like a medicine ball, Sean Crighton seemed to have it covered; unfortunately, the ball skiffed the back of his napper, and did a gentle leg-spinner just wide of McNeil's left hand post. In less lucky times, before Christmas, for example, that would have gone in.

Still, worries about Milligan aside, this was a very competent and assured first half showing from Montrose. We had looked pretty devastating at times, going forward, and had little to worry about at the back, thanks to a very lacklustre display from Shire.

We had an immediate chance to put the game beyond doubt at the beginning of the second half. A tepid Shire move broke down, the ball was moved out quickly via Maitland, and all of a sudden Gemmill was clear. The big man running at full tilt is a frankly terrifying sight; he moves like an over-laden Lada estate across a series of potholes. The automatic instinct confronted with that running towards you must be to don a flak jacket and dig a foxhole, and frantically try and find a hand grenade. Gemmill motored into the area, and Barclay timed his dash from the line perfectly, again. Trying to place his shot, Gemmill was faced with rapidly deterioating angles, and slid the ball agonisingly, slowly wide of the left hand post. The big man cursed himself angrily, but I think the highlights will show great work from the Shire goalkeeper, rather than any incompetence from the "Beast". It was simply bad luck.

The game became a bit niggly in the second half. Tosh and Shire's no. 3 had a little spat behind the referee's back, and a punch was thrown by the Falkirk clogger; ten years ago, Tosh would simply have flattened the bleached wee nyaff, and taken the red card, but he's old enough-just-to let it go. Tosh's eyes bulged dangerously from their gnarled sockets. The absurdly bequiffed standside linesman, the sort of chap who looks like he makes model aeroplanes, or colects rare butterflies, in his spare time, decided not to tell the referee, and an incident which could easily have resulted in red cards all round was averted.

By that stage, Shire had pulled one back. We sat off them a little bit too much for the first twenty minutes of the second half, and they exerted a fair amount of pressure. Lynch headed straight at McNeil from eight yards out, with the goal at his mercy; we got bodies in the box, and furstrated the Shire. however, just after the hour mark, their pressure finally told off. On the standside edge of the area, Stevenson, showing great technique, found the slightest chink in the blue shirted wall, and unleashed a curling right foot shot on the turn that beat McNeil's dive, and swept just inside his far post. 1-2.

In past games, Montrose would have crumbled, and been filled in, in the last half hour. It's a measure of the side's new found spirit and confidence, that we didn't. As soon as the goal went in, Tweed shook his head and turned, waving his arms at his players, to keep going. The defence again were magnificent yesterday, repelling a rather braindead aerial bombardment from the home side, with resolve and determination. Although Maitland was tiring after the hour, he kept going alongside "Scooby" who made some important blocking tackles and attacking passes. Daryl Nicol came more into the game. But, the thread running through all our dangerous moments, was the transformed Gemmill himself.

It was the big n. 10 who made the decisive third goal, unselfishly, with eighteen minutes remaining. We broke through McNally, I think, who played on Maitland, who in turn fed Gemmill, who broke swiftly. Playing the ball out to McNally again on the wing, Gemmill drated diagonally towards the edge of the area, and received it back. He knew that Daryl Nicol was behind him, exactly in between penalty spot and the edge of the six yard box, right in the middle of goal. Getting the ball back, Gemmill turned in the tick of a clock and found the young forward with a perfectly weighted pass. Barclay rushed out again, but there was nothing he could do- the ball had already gone under him, and gently puffed the back of the net. 3-1, and a vital two goal cushion was re-established. The players piled on top of one another in front of the roaring away support.

Shire brought on late substitutes in an effort to find the goal. They won some corners, which Andy claimed without too much fuss. With eight minutes to go, someone fell over in our area and referee Clancy awarded an absolutely laughable penalty. OK, as I didn't exactly have the best view from seventy yards away, and I had left my opera glasses in the Yugo, I didn't have the best of views, but even the Shire fans admitted to being slightly embarrassed at the award, even although they were pleased about it. Clancy waved away Tweed and Crighton's livid, arm-waving protests. Stevenson stepped up and crashed his penalty into the top right hand corner of McNeil's goal, sending the goalkeeper the wrong way.

The last eight minutes plus endless stoppage time added by the referee for reasons apparent only to him, were agonising. Shire huffed and puffed. A shot trundled wide, a header went over. But that was it. Eventually realising that Shire weren't going to equalise, the full time whistle sounded, and another famous, unexpected victory was hugely celebrated by the Montrose players and supporters.

What has happened in the last five games? When we trudged off the pitch having suffered a 0-4 home defeat to Elgin City in February, it seemed the end of the road both for Tweed and for the majority of his group of players. Yet, in the last five games, we have only conceded three goals, registered three very handsome victories, and our one defeat might be described as a shade unlucky.

I'd argue that the return of Tweed to the defence has been critical to our success- those who called for him to retire and stay on the touchline, must be feeling justifiably foolish after the last few games. Moreover, the crafty experience of Tosh, a purple patch for Fraser Milligan, and the remarkable transformation of Gemmill into a never-say-die livewire up front, have opened out attacking options for the team, which they have taken with great relish. All of a sudden, Tuesday night's encounter at Borough Briggs is set to be a competitive and high-stakes match, when a month ago it seemed a little- anticipated formality. That in itself is a real achievement for this improving group of players and who knows, we may avoid bottom spot yet.

Very well done to everyone involved in yesterday's win, it's starting to be enjoyable watching Montrose again.

Crowd: Probably around 300, 20 or so noisy devotees from the Mo.

Man of the Match: This time, John Gemmill wins the award hands-down. His running, determination, eye for goal and real strength in winning the ball from Shire's defence, and making himself available in open play for a pass, makes it seem like we've signed a new player. Gemmill was in the Tit & Bum yesterday stating his aspiration to fire Montrose into next season's play offs; if he can keep playing like this, then that doesn't seem so unlikely. The contrast between Gemmill's display yesterday, and his miserable and apathetic hour down the left wing, at this ground, in December, couldn't have been starker. I also award honourable mention points to Aaron Sinclair, "Scooby" Davidson for another determined display in the middle of the park, and to Steven Tweed for his leadership, and continual encouragement of his beseiged defenders, in the last ten minutes of the game.

The Cliftonhill Skirmish & Shire Preview

2010-03-18T15:40:00.002Z

Not for the first time this season, the club finds itself in the news, in terms of ridicule. Presumably finding that working 140+ hours a week isn't enough for him, Wee Rovers boss Paul "the Cliftonhill Chunterer" Martin has seen fit to brief journalists from the Scottish Tit n Bum about Steven Tweed's comments, in the immediate aftermath of our 0-1 reverse at Coatbridge on Saturday. The two men are silhouetted on the back page like a boxing poster, as the Tit n Bum tries desperately to convince us all that this faint tremor in a shot glass is WAR!

Steven allegedly branded Rovers' performance "anti-football" after the defeat. OK, it's an unnecessary remark, and ST seems to forget sometimes that we're sitting bottom of the table, which rather limits his room for manoeuvre in criticising other teams. A more objective view would be to suggest that last Saturday's game was "anti-football"; a depressing, turgid, sterile, high-on-lungpower-low-in-skill affair, played on a lunar surface, destined for 0-0, bar for a moment of defensive slackness from us, and a good finish from their no. 4.

When it all boils down to it, all ST has done is express an opinion; Martin is perfectly entitled to counter that. I'm not quite sure his paranoid foaming at the mouth, and sweeping ill-informed abusive statements, to any journalist who will listen, is really a proportionate response, though. ST is clearly not going to dignify Martin's self-pitying drivel with a response, and the more the Rovers supremo rants, the sillier he looks.

I'd also love to know who the expert in Coatbridge, on Montrose FC's finances, is. Martin asserts that ST earns half his season's playing budget at Montrose, in tonight's Glasgow Evening Whines. I don't know who he's been talking to, but suffice it to say that his "source" either is numerically illiterate, or is feeding him a line, with a personal agenda in mind. The figures he seems to have been fed really are Alice-in-Wonderland stuff, with Martin cast in the role of the Mad Hatter. If he were correct, Steven Tweed would be trousering £45k a year for doing a part time job, which clearly is weapons-grade bilge, if one stops for a second to think it through.

Time to let it go Paul, before what's left of your self-respect evaporates completely. Or, alternatively, keep ranting like the deranged and angry old man that everyone avoids at the bus stop- you'll find that journalists are already looking elsewhere for a story, about much bigger clubs than ours, and are unlikely to take any more calls from you on the subject. I'm sure they are grateful to you for filling their back page with such a laughable non-story on a quiet day, though.

Sad stuff.

Shire Preview

Anyway, onto on pitch matters, and, after Tuesday night's excellent performance, we travel to the two-sided Larbert megadome to face the Shire for the final time this season.

Jim McInally's side, second in the table, will be looking to complete a clean sweep against us this season with a fourth victory. So far, we have failed to find the net against Shire this season, and conceded five goals over three defeats. The first game in September was the worst of the lot, as a patched up and injury ravaged Montrose were played off the astroturf by an excellent Shire performance. We were swept away 3-0 with Shire barely in third gear. We did well down there in December, and were unlucky not to come away with a point, after an excellent winning goal from thirty yards from Harding. The last game, just after the big freeze began to go away, was dreadful; Shire were allowed to score a straightforward goal early on, and a laboured and hesitant performance from us, never looked likely to take anything from the game.

It must be said that the erstwhile One Team in Falkirk (Town Centre) have not had their sorrows to seek of late. Successive defeats at the hands of Livingslime have put paid to any faint title aspirations, whilst there have also been alarmingly poor performances, both at home and away to the Spiders (0-2 and 0-3) and a single goal failure at Galabank. As if this wasn't enough, off the park the legendary "Mad Bill" and Sophie have both been banned for life from Ochilview, and other regular punters have vowed to stay away in protest at what they regard as over-zealous stewarding at their adopted home. So, for a team enjoying a second successive season of near unheard-of success, all is not as it might be.

Still, even in these difficulties, there have been some bright spots; a 4-0 demolition of Faaaarrrfiiirrr, a game which ignited the Bridies' fireball of recent self-destruction; and, on Wednesday night, what was described as a "routine" 2-0 success against the Wee Rovers. Ominously, Simon Lynch and club captain Michael Bolochoweckyj seem to be at the top of their game at the moment, and these two will once again provide us with the most problems this weekend.

As for us, well, we face difficulties in midfield, with both Hegarty (out for the next four matches) and Scooby suspended. I'd expect the mystifyingly absent Tomana to make a comeback in some capacity, and it would be good to see Stevie Nic back in contention for a starting place. After his excellent shift on Tuesday night, I hope that Gemmill turns up determined to continue that level of performance on Saturday, and continue to show the fans what he is capable of. With an on-form Gemmill and Tosh leading the line, we should be in a position to cause Shire more problems going forward, than we've been able to in any other game this season.

As always this season, we're short on players, but, after recent games, not short on determination. We've only conceded one goal in four games, and looked quite tidy going forward. Once again, I have absolutely no idea how this game will turn out. Last season, defeat here was effectively the game that put paid to our play off hopes, as the players turned in a frustratingly poor performance. We haven't beaten Shire in a long time, so Saturday would be the best place to bring their run of victories against us to a juddering halt, as we try and keep Hellgin in our sights.

See you there!

Last night's round-up

2010-03-17T14:21:00.002Z

Last night's appetising gateaux of glee was garnished by a delicious cherry, when news drifted through at full time that the ghastly Red Schichties had subsided to yet another miserable defeat at the MFI flatpack stadium, in the shadow of Methil's abandoned Soviet-era power station.

Weir's woeful diddies had the nerve to take the lead on the sixth minute, but, after that, a calamitous conservatism overtook their game, and they foolishly opted to defend their slender advantage. With player/manager Crawford turning in a virtuoso performance, leading the line, the Methylated Feefers established parity after twenty five minutes and then comprehensively gutted the floundering Smokies in the second half with two further well-timed strikes.

Far from pulling themselves back into contention for a jaw dropping seventh placed finish, the rusting maroon sloop is now listing ominously in ninth place, as the relegation storm clouds thicken and darken overhead. In saying that, it's hard to see any of the current third division play off contenders seriously troubling Weir's pitiful cloggers, in their current form. Ninth place in Division Two now looks to be between the two fishing ports- with the sewage outflow of South Angus facing up to the, er, Pride of Buchan, in the shape of the Fishy Jailers. Neale Cooper's pisspoor side have been unconscionably dreadful of late, and A*****th must hope that their tightening tailspin continues, to give them a chance of avoiding a relegation play off.

The Stena Sealink Works XI did us a favour, by beating Hellgin Academy Sixth Form 2-1 at Stair Park, in front of a crowd consisting of a herd of slumbering dairy cows, and a bemused party of Russian tourists who took a wrong turning on the way to the ferry port. Knox's team blanked out questions in Russian, as to where check in was, from the touchline, as they closed out a deserved win against the Highlanders. I must admit that I thought that the kitchen implement fashioned from plane tree was inevitable, after our recent home collapse against Hellgin, but we're back within six points of them now, and still have to play twice at Borough Briggs. I may be deluded, but there is belief growing amongst our squad, and a James-Bond-style-ventilator shaft may yet be uncovered which allows us to make an unlikely escape.

Annan Agricultural had marginally the better of an achingly tedious goalless draw at Galabank, against Livingslime. I can't think of anything to say about that, so we'll just leave it there.

Next update will be Thursday, when we "look forward" to a return to the dreary suburban skidmark of Larbert, to face the Shire this weekend.

Montrose (2) 4-0 (0) Forfar Athletic

2010-03-17T10:03:00.003Z

It was an overcast, slightly chilly early spring evening at Links Park last night, for the postponed New Year's Angus derby.

Manager Tweed was obliged to change the side around a bit, from the one that lost narrowly at Cliftonhill at the weekend. Marek Tomana was nowhere to be seen, and Daryl Nicol suspended, so the side he sent out reflected these restrictions. With under 17s again prominent on the bench, the lads lined up: McNeil, McNally, Campbell, Crighton, Tweed, Hegarty, Milligan, Davidson, Tosh, Gemmill, Sinclair. John Maitland made a return to the bench after his latest injury, alongside Andrew Anderson, Martin Boyle, "Elvis" Pressly, and Coutts.

Forfar were wearing a truly gorge-rising away kit- maroon with blue flashes. It looked like the kind of ensemble A*****th turn out in, in years when money's a bit tight at Castle Greyskull. Their shirts were an odd amalgam of 80s tracksuit top, and the kind of "leisurewear" items that are still stuck in the "everything 49p or less" bucket at "Poundland", unsold, after three years. Yuck.

Still, for all the tastelessness of their attire, the visitors had the better of the opening exchanges, without forcing McNeil into a save. Sellars looked mobile and tricky, although it was clear to see that Forfar were low on confidence and perhaps in a bit of a bad humour with one another. For all their early possession, they were sluggish and uncertain in the penalty box. Forfar won six or seven corners in the first half, but McNeil was able to cope.

Instead, it was Montrose who took the lead half way through the first half, with only their second real attack (Gemmill's shot had been blocked for the first). Milligan made some decent progress against slow-witted Forfar defending and, reaching the bye line, whipped the ball across the face of goal. Surely that was an easy ball for goalkeeper Brown to take. Inexplicably, the Bridie custodian made no effort to claim the ball, presumably believing that his centre half was behind him and hook it clear. Alas! the nearest Forfar defender was ten yards away, and it was Aaron Sinclair lurking with intent at the edge of the six yard box, in the middle of the goal. Nodding as though to a casual acquaintance, Aaron buried the ball in the back of the net and disappeared under a pile of celebrating home players. 1-0. A visibly furious Tod remonstrated with Brown, who argued back, and the pair were still chuntering at each other like a pair of amphetamine-fuelled parakeets fifteen minutes later.

Hegarty was booked on the half hour, for giving away a daft free kick just on the edge of the semi circle. After some complex defensive architecture, McNeil faced up to a murderous, curving, dipping drive from Sellars, that he sprawlingly kept out, as it threatened to creep in at the near post- a telling save from McNeil, who I would say had his best League game in goal for Montrose last night- only his performance at Easter Road, in the Cup, was better than this.

That yellow card was significant. the whistle happy, fussy, robotic Hilland, in the middle, awarded Montrose a free kick on the touchline by the Knoll, just inside the Montrose half. Hegarty lined up a quick free kick- and was immediately red carded. Baffled rage erupted around the stadium, and Hilland was chased by a phalanx of six Montrose players all screaming at him, in the manner of the Man United players chasing Andy d'Urso around Old Trafford a few years back.

Apparently, Hilland thought Hegarty had kicked the ball at Smith, and flashed the card, before what passes for his brain had time to react. It took some minutes for the fury of the home side to calm down, and a niggly melee ensued, with the linesman obliged to come and stand alongside the hapless whistler in an attempt to try and calm things down. Hegarty deserves some criticism for a needlessly poor disciplinary record this season, but everyone really felt sorry for him last night. The red card was the rankest of injustices, and one of the most puzzling refereeing decisions I've ever seen, from a referee who simply should not be officiating at this level.

Finally, when everything calmed down, the free kick was taken. Forfar's players were maybe a bit distracted, as a quick pass from Tosh sent Gemmill through, arrowing into the area diagonally from the Knoll side. Brown advanced to narrow the already tight angle, but too late. A perfectly placed low drive from the gangling forward billowed the right hand corner of the net, and bedlam ensued on the Dyna-Mo. 2-0, half time, and a cushion that we needed if we were to prosper in the second half.

The half time discussions all surrounded the bizarre red card for Hegarty. I spoke to three of the lads on the Knoll, and they were as baffled as everyone else by the decision.

Hegarty's dismissal obliged us to play the second half like a team defending a lead, away from home: soak up the Forfar pressure, and hit on the break. Tosher dropped back to midfield to plug the gap, leaving Gemmill- uncharacteristically full of bustling running and determination- to make a nuisance of himself when the opportunity arose.

The first twenty minutes or so of the second half were difficult viewing for the fans, as Forfar simply camped out in our half, and tried to break us down with relentless attritional pressure. The defence, however, responded magnificently. Marshalled capably by Tweed, Forfar's hopeful high balls were easily enough repelled by our back four. When Forfar broke though, they found McNeil in a determined mood. One take from a corner, where the goalkeeper rose above three or four Forfar forwards to claim the ball faultlessly, stands out.

Fester tired of his side's bungling incompetence, and sent on Paul Watson, Callum Smith and Ross Campbell in quick succession. His subs made little more impact than the players they replaced, though. Just after the seventy minute mark, Tweed gave away another free kick on the semi-circle; Forfar really needed to score from this, if their pressure was to tell. Watson stepped up and delivered a trademark free kick that would have crept inside McNeil's right hand post. The goalkeeper, a green blur of motion, dived full length to turn the ball away, with an audible "BLATT" as it crashed into his palms with the force of a sadistic headmaster's tawse.

Montrose, like partisans camped on a mountainside, were reduced to sporadic attacks- but two of them in the last twenty minutes were deadly. Firstly, Campbell then Sinclair broke out of defence, down the Knoll-side touchline. With the ball drifting towards Gemmill, it was intercepted by Fraser Milligan, who had embarked on a well timed and lung-bursting run. The Maroon sea parted at the back, and Milligan was in, bearing down on the startled Brown. he waited...and waited...and lifted a perfectly executed lob over the leaping goalkeeper, which dropped with one bounce into the empty net. 3-0, game over, and Milligan was greeted at the Beach End advertising boards by a delirious crowd of home fans, before once again being buried by his team-mates.

Forfar faded badly after that third goal, although that is like saying that a mute doesn't have much to say for himself. The game was gone, and their only concern after that point was to get off the astroturf without further damage. They didn't succeed for, after excellent hard work down the standside touchline involving McNally, Milligan, and Davidson, Gemmill was played in at another tight angle to goal, in the penalty area. The result was the same. Brown came out, and with acute timing Gemmill pocketed the ball like a snooker player completing a difficult deflection shot into a far-away pocket. 4-0. The rout was complete, and Gemmill, gently mocking his many critics elsewhere on the internet, copied the Drogba "writing celebration".

Full time came not long after that fourth goal, with only one or two more half chances for Montrose. This was a strange game. We had to soak up endless Forfar pressure and corners, but we were lucky, as they were absolutely clueless in the final third of the pitch. I was absolutely staggered as to just how awful Forfar were- I would go so far as to say that they were as bad last night, as any Forfar performance under Jim Moffat, when they finished bottom of the table in 2007-8. At least Moffat has the excuse of having had no money, and a very thin and limited squad, at his disposal in that season. However, I'm not really sure where Fester can go from here. Unless he can rediscover how to win football matches, quickly, I suspect he may be coming to the end of his time at Station Park. I just hope he's still there for our return match in mid-April.

We've played better football this season, and come away with nothing. However, last night was an outstanding, committed team performance from everyone involved, just as at Stair Park two weeks ago. It's been a long time coming, but the emphatic nature of last night's victory was certainly worth waiting for. It remains to be seen if the team can carry on with the improved nature of their performance from the last four games- as the season draws to a close, cautious signs of on-field optimism are becoming visible as the permafrost of a long, bleak, dreadful winter begins to crack.

Man of the Match: Yet again this was a difficult choice, as there were half a dozen candidates. I thought McNeil was outstanding, and the centre half pairing of Tweed and Crighton resolute and impressive. Aaron Sinclair was outstanding, Tosh did well when asked to drop back to midfield, and I'd also like to congratulate John Gemmill on by far his best display in a Montrose shirt. Gemmill has had a torrid time from the fans of late, largely because of a perceived lack of effort, and refusal to use the talents he has as a footballer. However, he comprehensively silenced those doubters last night, and hopefully he can continue to do so in the games that remain, and end a disappointing season for him with a real flourish.

However, my man of the match award goes to Fraser Milligan, for a virtuoso performance down the right wing, for his hard work and committed running, capped by that sublime lob to kill the game. Well done Fraser- honourable mention points to all the other players mentioned in this section, as the race for the Gable End Graffiti player of the year reaches the business end. I'll need to update that table this weekend.

Crowd I'd have said about 350, with 70-80 of those watching the abysmal implosion of their Forfar team in numbed horror.

Bridies Preview

2010-03-15T11:12:00.003Z

It's hard to believe that, a little over a week ago, the Bridies were being talked of as the most serious challenge to the 5p in the pounds, as the hated West Lothian franchise takes the final easy steps to an inevitable third division title. This was in the context of some convulsive fitting from the Shire, and on the basis of some decent results for Fester's cloggers in February.

Such talk now would appear, at best, deranged, after a dreadfully bleak seven days at Station Park. In this period, the clueless Loons have lost three times on the bounce, conceding ten goals and scoring only one in reply. Last Saturday, four goals were lost at Ochilview, as the Larbert Squatters briefly remembered how to play football; on Tuesday night, there was a single goal defeat to a dreadful Spiders side, in a game so downright awful that watching five minutes of highlights on Spiders TV seemed like watching a full ninety minutes plus extra time. However, Faaaaaarrrrfirrr saved their worst for last, when Nanna came a-calling. The resultant epic 1-5 catastrophe provoked Fester to fresh peaks of volcanic rage, as the alopecian-Christmas-no.1-in-the-sectarian-charts roared of his "embarrassment" at being associated with such an "amateur" performance, presumably whilst the Courier journo scrabbled around in his desk drawers for some ear defenders, whilst holding the telephone receiver at a safe distance. It leaves the hapless Bridies wondering not if they can catch the runaway Franchise bullet train, but looking nervously backwards at the improving Spiders, Wee Rovers and of course Annan Agricultural themselves.

It's never easy to play a side when they have just been humiliated so comprehensively. The worry is that they will take to the field, boiling with rage and righteous indignation, and turn in the performance of the season. Certainly, that's what was expected on Saturday, but then, look what happened. The alternative scenario is that the Bridies will still be so deflated and morale-bereft that a fresh serving of dysfunctional route one garbage will be served up tomorrow night. Montrose's players, themselves furious after Saturday's narrow defeat at Cliftonhill, will need to be ready to adapt quickly, to either scenario.

It had all been going so well for Campbell, too. They are the only team to have held Livingslime to successive draws this season, and, when on form, would be a match for most teams in the league above, never mind this division. The reasons for the puzzling evaporation of their form are obscure; we have to rely on the truism that form and confidence in this dreadful league can change as quickly as the weather in the Caribbean, during the stormy season. The success or otherwise of Faaaaarrrrrfiiirrrr's campaign will be determined by how quickly they respond in clearing up the wreckage left behind by Hurricane Annan.

Oddly, it's been nearly six months since Chris Hegarty's last minute thunderbolt from thirty yards rescued a point at Station Park, one of the very rare high points in a dreadful first half of the season. And, the memory of that maybe offers a clue to their strange attack of the heebie-jeebies. Whilst, going forward, Faaarrrfiirrrr bristle with attacking options- Templeman, Campbell, Harty and, in midfield, players like "Foxy" Fotheringham and Paul Watson have plenty to offer at this level, they have never been all that convincing at the back. In September, Marek, the on-loan Watson, and Sean Anderson gave their creaking and immobile centre halfs a torrid time, whilst keeper Ally Brown looks nothing like as good as he did when he first signed for Fester, last season.

Fester's teams are never pretty to watch, either. After all, this is virtually the only manager in living memory to be sacked, whilst his team were top of the table (the Staggies in Division Two), because the chairman couldn't stomach any more of his turgid long ball drivel. Since inheriting a poor squad largely consisting of the Montrose team from 2005-6, Fester has overseen a total overhaul at Station Park, replacing midgets like Barry Donachie and Elliot Smith with giants who can run all day and kick the ball a very, very long way. Pragmatists may argue that a mastery of the Route One game is a necessary evil, in picking the lock and escaping from this bleak footballing dungeon, and that a league featuring the likes of Craig Tully, Andy Tod and Kevin Fotheringham offers very little room for a passing game and its craftsmen to succeed. Interestingly, however, Faaarffffiiiirrr's successes have come from passing the ball about, so it remains to be seen how dogmatic Fester is on the subject of Route One football. The hard nosed would argue that the Bridies, with such a big squad and the financial ballast of a recent decent cup run, and televised game with the 'Gers, should have offered a much bigger challenge at the top this term.

Still, we'd have to admit that it would be great to go into this game with Faaarffiiirrr's "problems". Sure, they've had some recent bad results, but with a squad of four hundred and thirty-seven first teamers to choose from, Fester could probably send out a completely different team on Tuesday night, and he may well be tempted to do so. Certainly, the human billiard ball will see this game as an ideal opportunity to bring an immediate end to recent troubles, and recover some lost morale with a derby victory.

How about us? It's difficult to predict. Although we lost and didn't have a great game at the weekend, I'd still be tempted to persist with the same starting XI. The players were allegedly "raging" after the final whistle at the weekend; the team had hurried away from Cliftonhill before 5pm, a remarkably quick get away after a league match. If the same XI starts on Tuesday, hopefully the recent sting of avoidable defeat will still be with them, and they'll want to make amends and get back to playing the way they did down at Stair Park. There may be some thought of resting Marek, who had his quietest game of the season on Saturday, but I'd stick with him, as he gave the Bridies the run around in September. Marek and Tosh work well together, certainly better than any of the other forward combinations available to the manager. I'd certainly give him the first half anyway, and maybe bring Boyle or "Elvis" Pressly on for Tomana at half time, if things aren't quite happening for him in this game. The time to change things about a bit will probably be this weekend, when we travel to Ochilview, and suspensions and injuries come into consideration. It's also possibly unreasonable to expect a striker of Tosh's vintage to start every game between now and the end of the season, he'll need a breather at some point too- perhaps when Daryl comes back into contention.

Without wishing to sound too much like Gary Newbon, I can see the opening goal being critical tomorrow. With both sides struggling a little bit for confidence, I'd much rather be in the position where we don't have to fight back from a goal down.

I was really disappointed when this game was postponed at New Year, and I've been looking forward to it for a while. Even if we lose tomorrow, a day out at Station Park and near-inevitable revenge beckons, in early April. See you there!

Div 3 & Angus Round-Up

2010-03-14T13:01:00.002Z

Someone was definitely sprinkling loony dust on yesterday's football scores. Every season, there is one Saturday where bizarre scores pile in one on top of the other like a goal celebration by the corner flag. Yesterday, Burton Albion somehow conspired to lose 5-6 at home to the shockingly poor Cheltenham in League Two, thereby snatching away the unwanted title of "Most Embarrassing Home Defeat of the Season" from us; in the same division, an utterly unremarkable Port Vale side ran in five without reply at Saltergate, previously the impregnable fortress of the Chesterfield Spireites. Meanwhile, in the Conference, luckless Gateshead were humiliated, comprehensively, 8 (EIGHT) -0 at Rushden & Diamonds.

Some of the loony dust drifted north, away from the insalubrious nether regions of the English lower divisions. Specifically, at Station Park, where the Queens Own Loyal Faaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrffffffiiiiirrrrrrrrr Househould Bridies faced Annan Agricultural. The Bridies have had some miserable performances in the last week. Losing 4-0 to a wounded Shire at Ochilview was one thing, but then a truly awful performance at home on Tuesday saw them lose 0-1 at home to the pisspoor Spiders, a team so shockingly inconsistent, that they are capable of the best and worst of results on successive weekends. So, on paper, yesterday's encounter with the Galloway Goatherds looked a good opportunity to correct the Loons alarming skid across the middle of the table.

Alas! Fester's skid continued, and they disappeared under the whirring blades of the Annan combine harvester. Things were so bad for the home team that even Scott Anson got his bald head on the scoresheet, Twice, to, er, make it 4 then 5-1 for the astonished visitors. It certainly appears as though Harry Cairney's route one side demanded repayment in full for all the bad luck they have had in past games at Station Park.

Fester has made much of having "clear the air talks" in the past couple of games, but clearly his foul mouthed rants and insistence on playing clapped out old wrecks that he knew at East End Park or Firhill ten years ago, isn't working. Faaaarrrfirrr have, on paper, a decent squad and a big squad by third division standards, yet they have developed an awful bout of the yips, and moreover, play an unwatchably brutal style of Route One-high-tempo-musclebound pish. It certainly makes Tuesday night's encounter at Links Park an intriguing one. Either a fired up and raging Faaaarfirr will come out and be 4-0 up at half time, before going on to win 6-2, or it'll be a tepid, tame 1-1 draw. Actually, my money's on the latter.

The three occupants of the play off places had a grandstandingly bad afternoon. Shire tumbled to a slipshod defeat at Hampden, quickly dispelling any notion that last weekend's success at home to Faaarrrfirrr marked a return to form for them. It seems as though the Spiders just had to hold them at arms length to close out the win, in a niggly match. Fans of the Glasgow amateurs are beginning to dream of breaking into the top four. I don't want to sound churlish, but it really would be an indictment on the poverty of this unloved runt of a league, if a side as clearly dreadful as them makes the final play off spot. If that happens, and they end up facing the Red Schichties in the play off semi final, Jim Weir's Maroon Malevolence will make very light work of them. Weir's victory against an out of sorts Retch-in at Hedge Park yesterday was unexpected, although, happily, their heads are still being flushed down the ninth placed toilet by the Fifers, who demolished the Fishy Jailers 3-0. The game between the two in Methil in Tuesday night is critical for both teams, with the hopeless Bully Wee now as good as relegated.

Keith Knox's hopes of snatching a third division play off spot seemed at best, deluded, after the final whistle last Saturday, but his side responded well this weekend, easily beating the Borderers 3-1 at Stair Park, through a hat-trick from the impressive Stuart McColm. It looks grim for Jimmy Crease's collapsing side. The squad is rancorous, their pre-Christmas form is a fading memory, they can't score, can't defend, and are tactically rudderless. At the moment, they are dropping quicker than one of Fred Dibnah's industrial chimneys, and although they are still in fourth place on goal difference, it looks like an eviction notice is about to be served.

QyooPee may look in a prominent position to benefit from the implosion of the Shielfield Shambles, but, critically, the Wee Rovers have four games in hand, and Nanna have five. Both these sides also have significantly better goal differences than the amateurs. Therefore, I'd expect, on current form, at least one of Rovers or the Bucolic Farmhands to break into the top four by the end of the campaign.

Oh, and the Full-Time Local-Authority-Subsidised Franchise won 1-0 at Borough Briggs. Big Fucking Deal.

Albion Rovers (0) 1-0 (0) Montrose

2010-03-13T20:43:00.004Z

The same team started as last week, which was good to see. The line-up which did so well at Stair Park again took to the field, and deservedly so after last weekend's performance. The team started: McNeill, McNally, Campbell, Crighton, Tweed, Hegarty, Milligan, Davidson, Tosh, Tomana, Sinclair. The bench looked a little bit more populated, with Gemmill and Daryl Nicol back, alongside Martin Boyle and young Jack "Elvis" Pressly.

It was a pretty sunny day, but a spiteful swirling wind was gusting around the decayed volcanic crater of Cliftonhill. This, coupled with a very bobbly pitch, made passing football tricky throughout and this was a pretty grim tussle to watch.

Montrose had the better of the first half, without really forcing Ewings into a save. We got ourselves into good positions a couple of times. This continued for the first part of the second half, with Tweed and Campbell somehow failing to stab the ball home from very close in, and a couple of Hegarty free kicks drifting over. Hegarty also played in Tosh, whose angled shot from a tight angle agonisingly bumbled wide.

However, the last half hour was all Rovers. They *seemed* to have the ball over the line after about seventy minutes, but Crighton hacked clear; we couldn't really see, but the implication was that the ball was over, so a karmic pay back for our perfectly decent goal that was wrongly not given at Links Park last week.

Rovers were not to be denied, however, and their number 4 went on a lumbering run which, unfathomably, we just couldn't stop. He took three or four players before crashing an emphatic drive into the top left hand corner of the net from just under twenty yards out. Gemmill and Nicol were introduced in place of Milligan and Tomana late on, but we never looked like establishing parity, after fading badly in the last third of the game.

A disappointing result, but we've played a lot worse this season. We were marginally the better team for the first hour, but we ceased to be effective in the last 25 minutes- fatally, as it turned out. The lads battled away on an unforgiving surface and against a highly physical and motivated adversary. On the park, there's still almost nothing between the sides, which gives a little bit of vigour to the shake of the head at the league table this morning. I don't think Rovers have a big enough squad to make the play-offs, but it would be one in the eye for those who throw money around like confetti in failed attempts to win promotion, if they did.

I'd largely forgotten this game by the time I returned home- it was a pretty sterile and drab duel, with a couple of blunt toothpicks, to be honest. I don't envy the Review's match reporter this week, as he has a pretty barren notebook on which to try and base his report.

Man of the Match: Probably Fraser Milligan who put in a hard working shift down the right, and was a continual menace to the Rovers defence. I thought Aaron, Tosher and Andy McNeil did okay, as well.

Crowd about 250, a healthy contingent of 20 or so from Montrose.

Wee Rovers Preview

2010-03-11T22:04:00.002Z

So, for the final time this season, we face the Wee Rovers at the Coatbridge Maracana on Saturday. Devotees of the going-back-to-nature Lanarkshire venue should make the most of the next few trips for, if the endearing Coatbridge outfit is to have any future at all, they must leave Cliftonhill behind in the next couple of seasons, for a new venue, no doubt with a chocolate-box stand, a 3G pitch, a silly corporate name, and no atmosphere.

The three encounters thus far in 2009-10 have produced a heart-stopping no goals, giving our league encounters the feel of an endless 1970s cup tie with unlimited replays, and no penalty shoot outs. A year ago this weekend, Daryl Nicol opened his Montrose goalscoring account with a toe poke from three centimetres out, late on in the game, to secure a backs-to-the-wall 1-0 win. Back then, Paul Martin's side were on a dizzying and calamitous slide down the table, as they failed to win any of their final fifteen matches.

With little money, and fuelled by canny donations, minimal sponsorship and the boundless enthusiasm of a couple of hundred people, Albion Rovers are always going to be a club that makes steady, incremental progress. Many managers would have been swept away by that awful run in the second half of last season but, calling on every last joule of energy secreted away in the folds of his wiry goatee, manager Paul Martin has managed to secure that improvement this season. Martin is a Martin O'Neill type manager, kicking every ball with his players as he prowls the touchline (Cliftonhill briefly had a "technical area", but it was quickly stolen, and found propped up on bricks, and burnt out, on an industrial estate three miles away). In last week's Links Park stalemate, I'm told, Martin had a big hand in getting Daryl sent off. After the second foul which led to the second yellow, Martin exploded like a frustrated purple faced rooster who's been kept away from the hens for too long. His relentless sqwauking and pecking at the linesman, terrified the officials into actually doing something about a second yellow card.

Goalkeeper Derek Gaston has probably been the find of the season at third division level, even if he is injured at the moment; Jamie Ewings is scarcely a mediocre deputy. In defence, Benton and Lumsden are a decent centre half pairing; Lumsden made his debut sometime shortly after the end of rationing, whilst Benton has been another "find" this season, even if he has a propensity to be a tad hot headed. The likes of Tyrrell, Walker and Canning are all important, unspectacular but effective midfielders with plenty of experience; Albion Rovers problem this season has been in scoring goals, as it witnessed by their failure to breach our defence this season.

Well, it was a problem until this week. Up until then, Rovers' scoring record had a rather binary appearance- 1 0 0 1 1 0 0 1 etc. This seductive mathematical elegance was ripped asunder in an astonishing brutalising of the Borderers on Tuesday night. Four Rovers goals rained in in the second half, as the hapless Northumbrians were swept away like a carrier bag in a tornado. That may yet prove to be a significant result, as at the full time whistle Rovers found themselves seven points behind the fourth placed Wee Rangers- with three games in hand. A play off placed finish, although unlikely, does not quite yet require powerful hallucinogens to be seen as a possibility.

That would be quite an achievement, as Rovers probably have the lowest playing budget in the division, and survive on a 1980s-Wimbledon-Crazy-Gang type mentality. That they are still angling for the play-offs as the final third of the season gathers momentum is testament enough to their unexpected improvement this season.

As for us, well, we've gone a dizzying two games now without defeat. I think that Gemmill and Nicol will be available for selection again after suspension, and who knows if Stevie Nics' injury is any better, but, to be honest, I'd stick with the same starting XI that won at Stair Park. Montrose have chopped and changed too much this season, and fielding the same team for successive weeks would be an unexpected novelty. It'd be harsh to drop anyone who played a part in a good team display last saturday, so I hope Tweedy sticks with it. In spite of the grudging girning of some Stranraer fans elsewhere, we did pretty well down there.

A prediction? It'd be a brave man who predicted anything other than 0-0 tomorrow and the bookie is likely to be offering very short odds on a scoreless straight flush. However, I have a feeling that, as these sides have served up such lumpy, tasteless and unpalatable gruel in the first three encounters, that this weekend will be a free flowing and entertaining trading of grapeshot between the sides. I think it'll be a draw again, but I'm certain there will be goals this Saturday.

See you there!

Div 3 & Angus Round-Up

2010-03-07T18:06:00.004Z

The last few Saturdays had just been too depressing for us to bother with round-ups, as we couldn't credibly laugh at anyone else. However, this weekend's belated return to form sees the return of this section.

Glad tidings from Castle Greyskull on the way home, where the Red Schichties stumbled convulsively at home to Stenny, leaving Jim "Manager of the Month" Weir choking with fury on the touchline. The Maroon Malevolence took an early lead at home to the barely-enough-fit-players-to-fulfil-the-fixture Larbert XI, but were pegged back. Gloriously, they also missed an early penalty which would have demoralised the visitors- the miss only served to demoralise the staggeringly incompetent Beetroot Balloons. Moreover, the FAIL-o-meter began flashing red lights and juddering towards the end, as Stenny had two players red carded- yet still the hapless Schichties couldn't find a winner, in what was a must-win fixture for them.

So, the curse of the "Manager of the Month" once again smites the recipient, as the lacklustre Schichties are still superglued to ninth place, despite their recent improvement. Hope of avidoing the drop persists in the concrete cold sore of South Angus, however, with the enduringly awful form not only of the Bully Wee- probably a side even worse than us at the moment- but also of Stevie Crawford's Fife Home for the Elderly. Crawford's clueless geriatrics were swept to their doom in an appalling 2-6 derby landslip at Central Park, and are just two points better off than the Schichties, with an important encounter at Methil between the two clubs due to take place sooner rather than later.

The Red Schichties weren't the only side left to chew on the greasy bolus of disappointment come 4.45 on Saturday. Credible hopes had begun to be raised in the Land of the Bridie that The Queen's Own Loyal Faaaaaaaarrrrrfirrrrr Household Bridies might sneak second place, as the Shire hit a boggy swamp of bad form and unexpected defeats. Unfortunately, the Loons travelled to Ochilview to meet a "home" team determined to re-establish some kind of normality. Simon Lynch duly netted a hat-trick, as Shire coasted to a very straightforward 4-0 win, reminding Fester's Loyalists not to get ahead of themselves too much. I still would watch them very carefully if they make the play-offs, however, as Fester has a decent record in cup competitions and is undoubtedly a "big game" manager (that'll be why they can't beat us at Station Park, then).

Topsy-turvy multiple goal encounters in the other two games deserve a mention. the Borderers, who have been on their own dreadful run of late, somehow conspired to win 3-2 at Hampden against the consistently inconsistent Spiders. Pisspoor defending, a very dodgy referee, and more bizarre tactical changes from "coach" Gardner Spiers seemed to be to blame, as David Greenhill netted the winner five minutes from the end. And, Annan Agricultural amazingly threw away a 3-1 lead against free-scoring Hellgin Academy Sixth Form, with the game ending in an irritating 3-3 draw.

Stranraer (0) 0-2 (1) Montrose

2010-03-06T20:26:00.004Z

Just as in August, it was a beautiful Saturday afternoon for a drive down the coast to Stranraer. The sea was perfectly still and calm, and Ailsa Craig, and a snow-capped Goat Fell mountain on Arran in the distance, could clearly be seen from the winding road to the port. However, things clouded over on Stranraer itself, and the game was played out under grey skies and intermittent light rain. The Stair Park pitch showed the ravages of an awful winter, with great handfuls of sand in several places, and more bobbly than a Lion bar.

We were greeted by two Stranraer officials at the turnstile, who revealed that we only had three subs on the bench- all lads from the under 17 team. As a result, the eleven players who started the game were the only fit 11 senior players Tweed had to call upon, in a team selection that must have taken all of five nanoseconds. Wearing an unusual Faroe Islands-style white shirts and light blue shorts kit, Montrose lined up: McNeil, McNally, Campbell, Crighton, Tweed, Hegarty, Milligan, Davidson, Tosh, Tomana, Sinclair. It was good to see Gordon Pope back in training before the kick off, although I'm not sure when he'll be able to come back into contention.

The game kicked off with Stranraer attacking the bandstand end, and it was a pretty open affair with half chances for both sides. It took Montrose a little while to settle down. Marek was playing off Tosher, and after a little hesitancy they began to play off one another really well. "Scooby" Davidson and Hegarty were in for a battle of physical attrition in the middle of the park, whilst Tweed, Crighton and Campbell between them had to counter the human siege-engine that is Armand One.

It took us a while to becalm the French giant, as his flicks threatened to send McColm through. McColm rattled the right hand post from distance after space opened up for him, and McNeil had a reasonably busy start in the Montrose goal, without having to produce any top drawer saves.

However, we began to play ourselves into the game down the right touchline, with Stranraer playing a bizarre narrow game through the middle. McNally, Milligan, Tomana and Tosh began to link up well. "Scooby" Davidson narrowly headed over into the home enclosure after a quick cross was fired in from the right by Milligan; impishly, Tosh later tried his luck from within the centre circle, after some home pressure broke down. His long range artillery shell had Mitchell backpedalling in panic in the home goal, but ultimately it drifted wide of his left hand post. Tosh shrugged as a few of his team mates laughed at him.

It was odd, with such a small crowd, being able to hear every word the players said and every thud as they clattered into one another. Montrose didn't waste too many words, Tweed barking instructions at the back, but as the game went on without a goal, the home team quickly descended into petulant foul mouthed abuse of one another, which worsened as the game went on.

Their recriminations got worse after we opened the scoring, just after the half hour mark. Aaron Sinclair made good progress down the stand-side touchline and fed the ball across the edge of the penalty area to Marek. The little Slovak hit a well weighted ball towards Tosh, who was standing side on to the goal at this stage, just to the right of the semi-circle. Dropping his shoulder, Tosh cracked a dipping right-footed half volley that, following a perfect parabola, curved into the top right hand corner of the open-mouthed Mitchell's net. It was a wonderful piece of technique, and it took a second or so before it sunk in around the ground that Tosh had actually scored. I'm not sure if someone will have captured that on film, but this goal is definitely on the long list for goal of the season.

Montrose finished the half the stronger. Another flowing move down the right saw Milligan and Hegarty involved in the build up, and the ball fed across goal to Scooby, beside the penalty spot. The captain couldn't get the right purchase on the shot, though, and it sclaffed off his right boot , wide of the post. Stranraer were becoming very frustrated at our mastery of One. The big man was shackled by Tweed and McNally in the first half, and even when he did win something, the referee more often than not gave a foul against him. In fact, only McColm looked capable of creating something, after he found some space down the far touchline, but no one was able to capitalise on his promptings.

Stranraer probed limply at the beginning of the second half, and it wasn't long before Knox had had enough, and introduced the bald assassin Moore in place of their right back. It was strange that such a prolific forward hadn't started the game, but, until late on, he was to remain peripheral owing to very poor service from Stranraer's midfield.

It's always a worry watching Montrose when 1-0 up, as the assumption is that we'll definitely concede at some point. Maxi and I bellowed "GOAL" at one another throughout the second half, whenever the home team crossed the halfway line. They did win a few free kicks and a couple of corners, but McNeil was equal to anything in the air. Instead, it was Montrose who doubled the lead with twenty five minutes to go.

Hard work from two of our midfielders down the right saw us win a corner. Hegarty floated the ball across the face of goal, where Tweed rose and battered a header straight at Mitchell. The keeper, unavoidably, dropped the fizzing ball and it was hooked to safety from the goal-line. Stranraer, however, couldn't get the ball clear, and it dropped again to the retreating Tweed in the semi circle. The veteran swung a creaking right leg at it, and Mitchell this time seemed to half stop the ball; the same defender got a head to it again, but this time the ball bulged the roof of the net. 2-0, and huge celebrations amongst the players and fans. Tweed has missed a few glaring chances this season from close range; this chance was by far the most difficult, and also needed a bit of luck to go in, yet still he scored. Bizarre.

With a two goal cushion Montrose began to defend in depth against an increasingly frantic Stranraer. Knox threw on two more attackers. Our defending was resolute, however. Tomana got in some great blocks half way up the pitch; when Stranraer did manage to break forward, there were always too many of us in the box, and we crowded them out. Moore hit the post from very close in. Stranraer won corner after corner, but McNeil, bellowing "KEEEEEPERRRR!!!!", claimed them all.

As the clock wound down, young Jack Pressly came on for his debut, replacing an exhausted Tomana. Pressly is a quick little terrier of player with a low centre of gravity, and he was impressive in his ten minutes on the park. Stanraer began to lose heart, and Pressly claimed a long ball punted from defence. Sheilding the ball from his marker, he fed Tosh, who was lurking just off the radar at the edge of the area. With the outside of his left foot, he sent a stinging thirty yard drive crashing back off the angle of post and bar, which left the goal frame shuddering like a warm jelly, with Mitchell completely caught off guard. Had that gone in, that would definitely have been my goal of the season, another virtuoso display of technique from Tosh.

There were scares to come in the last two minutes. McNeil made a magnificent sprawling save to his left, from a close range turn and shot from One, and the ball scuttled away for a corner. The corner came in straight onto Moore's forehead but, two yards out, he headed straight into the grateful McNeil's midriff. That little passage of play pretty much summed up the home side's afternoon.

Huge celebrations greeted the final whistle, but they weren't quite on the epic scale of Berwick a month ago. Having offered scathing criticism of the team after the last two games at Links Park, it's great to be able to praise them for a really good team effort yesterday. Sure, a win at Stair Park would hardly be earth-shattering stuff in a normal season, but yesterday's was a really heartening backs to the wall win, with some of our players able to show off skill and ability which has been hidden for most of this season. We really gelled well, and I'd send out exactly the same starting XI for next weekend's encounter at Cliftonhill. As Stranraer had been hugely fortunate to take four points from the two games at Links Park earlier in the season, we owed them this one yesterday, and it was hugely satisfying to watch the lads deliver. Well done to everyone involved in a good day out for the club.

Crowd: Apparently it was 225- at kick off, it seemed like there was less than 100 people in the ground. We had six fans there.

Man of the Match: A very difficult decision this week. Usually, the blog struggles with these as the team has been poor. Happily, it is the opposite problem this week, with every single player turning in a dogged shift and doing what was asked of them. Maxi and I both agreed that Steven Tweed should pick up the award for a fine afternoon in defence, and of course for scoring the crucial second goal. However, honourable mention points also go to Tosher- in any other week his goal and all-round workrate would have won the award, Marek Tomana, Chris Hegarty and Fraser Milligan- all crucial parts for these guys in yesterday's win.

Stena Sealink Works XI Take Four

2010-03-04T18:59:00.002Z

So Saturday sees the final encounter of the season with the team who inflicted our most humiliating defeat of the season: Stranraer.

Readers will not want to dwell on the pisspoor shambles that saw us lose to them in a switched fixture in January. A better indication of how the sides are matched was probably found in November's 1-1 draw, where the departed Sean Anderson got our goal before that alopecian irritant Moore equalised. Way back in August, a down to the bare bones Montrose turned in a very poor performance, in one of the most one sided 2-0 wins I've ever seen.

So, just one point from the three games, and a second point, or more, seems to be a very big ask. Stranraer have become a much more physical side since the January transfer window. They endured a pretty poor first half of the season, other than in games against us, but since then they have added Agnew on loan from Ayr, and the lumbering wardrobe-on-casters that is Armand One.

Believe it or not, they have played only three games since the weirdest-game-in-living-memory at Links Park: a very unlucky home draw against the Franchise, who scored with the last kick of the game to take a point from a game where they had deserved nothing; a routine defeat at Ochilvew against the Shire; and, a thoroughgoing dismantling of the Spiders to the tune of 5-2 at Hampden. The most notable aspect of that game, though, was the renewed, er, "ruggedness" of Keith Knox's side. Some of the "challenges" committed by Stranraer players were triple-X rated.

As for us, well, it is the same old story. Daryl Nicol misses out this weekend through suspension, and I'm not sure if Gemmell or Hegs will be back. I'd expect Tweed and Tomana to continue from Tuesday night, and kids from the under-19s and under-17s to be on the bench. With injuries and suspensions showing little sign of relenting, the team will once again pick itself.

Happily, I have a lift to the game, so I will be there, and you can follow the game on twitter as I will be updating. I have no idea why, but I think we will sneak a point this weekend. We owe these buggers one, and the players and the manager will be painfully aware of that. I'm going to predict yet another 1-1 draw, with an early goal from a corner from One being cancelled out by a fizzing half volley from Tosh, from the edge of the area, with the last moments of injury time slipping away.

See you there!

Montrose 0, Albion Rovers 0

2010-03-03T10:01:00.003Z

So in the end I didn't make this last night. Sadly, the Yugo is poorly and has an imminent MOT, so it is off the road, waiting for spare parts to arrive from some depot on the Western outskirts of Mars. This is the downside of owning an elderly car made in a country that no longer exists, and being forced to rely upon the abysmally timed Worst Group rail services instead. My choice last night was to leave half way through the second half, hang around in Ash until near closing time, or, well, not go, and after a busy day I'm afraid I took the third option.

Opinions from the game are divided. Meetings between these two teams have now yielded a truly prolific two goals in the last five encounters, and last night's match was the third goalless draw in succession. Montrose had two goals ruled out, one for offside, one for a foul, leaving one linesman and the referee to be doused in caustic abuse from all sides of the ground. Paul Tosh was the unlucky striker with both efforts, the second goal being particularly harsh, as all but one fan regarded his "foul" on a Rovers defender as highly debatable. Montrose were continually to be found offside and one sober head reckoned it wasn't all the fault of the linesman. Very late on, Daryl Nicol was ordered off for a second bookable offence, further withering Tweed's selection options for the weekend.

After conceding some truly embarrassing goals in the last two matches, it was good to see the defence keep their first clean sheet since Berwick. Truth be told, Rovers caused almost no problems all night, in what sounds to have been a disappointing and pisspoor showing from their patched up forward line.

So, finally, on the 2nd of March, Montrose got their points tally into double figures, so some relief for the players and fans there- in the last two games, it has looked like we wouldn't claim another point all season. Saturday's encounter with Stranraer at Stair Park will prove to be much more testing than this game, perhaps, and to emerge from their with a point and a clean sheet is almost more than we dare hope for. I'll preview that game tomorrow.

Hopefully, by the time we next have a midweek game, the Dingbro spaceship from the outer galaxies will have docked with my spare parts, and I'll be back in business for that one. I enjoy midweek floodlit games and it was pretty annoying to have to miss last night. Still, a point's a point, and we have to cling to the hope that this showing is the beginning of a more encouraging March for the team.

Team: McNeil, McNally, Tweed, Crighton, Campbell, Milligan, Tomana, Davidson, Nicol, Tosh, Nicholas. Martin Boyle came on as a sub for Stevie Nic for the last 18 minutes.

Enthusiasm Tank Empty

2010-02-28T11:36:00.003Z

Well, yesterday's game was snowed off, as was all but one fixture in the Third Division, where Nanna surprisingly saw off a still-feeling-sorry-for-themselves Shire by a single goal at Galabank. The pisspoor Larbert squatters, although they still have a game in hand over "Livi", are seven points adrift, and any more unexpected defeats like yesterday's, and the last embers of their title challenge will fade.

Tuesday night, then, is our next scheduled action, when the Wee Rovers will be the latest club to try and claim an easy three points at Links Park. I'll stick up a report from that game on Wednesday, as I'll be one of the estimated 62 people who will be there for the game. It has to be said that I'm pretty doubtful for Saturday's game away at Stair Park, though. If someone can tell me what the point of a six hour, near-300 mile round trip to the ingrowing toenail of Wigtownshire is, then I shall maybe change my mind. However, the following weekend sees a final trip to the Coatbridge Maracana for the season and I shall be going to that one, as trips down there are always enjoyable.

With the club's fate in the league now sealed, attention is likely to turn to matters off the pitch. There was a long board meeting at Links Park on Thursday night. One of the matters that would no doubt have occupied the directors' attention, the manager's position, was discussed without particular resolution, and Steven Tweed will be in the dug-out on Tuesday night.

There's still fourteen games and ten weeks left of this season, and I'm facing it with the same kind of enthusiasm, as I would face ten weeks of trekking across the steppes of Turkmenistan, with no water, no food, a busted radio, and a lame dromedary for company.

5p-in-the-Pounds Preview

2010-02-22T11:33:00.006Z

This game is likely to be off, but, even when it goes ahead, I won't be going to it: I simply won't hand money of any kind over the the most morally bankrupt football club in the history of the game in Scotland.

Franchise FC have entered administration twice in the fourteen years since they shanghai-ed Meadowbank Thistle's league place and relocated to their largely apathetic new heartland of West Lothian.

Put simply, this artificial and unloved franchise, twice since 1995, ran up massive debts which they stood no chance of ever repaying, to secure short term success. Their fans like to brag about reaching third spot in the SPL, a CIS cup triumph, and a very brief and humiliating campaign in the UEFA cup. That was funded (unwillingly) by countless creditors who made the simple mistake of expecting their bills to be paid. The "fans" willing to criticise this process whilst it was actually happening, could be counted on the fingers of one hand.

Believe it or not, but 98% of West Lothian's council tax payers are currently subsidising the other 2% who actually give a shit about the football club on their doorstep. That's because the council wrote off the massive debts owed by Massone's and previous regimes for use of the stadium, and drastically cut the cost of renting an SPL-compliant venue to the current regime. Good grief. There's helping out a struggling business, and then there's bending over backwards to keep it artificially alive when it has failed not once but twice in a very short space of time.

That the club hasn't yet met its rightful fate- liquidation and oblivion- is quite remarkable and, some would say, a rank injustice. After all, any other business- a plumbing concern or a café, for example- would long ago have been evicted from its council-owned premises, and pursued through the bankruptcy courts for monies outstanding. What makes this regularly insolvent business any different? There are many reasons that could be suggested as to why the club has not been liquidated, but to list them here would get lawyers a bit twitchy.

The "new" regime, emerging from the almost-fatal car crash left behind by previous chairman Angelo Massone, who himself was saddled with the debts of previous regimes, promised faithfully to spend no more than 99p of every pound raised. Yeah, right. Somehow, that is meant to be "achieved" on sub-1000 gates, with a full time squad and backroom staff to pay for. We're asked to believe that hospitality revenue and fans volunteering to do what were previously salaried jobs, somehow makes up the yawning gap between rhetoric and reality, between solvency and debt. We were assured that the club would cut its cloth appropriate to its current level.

Er..."cutting your cloth", Franchise-style, apparently means the signing of Bobby Barr on a full time contract in the last transfer window, and Steve Tosh on loan from a first division club. "Cutting your cloth" means having a top earner rumoured to be on anything between £850 and £1100 per week. Yeh, third division gates (don't forget that 300 "Livi" season ticket holders handed over money for their ticket to Massone, before his regime collapsed, and that money has been irretrievably lost to the new lot) are really going to cover wages like that. Further, their unsolicited and oft-complained about presence in the third division has skewed and distorted what would otherwise have been an interesting race for the title.

For all the pious rhetoric and slick media presentation after the latest eleventh hour takeover last summer, there is no way a full time club can be run in the third division without acquiring substantial levels of debt. Will they pay up this time? As always with this utterly loathsome fake outfit, the truth will emerge...sometime in the future, when they've lurched into yet another financial crisis from which there seems no escape. But, like a cockroach in the wake of a nuclear holocaust, for some strange reason, they just about survive, always.

"Livi" fans complain that because they are a "young" club with comparatively little history, that "old" clubs founded in the late nineteenth or early twentieth century look down their nose at them, and will never accept them. This is a self-pitying red herring. If a "Livingston FC", founded in 1995, had played its way through the East of Scotland League, and then taken the place of the defunct Airdrie or Gretna, on footballing merit, I'm pretty sure no one would have complained. There's more than enough reason to despise the "Livingston" shat into existence back then, without the need to resort to some kind of pathetic snobbery.

We'll also be accused of not wanting to turn up to witness what will be an inevitable pumping on the park. Excuse me, but we've witnessed all but two of our relentless pumpings this season, so I don't think that really adds up. Our refusal to go will equate in the minds of some Almondvale "fans" as being the result of "not being a true supporter", a statement rich in irony in itself.

It's this simple. The "franchise" model of football is not only morally dubious, it does not work. A bottomless money pit is always the result. Why should the rest of us pay into it? If you're willing to fund history repeating itself with your entry fee, along with other charming "Livi" extras like vastly overpriced car-parking and catering, then good luck to you. Just like MK Dons, this is a club deserving of no-one's support, now or in the future. The sooner they are out of this division, and preferably out of the SFL, the better.

Montrose (0) 0-4 (1) Elgin City

2010-02-20T19:06:00.006Z

So, that's that then. There is now absolutely no chance of Montrose being anything other than bottom of the third division this season.

Today was an absolutely beautiful day in Montrose, perfectly clear light illuminating the frost-bound town. Had the pitch still been grass, this game would have been off- maybe there are advantages to grass pitches, after all.

For this must-win match against ninth placed Elgin City, the lads lined up: McNeill, McNally, Sinclair, Crighton, Campbell, Milligan, Nicholas, Davidson, Tosh, Hegarty, Gemmill. This was quite a change from last week, with juggling again needing to be done to compensate for the loss of Sean Fleming. Milligan continued in a right wing role whilst Stevie Nicholas seemed to be the freelance striker behind the static front two of Tosh and Gemmill. On the bench, Steven Coutts was joined by Tomana, Nicol and Boyle, all of whom were to feature later on.

Montrose began the game at a clatter, pushing Elgin back. After just four minutes Stevie Nic rattled the crossbar with a rising drive, after good build up work involving Sinclair and Hegarty. In the early stages, we passed the ball about really well, getting in behind the cumbersome Elgin defence, particularly down the right, where Milligan entered into a private duel with the defenders who were doubling up on him.

After eleven minutes, the Elgin defence got themselves in a terrible fankle from a free kick, and the ball fell to Alan Campbell on the goal-line. All he needed to do was get an eyelash on the ball, and it would have gone in. Time stood still, Campbell froze, and the Elgin deefender at his shoulder headed over the bar and onto the roof of the net. A truly staggering miss.

For the first twenty minutes or so, we moved the ball about really nicely. Elgin's troglodyte neanderthal wearing no. 6- a man with a face like an Easter Island statue, was twice spoken to sharply by referee Colvin, for clogging and late fouls on our players- the second of those sent Aaron Sinclair sprawling like a puppet whose strings have been cut by a chainsaw. The referee declined to produce a card, however, and we thought that he was going to be lenient and sensible- how wrong we were.

Montrose's bright start faded. Milligan was unable to create too much space. Hegarty's passes found a black and white shirt, unerringly, or he took the ball on himself and insisted on running into an opponent. Elgin hit on the break, content to soak up pressure for a little while. A couple of breakaway shots from them whistled wide, with Andy McNeill at full stretch, trying to stop them.

Hegarty and Davidson were both booked for crude challenges, and that was to cost the combustible midfielder just before half time. Hegarty challenged Elgin's easter Island statue on the slide and sent him sprawling. After producing a second yellow, and then a red, Hegarty was gone and we were down to ten men. There's no doubt that Hegarty's challenges merited cautions, but the maddening thing was Colvin's inconsistency. Hegarty was sent off for two bad challenges- if that's how the game was to be refereed, then the Elgin orc should have already been in the dressing room by this stage, as each of his "tackles" were just as poor.

From the resultant free kick, right on half time, Elgin took the lead. The ball was fired in towards the top left hand corner and was quite brilliantly stopped by McNeill. As always, the Montrose defence reacts to the second ball as quickly as a combine harvester crosses a sodden field covered in molasses. Elgin's forward didn't, and he ripped in the rebound from close range to send his side in with a priceless and perhaps slightly undeserved advantage at the break. Referee Colvin and his linesman left the field to some caustic and vitriolic abuse from the frustrated home fans.

The first half was one we've seen many times; a bright start from Montrose, some decent passing, a couple of good chances passed up, then hit on the break by a sucker punch and, with a man sent off, staring down the barrel after the interval. And, unfortunately, Elgin were to give us it with both barrels in the second half.

The other worrying fact was that the remaining diehards didn't seem that bothered by the football at the break- of far more concern was the fact that the Pie Portakabin had run out of Bovril, and that only a scalding dun-coloured liquid charitably described as "tea" was available. After one gulp, at least one cup of said tea was thrown, in a steaming streak, to the front of the Dyna-Mo, with the drinker shuddering with a disgusted shake of the head.

After an entertaining half time debate on the national Bovril shortage, the second half pretty quickly choked our laughter in our throats. Elgin's second goal came just seven minutes after the re-start; we were sliced open down our left hand side, the ball was fed across the six yard line and a visiting forward was there to stab it past the helpless McNeill. Our attempts at eating into the deficit in the second half were laboured and unconvincing. Having built up a comfortable lead, the black and whites defended in numbers. Increasingly, we offered one dimensional balls lobbed forward in the general direction of Tosh and Gemmill, both of whom tried but failed to make good on these aimless blooters. A Tosh header which Gibson blocked, sprawlingly, on his goal line, and a shot wide from Gemmill, were as close as we came in the second half.

In the last two minutes Elgin scored two virtually identikit "route Two" goals- ball played down the wing, played into the box, and converted, to make the final score 4-0. the final whistle went, and the forty or so fans left on the Dyna-Mo sullenly headed for the exit, without even bothering to call for the manager or the chairman's head. A chronic, detached disillusionment has taken root amongst the fans, and won't be lifted until there is radical change off the park. It's not the fact that we were deservedly and comprehensively drubbed by a pub team- the second worst team in Scotland-but the manner of that defeat, and the absolute impossibility of seeing an easy or short term way out of the terrible, terrible trough the club has fallen into since the end of last season.

Two weeks ago, we naively hoped for four points out of six from the games with QP and Elgin. We have come up with a big fat zero, and, being brutally honest, it looks like the players have simply stopped playing for Steven Tweed, it's either that or they try to play for him, but are not good enough to do so effectively at this level.

I'm sure the manager called for a response from the players at training this week- sadly the "response" he got today, was the kind of response more normally associated with that of a primary school orchestra, having been asked to perform the 1812 Overture convincingly, with a steel comb and a folded piece of paper as their only instrument. When the manager goes is an open question, but there is no doubt- he will be replaced in pretty short order, after that performance today. As for the players, considering the performances this season, I would honestly retain only four or five of the first-teamers for next season.

If there's any consolation in today's awful, feeble, spineless performance, it's the fact that things simply can't get any worse for us now. There is no worse experience possible in league football than a 0-4 home defeat to Elgin. This is our club in its sickliest and poorest state for over fifty years, both on and off the field of play. It can't get any more embarrassing or abject than it currently is. Can it?

Man of the Match: Pretty hard again, I'm going to go for Stevie Nic who worked hard for little reward. Of the others, only McNeill, McNally, Sinclair, Campbell and Tosh got pass marks.

Crowd: at kick off, the crowd was embarrassing, a Unibond League-style 130 or so. Stragglers from the Legion and other latecomers swelled the gate to about 180. It was no more than that. Elgin brought around 15-20 of those supporters. The people of Montrose have simply given up on the club at the moment, and that fact can't come as any surprise. People are going to be a lot more selective as to which games they attend for the rest of this godawful season. The 'crowd' for the midweek game against the Wee Rovers, on March 2nd, runs every risk of being embarrassing.

Mad, Mad March Matches

2010-02-18T10:06:00.002Z

The players are looking at two games a week for almost all of March, as the League battles to catch up on the fixture backlog caused by the month of Arctic weather over Christmas.

The re-arranged fixtures are as follows:

2 March Wee Rovers (H), k.o. 1945hrs

16 March The Queen's Own Loyal Faaaaaarfirrr Household Bridies (H) k.o. 1945 hrs

23 March Hellgin Academy Sixth Form (A), k.o. 1945 hrs

30 March Annan Agricultural (A) k.o. 1930 hrs

Some tired limbs at the end of that month, I think. Of those games, I'm likely to make them all except Elgin, so twittercasting and reports will be available as usual.

Elgin Preview

2010-02-17T12:04:00.006Z

Where to start with this one?

Saturday's game must be won. Anything less, and the last glimmer of hope for season 2009-10 will be extinguished. Fans of other clubs may think it is deluded of us to still hope that we will avoid tenth place, but another failure this weekend and we will certainly finish bottom of the table. All Elgin have to do is avoid defeat, and the gap remaining will be nigh on impossible to make up, particularly with two far flung midweek away trips to contemplate in the fourteen games that remain after this weekend.

More tellingly, Steven Tweed and Jim Moffat's time will be up, if we take anything less than three points on Saturday. This blog has been a consistent supporter of Tweed's since his appointment, and still is. We still want him to achieve success in the games that remain. With a much better squad last season, he showed that he could manage a group of players to turn in largely good results, playing a style of football that was very attractive to watch.

With substantial investment in the coming summer, building on the core half dozen of this season's squad, there is no reason why Montrose could not once again be competitive next season, under Tweed, once the catastrophe of the present campaign has been put behind us. After all, there is no doubt that the present Third Division is by some distance the worst "senior" league that makes an appearance on the pools coupon. It used to be the League of Wales, or whatever it's called now, but some of the games I've watched this season have been substantially worse than anything I've seen at that level- which is a major embarrassment in itself. Sad to say, but the Rhyls, Llanellis and TNSs of this world would now probably comfortably survive in the Scottish second division, maybe could even sustain a tilt at promotion to the first, which certainly wasn't the case when I moved back to Scotland from Wales in 2004.

The trouble is that it seems very unlikely that investment will be made available to the current Montrose management team. Last weekend's abysmal handing of victory to a very poor Queen's Park team plunged us right back into the carrion stage of the current regime, after the terminal patient had briefly shown signs of an unlikely recovery in the previous fortnight. It would be a classic English understatement to say that relations between dugout and boardroom have rarely been cordial this season. Another defeat, to just about the only club that has been less successful than us over the past five seasons, and it is very likely that those upstairs will finally pull the trigger, with a fully loaded magazine of defeats, poor performances and frustration to unload on their targets. Whether we will be any better off with Tweed and Moffat gone is highly questionable, however. I just hope that people realise that any change in the dugout will be rendered meaningless, without substantial change behind the scenes, backed by significant new money. In the current financial climate, that prospect is, at best, a long shot.

The players certainly owe the manager a performance. All season, he has consistently refused to criticise them in the media, despite presumably being given ample opportunity to do so. There was a veiled criticism of the defence after last Saturday, but it was hardly explicit. The players have had the backing of their manager all year, as well as from the dwindling fanbase- it's about time they repaid that, in my opinion. I'm not sure if anyone else felt this, but I was deeply uncomfortable watching the skysports coverage of the club in the run up to the Hibs match. The coverage, beginning with a black and white image of the Links Park grandstand superimposed with the words "THE WORST CLUB IN BRITAIN", featured three first teamers, all beaming into the camera as though they'd just stepped off the turf at Ibrox Park, having won.

Lads...you're only on telly because everyone's laughing at us. The team you play for is a laughing stock, all the way from Shetland to Cornwall. Overweight men in branded polyester leisure wear, in pubs and bookies across the UK, who never look at the Scottish third division, now follow the results just to check if we've lost again- and that bloke Stelling takes the piss in the busiest half hour of skysports Saturday results programme, if we win. That's right. We're a joke. Any chance of you doing something about it?

Beating Elgin will not be an easy matter. They seem to have had a run of endless away games in the last month, against the best sides in the table- narrow single goal defeats to the Franchise and, unluckily, last night at Station Park, show that they are defensively minded and difficult to break down away from home, whilst at home they comfortably overcame Albion Rovers. Add to that the problems that Frizzell and Gunn can cause going forward, and they are not as bad a team as they may appear on paper. In some ways manager Ross Jack is in an enviable position, as he has been handed a long contract, without particular pressure or targets being exerted on him: all he has to do is improve the club incrementally, and ensure that their youth teams continue to produce good players.

The Elgin board have taken a long term view and realised that it will take some time to get the club challenging in this league, which they last did under Brian irvine in 2006. At least a point from this game, and Jack will almost certainly have hit his "improvement" target, in terms of league position, this season. That said, the 1-1 draw on the opening Saturday of the season- a game in which a substantially poorer Montrose team took to the park- saw us more than match Elgin. We have a better squad now, and after last weekend's poor result should have more than enough motivation and desire to try and keep this season bleeping away on life support for a few more weeks yet.

Sometime ago a sage on the Dyna-Mo remarked, during the second half of the 0-0 draw with Annan in December, that the game was so bad that only "the hardcore, the lonely and the mentally ill" would be on the terraces for the next Links Park fixture. I'm not sure which of these categories we all fit into, but lose this weekend, and his prediction will become reality.

See you there.

Montrose (1) 1-2 (0) Queen's Park

2010-02-14T11:09:00.004Z

A bright and sunny day at Links Park yesterday, and surprisingly mild for mid-February.

With only the league campaign left this season, Montrose desperately needed to avoid the kind of flat performance which has followed big Cup weekends. In an attempt to achieve that, Steven Tweed sent out a team as close as possible to the one that won at Berwick, minus the injured John Maitland. "Scooby" Davidson was also unexpectedly absent, as his wife gave birth at 5am on the morning of the game, so many congratulations to him and family. Starting in a 4-3-3 formation, the lads, in blue, lined up: McNeill, Milligan, Sinclair, Hegarty, Campbell, Crighton, McNally, Nicholas, Tosh, Gemmill, Fleming.

Montrose started the better of the two sides and indeed went on to dominate the first half. Queen's Park were slow and sluggish in defence, lightweight in midfield and, with a very rusty Mark McGeown replacing the injured Peter "Captain Calamity" Hamilton in goal, they looked likely to concede every time we attacked. We played some very decent passing football int he first half, with Hegarty playing a more controlled game, shorn of some of his normal aggression, and Milligan and Sinclair both looking good down the wings.

Alan Campbell almost bundled the ball in at the far post within two minutes. Tosh shot wide and slightly high from eighteen yards out. There were some fairly meaty and ill timed challenges from the QP defence in the first period, and, from one of them, McNally won a free kick. Taking it right footed, about 25 yards out and at a forty five degree angle to the near post, McNally skimmed in a dipping low shot which McGeown spilled, and was very, very lucky to see it drop just the wrong side of the post.

Frustration mounted as chances began to just not come off through bad luck, or a timely Queen's intervention. Gemmill shouted at Nicholas. Tosh shouted at himself. McGeown didn't say very much to his new defence as they mounted a rearguard in front of his goal.

Finally, inevitably, our opener came. A couple of lovely raking passes through the centre of the park picked out Gemmill, fourteen yards out and side-on to the goal. He turned and hit a low right foot shot which McGeown parried. The ball fell kindly for Tosh at the penalty spot, and he rather sclaffed the bouncing ball, and it swerved and spun onto the inside of McGeown's left hand post and gently into the net. 1-0, and it really looked good at that stage. Queen's weren't seen much as an attacking force in the first half, bar the occasional corner which McNeil dealt very capably with.

For some reason, in the second half, Montrose turned in a shocking performance. Firstly, about ten minutes in, a long hopeful punt forward bounced just inside our area, and bounced, and bounced. "DEAL WITH IT!" shouted someone behind me on the Dyna-Mo. Shockingly, Crighton and Campbell just watched it. A Queen's forward didn't and, from about eight yards, headed past the open mouthed McNeil and into the net. It really is astounding that such incompetence is possible.

Worse was to follow. After a rapid break upfield, through the middle, Tosh got the ball on the edge of the area, with the Queen's defence caught hopelessly square, and nowhere to be seen. He dinked the ball over the onrushing McGeown, and into the roof of the net. Somehow, the linesman thought this was offside, and had his flag raised. The referee, who was standing next to Tosh and who should have seen that the forward was clearly onside, failed to overrule this decision. Furiously, Tosh ran forty yards to the inept flag raiser, bellowing, and propelled by some ferocious and quite justified abuse from the home crowd. A perfectly legitimate and fair goal was ruled out. That's the kind of decision that gets manages the sack, and players a free transfer. It's one of the worst bad calls I've seen an official make in the last few years. That probably means he'll be running the line at the Bernabeu in five years time in a Champions League final, according to the iron law that one is promoted to the level of one's own incompetence. A more fitting fate would be to be banished to the East Region (South) junior division for all eternity- I'd like to see those two jokers try and pull a decision like that off, at a venue such as Arniston or Tranent.

I missed their winner as I had to take an urgent phone call from home. I heard the cheer, but was a bit distracted, and had to leave the ground not long after. Apparently, Gemmill had failed to head the ball clear, and they scored. Despite a couple of half promising late flurries, we didn't seriously look like forcing an equaliser.

So, for the second time this season (the 2-3 at Hampden in Arctic December being the other occasion), we have failed abjectly against a Queen's Park side there for the taking. There were a few calls for Tweed's head at the final whistle. Sadly, it doesn't really matter who the manager is, when you have a defence capable of making errors that would embarrass a defence in a Boys' Brigade League. I'm getting really sick of the endless little knots of drunk away fans jigging about in glee, after we've made their pisspoor side look good, and handed them victory on a plate.

The bitter truth is that we beat ourselves yesterday. A second bitter truth is that one atrocious forty five minutes has completely erased all the positivity that surrounded the team and the players in the last fortnight. This group of players are world class in heaping pressure on themselves. Having fallen chronically at the first hurdle, in the attempt to secure four points from two games, they have now turned next weekend's encounter with Elgin into a must win game. A similar failure next Saturday will have consequences for the management team which won't need spelling out. I'm afraid the players let them, and the supporters, down very badly today.

Sorry if all this sounds a little ungenerous, but it's been a pretty terrible weekend, and this pathetic defeat was the diced carrot sat atop a mountain of stinking, discoloured ordure.

Man of the Match: A joint award between Tosher and Stevie Nic for me. The two worked tirelessly all afternoon, even when things were going very badly wrong at the other end. Andy McNeil was blameless, and handled everything faultlessly. Hegarty and McNally did okay.

Crowd: About 350, including a coachload from Glasgow. Sadly, there will be at least 100 less there next week, after the stunning ineptitude of the second half today.

Spiders Take Three

2010-02-09T13:32:00.003Z

So, as the memories of Easter Road begin to fade (assuming that they hadn't been corrupted already, by an industrial vat of scrumpy), our sole remaining task this season is trying- somehow- to avoid the embarrassment of finishing bottom of the league.

Currently marooned nine points south of Hellgin, and twelve away from Annan Agricultural, this is going to be no easy task. However, the good thing about the last fortnight- a really good result at Shielfield, and a battling performance at Easter Road- is that the latest Links Park boardroom civil war, and managerial sacking, have been averted, at least in the short term. However, Steven Tweed and his players must know that the next two home matches are as critically important as the games they have just played, if not more so. If we witness a fresh brace of slipshod and pisspoor defeats in the next fortnight, then it won't be long before another soccer storm cloud forms with angry intensity over Montrose Basin.

Victory on the 20th of February against Ross Jack's cloggers is an absolute must. If we can beat them in the three remaining games we have against them, then we can draw level on points. However, this weekend, against the Spiders, a point would just about suffice- though, with the confidence they will have gained in the last two weeks, the players should not be content just to settle for that. Our first win of the season is thankfully behind us, but we still need to win in the league at home. 10th place will be avoided by setting and hitting short term targets for the rest of the season.

I really can't work out the Spiders. On their day, they are as good a side as any in the division but, when they are off form, they are more putrid than a colony of maggots. For proof of that, have a look at the "highlights" on Spiders TV of their 2-5 landslip at home to Keith Knox's over muscled hammer throwers last weekend- it's just as bad as anything we've had to watch this season. It's all there- a feeble midfield, a chaotic defence, and one of the single most dreadful goalkeeping performances I've ever seen, reminiscent of Stewart Kennedy's nightmare Wembley paralysis in 1977- the only bit missing is the clutching of the post as the ball sails into the net.

That abysmal self-destruction was the second defeat on the bounce for the amateurs, having gone down 0-2 at the Fantasy Finance Franchise stadium in their previous outing. Until that point, it looked like Gardner Spiers had begun to get the Hoops moving in the right direction, with three successive wins. Currently, they lie fifth in the table, five points behind Faaaaaarfirrrr in the final play off place, but although that gap is relatively small, I really can't see it being breached before the end of the season. I'd be absolutely amazed if a side as flaky and temperamental as the Spiders finished in the top four.

Gardner Spiers looks more like the main character in a morose Scandinavian detective series than a football coach. His hangdog expression and reliable resort to the post-match platitude don't convince, nor have many of his tactical selections this season. His ultimate Wallander moment came this weekend, when he looked shell shocked and manically depressed after the latest Hampden horror movie. His team have improved after a woeful start, but all the signs of footballing Dutch Elm disease- rotten defence, fungal infection of the team's passing ability, bad luck- are still there in his sclerotic and mis-firing side. To make matters worse, club captain Sinclair was hospitalised after a gruesome challenge from one of Knox's thugs last weekend, and he won't feature again for a few weeks. I'd be amazed if Captain Calamity Peter Hamilton, in goal, sees anything other than QP "Strollers" (reserves) action for at least this season, after last weekend.

The Glaswegians have beaten us twice this season. They were fortunate to do so at Links Park in October, 2-1, and they were they for the taking the week before Christmas, but our defence didn't show up at Hampden. As a rsult, we are due both the rub of the green and a good performance against opposition whose morale has plummeted in the last fortnight.

We will need to approach the fixture with a bit of resolve. The highlight of our season has been the Cup run, but it has been noticeable that, in the league games immediately following our cup ties, we have been absolutely dreadful. (1-3 at home v Berwick, 1-1 at home v Stranraer spring to mind). We cannot afford any more bad perfroamnces at home and I hope that Tweed has got the players fully focused on trying to make up the gap at the bottom- starting this weekend. He seems to have finally found a formation and a selection which can win a league match, now all that's needed is a bit of concentration and mental tougness in the next fortnight.

See you there! Reports and round-ups will go up as usual during the course of Sunday.

Third Division, Angus Round-Ups

2010-02-07T11:17:00.005Z

Angus

What with the impending Hibs game and my trip last week to East Berlin, there's been no time at all on here to sit back and clutch our sides laughing at the fresh travails of the shocking Red Schichties.

Jim Weir's pitiful cloggers had their best Saturday in a while yesterday- they weren't playing. In recent weeks, however, they have developed a genius for last gasp and deeply satisfyingly UNLUCKY defeats. Firstly, against Stevie Crawford's Fife Home for the Elderly, Weir unveiled some unfit and immobile twenty-sixth choice striker from the Perth Saintees on a month's loan, as the potential saviour of the fast-sinking decrepit maroon sloop. Alas! The youthful striker made zero impact, at least less of an impact than the creaking Alan Rattray who, in the dying seconds of a relentlessly tedious encounter, sent "Vera" Linn crashing to the ground in the penalty area. The Second World War songstress hauled herself to her feet and despatched the resultant spot kick, flushing the hapless Smokies round the U-bend with a satisfied flick of the wrist.

Were that not enough, on the day we won at Shielfield, a second successive last-minute calamity saw the Wasps kick the chair out from under the Maroon Malevolence, leaving them dangling and choking yet again, on the gallows of footballing injustice. Hislop had already been red carded for some GBH on a home player in the first half, but, with the pop eyed Weir instilling a measure of Dunkirk spirit into the normally sheepish, supine and woeful Beetroot Stains, they held out- almost. With the final whistle already blown in Berwick, Bryan Prunty delivered a winner deep into stoppage time, dropping another depth charge on the already irremiediably sunken A*****th hulk.

Weir has had a nightmare- a squad full of long term injured, which he has compounded by freeing all of their serviceable and tolerable squad players, replacing them with, er, not terribly convincing loanees. Frustratingly, A*****th are yet to hit rock bottom, as the enduringly awful Bully Wee can't win at present, either. However, next Saturday, the dismal Cumbernauld outfit visit Castle Greyskull and the outcome of that game will be very, very interesting. This game is not so much a Clash of the Titans, as a Pinky Wrestle of the Pisspoor. It's hard to see anyone other than these two finishing ninth and tenth in the second division this season- in which order, though, is yet to be determined.

At the other end of the table, the wheels seem to finally be detaching themselves from the Miners leadership credentials, as they slumped yesterday to an abysmal 1-3 reverse at the hands of the scarcely formidable Fishy Jailers. The Wasps, in second, are well poised to take advantage of any slip ups, after their 1-1 draw with underperforming Retch-in at Hedge Park.

Meanwhile, it remains to be seen what effect yesterday's cup result will have on the Bankrupt Binos. Alan Moore's side disappeared from the radar screens shortly after kick off yesterday, and rescue teams later found red-shirted wreckage scattered across the Black Isle, after an epic 0-9 catastrophe up at Dingwall. The black box recorders, containing Alan Moore's last recorded oaths, have yet to be found. It will take quite a bit of self-belief and some memory-suppressing therapy, for the hapless Forthbank side to recover from this, and it may take a few league fixtures to purge this calamity. The impression remains that the standard of this year's second division is lower than ever- begging the question of why anyone in our league bothers to win promotion to another league which, well, isn't much better.

Third Division

The Revolting Franchise Abomination were undone, yet again, by Faaaaaaarfirrr yesterday at Station Park. A last gasp strike from Tulloch clawed back a point for Fester's side, as a bad tempered and towsy affair finished 2-2. Kevin Fotheringham was red carded in the late melee, and Bridies fans also claim that Steve Tosh of Genetically Modified Meadowbank Thistle should have got his marching orders, as well.

The draw keeps those loathsome scumbags just a point clear of the Shire. Jim McInally's side made heavy weather of the fading Borderers, yesterday, by the odd goal in five, to keep alive their dream of besting the Franchise. A Macguire brace was echoed by one from Damon Gray, with Jamie Stevenson's first goal proving decisive.

The most striking result of the day came at near empty Hampden, where Stranraer's Austin Allegro-full of supporters were treated to a remarkable display. Keith Knox's side have kicked on since their "how the fuck did we win that?" showing at Links Park, running the 5p in the Pounds close at Stair Park, before demolishing the haplessAmateur Arachnids yesterday, 5-2. A truly calamitous display in the home goal from Peter Hamilton will make the highlights package on Spiders TV well worth watching, for the neutral at least.

Perhaps most significantly, and annoyingly, for us, Hellgin Academy Sixth Form finally won yesterday, against the dropping-like-a-shot-grouse Wee Rovers. Paul Martin's dreadful side lurched to an abysmal 1-3 defeat, the first win for the Moray club at Borough Briggs since the late nineteenth century. Irritatingly, that means Hellgin have now restored a nine point advantage over us, which makes a league win over them at Links Park in a fortnight's time absolutely imperative, if we are to cherish realistic hopes of climbing the table. Sadly, for the Wee Rovers, it looks like their season is exactly mirroring the pattern of 2008-9; a promising start, followed by an-ever tightening tailspin after about October. Paul Martin received a lot of praise for his team's performances early in the season, the test for him now is to prevent the kind of awful collapse that overwhelmed his men last term, from happening again. At home to Livingslime on Tuesday night, would be a good place to start.

Hibernian (2) 5-1 (0) Montrose

2010-02-06T19:33:00.005Z

A dreich, overcast day in Leith yesterday; it wasn't quite drizzling, but it certainly wasn't dry, either. On the way to Easter Road, which, re-built, looks like a giant illuminated spaceship landed in the middle of sandstone tenements, I passed Meadowbank, ghostly and empty, and shuddered at what might have happened there in the last round- the alternative to today was, er, a trip to Galabank in the League.

Montrose have blinked in the unexpected glare of press attention all week- Sky Sports turned up on Thursday to training and there's been articles in the paper on a daily basis. The gist of it was that Steven Tweed intended to field a young team and give as many of our players as possible the experience of playing at a venue like this. So it proved. The same team that finished last week's triumph at Shielfield, minus Paul Tosh, took to the park. On a boggy and cut-up pitch, the lads lined up: McNeil, Milligan, McNally, Hegarty, Campbell, Crighton, Maitland, Davidson, Nicholas, Gemmill, Fleming.

Hibernian's early movement, and the precision of their passing, was startling. They are the quickest and most mobile team I've seen this season, and they rarely (at least in the first twenty minutes) misplaced a pass. It looked like we might be inundated. McNeil had to block one very sharply. After four minutes, Hibs went in front with a very scrappy goal; McNeil parried a stinging drive, and it fell straight to Nish, who fell over and scored simultaneously, the ball bobbling, bouncing, deflecting off players and finally ending up in the bottom corner.

This was a bit disappointing, as our gameplan undoubtedly was to try and frustrate Hibs for as long as possible, and defend as high up as possible. With the lead established, Hibs knew they weren't going to lose it, and relaxed visibly.

We had our moments, notably when "Scooby" Davidson sent the ball scuttling across the six yard line towards the far post, but nobody was there to take advantage. The team's early balance was upset when the wretchedly unlucky Maitland was obliged to withdraw after just nine minutes, his hamstring twanged like a broken guitar string. Marek Tomana came on to try and plug the gap.

The game went a little flat for a while, not help by some atrociously fussy and pedantic refereeing from Alan Muir- a referee meant to be of SPL standard, but frankly one of the poorest whistlers I've seen all season. A decent ball saw Hibs' left winger break down the standside touchline; he burst clear of Fleming then -PEEEEEEP!- play was stopped for some utterly minor foul on the original passer of the ball. The winger threw his hands in the air in frustration. Okay, we got away with that one, but it was one of the worst failures to play the advantage rule I've ever seen. Games between SPL "giants" and teams like ours should see the referee anonymous, unless there are hammer-throwing challenges to deal with. But, irritatingly, Muir demanded his own little piece of the spotlight throughout yesterday's match.

Montrose had another long range effort that ballooned over the bar, from Gemmill I think, and the natives began to get a little restless. Campbell and Crighton made important challenges, Andy McNeil fisted the ball over the bar as it dipped in from a standside touchline cross-cum-shot, Hibs had some wasteful finishing. Tweed paced the technical area like an expectant father. Still the score held.

Finally, after so much pressure, the second came. From about halfway inside our half, on the East Stand touchline, their winger hit a beautiful, lofted cross-field past that traced an elegant arc across our penalty box. It found Nish steaming in at the far post like a runaway locomotive. He raised a massive right boot and guided it in past McNeil, who got some of his body on the ball but couldn't keep it out.

The quality of that cross was something probably rarely seen in the SPL, let alone in the third division, so any criticism may seem a tad harsh. However, Sean Fleming, not long back in the side, had totally lost Nish's position, when he should have been at his shoulder, battling to take that cross away from him. I think McNeil expected Fleming to deal with it and so stayed on his line- but then that's what a perfectly weighted ball like that does, creating uncertainty in the minds of the defence, making them hesitate to deal with it. In fairness, Fleming knew he was culpable, and angrily remonstrated with himself as the relieved Hibees celebrated. 2-0.

With twenty minutes to go until half time, Montrose now had to make sure that the roof didn't come in, as it did on that fateful night in October 2003. The lads did that job really well for the rest of the half. Campbell was an obdurate obstacle; Crighton recovered really well a couple of times; Hibs tested McNeil by dropping awkward crosses on top of his head, but he responded very well, not mishandling one cross throughout a frenetic ninety minutes yesterday. On the half hour mark, our defence was ripped open and Stokes, the Mackem failure, burst through with the ball at his feet. McNeil sprinted off his line and claimed it; Stokes went into a balletic tumble over the keeper's body, looking round at the referee as he fell. That's a measure of the frustration that the Hibs were beginning to feel at our stubborn-ness, having to try and engineer a penalty. Muir, getting it right for once, swiftly shook his head and looked away. Stokes was roundly booed by the visiting fans for the rest of the game.

At half time the Montrose fans were reasonably content. Hibs, unsurprisingly, were demonstrably superior in every aspect of the game, yet we hadn't buckled. As well as their passing and movement, what marked them out was the anticipation of their players, and their rapid reading of the game; they seemed to know where we were going to pass the ball, before we actually passed it. People say that the third division is physical and leaves the player no time on the ball; there is, however, a vast amount of time on the ball at our level, in comparison to the SPL. And it all stems from that anticipation and mental awareness which simply does not exist, other than in rare individual cases, in our league.

Plenty of other things were different, too, off the park. Easter Road is as much a supermarket now as a football ground: fans queue at ticket windows for "top-up" packages like mobile phone consumers; before the obligatory "Five Hundred Miles" goal celebration over the tannoy, the name of some obscure plumbing or accountancy firm is read out as a "sponsor" of the goal scored. Good grief. Football in the lower leagues, despite the best efforts of the marketeers, has remained largely impervious to the blandishments of hyper-capitalism: in other words, Gies Peace. I guess one would get used to this kind of stuff eventually, but somehow it's more fun to play in a league without entry music, the playing of a twenty year old Proclaimers single to try and jolt the crowd out of their slumbers, and where sponsorship comes from self-effacing chippies and demolition firms.

Regular readers of the withering and scarcely coherent postscripts to league games, on this organ, will know that Montrose always have a really good 20-30 minute spell per game, in the league. That came in the first twenty minutes of the second half. There was the feeling at half time that we had shown Hibs a little bit too much respect, and sat off them a yard too far. Attacking our end in the second period, Montrose did really well; Hegarty and Davidson strained away in midfield, Milligan came more into the game down the right, and began to worry the Hibs defence. We won a couple of corners; Hegarty clipped a free kick just over the bar. Stevei Nic and Gemmill threw themselves gamely, time and again, against the green wall, without result.

With a rumble of discontent emanating from the only part of the home support making any noise (The East Stand- the others sat as though they were at the opera), Hibs surged forward again. McNeil had to deal with yet more nasty aerial balls, but his moment finally arrived just after the hour. Firstly, from a corner, he punched the ball to the edge of the area. Immediately he had to parry a rising half volley, diving away to his left. A quicksilver pass to the other other corner of the area saw a Hibs forward seemingly unable to miss; McNeil, somehow, in a streak of virulent yellow, scrambled across goal and, diving low to his left, turned the ball around the post. A truly remarkable piece of goalkeeping, that was applauded all around the ground.

The next piece of all around -the-ground applause was for Riordan's third goal, about a minute later. Over thirty yards out, just to the right of centre, the ball fell to him, and he dug out a vicious, curving Exocet of a left foot drive that McNeil didn't see; he was still diving as the ball bounced back out, having run the top left hand stanchion. 3-0, and one of the most powerful shots I've ever seen live at a football match.

However, even that amazing strike didn't deflate us. The next goal fell to Montrose. Gemmill, Stevie Nic and Tomana all linked up well at the edge of the Hibs area; uncharacteristically, their defence backed away from us, probably waiting for one of our players to fall over, misplace a pass or lose the ball. Nicholas touched the ball on at a gentle pace to Hegarty, twenty five yards out. He saw a little corridor of space open up, and Smith slightly out of position. Curving his right foot around the ball, he sent a low skimmer of a drive whistling into the bottom left hand corner, and immediately vaulted the wall behind the goal, and was buried in a baying mob of Montrose fans. 1-3. Muir, living up to his reputation as a more-than-my-jobsworth-failed-traffic-warden, duly booked Hegarty for this instinctive celebration.

I felt that 3-1 would have been a fair scoreline but, in the last ten minutes, as our legs began to go and Hibs' full-time fitness began to make a difference, they got two more goals. Firstly, someone twisted and turned along our touchline and netted very well from a very tight angle; there was also a late header where Gow out-jumped our defence to score. there was still time for McNeil to make another fine tip over the bar from Riordan, just on the full time whistle, and for young Martin Boyle to make a debut he'll long remember.

In the end, Hibs won this game very comfortably, but that really is hardly surprising, given that they have pretensions to separate the Old Firm this season. Best of luck to them in the quarter finals. What was important was that we gave a decent account of ourselves in this game, and weren't humilated. certainly, we more than achieved those targets. Montrose frustrated a good side for long periods in this game, Hegarty scored an excellent goal, and the players rose as well as they could to the occasion. Yesterday, they gave us a performance to be proud of, and tangible hope that, with a few wins in the second half of the season, we can still avoid the wooden spoon which had begun to look inevitable towards the back end of 2009. Very well done to Steven Tweed and all the players.

Man of the Match: It has to be Andy McNeil for a string of truly remarkable stops. If you are being hyper critical, or indeed are Peter Shilton, then you might argue he could have done more with Hibs two first half goals, but I'm not going to be. Andy has had the aerial yips in the last couple of league games, but he overcame that magnificently yesterday, dealing with every cross flawlessly. very well done. I'd also single out Campbell and Crighton for special praise, those two worked well with McNeil to prevent many more goals. With Tweed injured and probably out for a few weeks, those two now have a real opportunity to cement themselves as the first choice centre back pairing.

Crowd: Officially 9,068, 500 or so making the journey down from Montrose. There were many new and many long-lost faces at the game yesterday, hopefully a few will have enjoyed their day out enough to come to Links Park in the weeks to come. The club needs all the fans it can get at present. The core 150 sang for the whole ninety minutes and gave the team magnificent support: as an experience, it certainly beat standing with Maxi saying "GOAL" to one another, as soon as Berwick got the ball in our half last week.

Hibs Preview

2010-02-06T10:10:00.004Z

For the second week in a row, I've failed miserably to preview the club's biggest game since, well, 1994-95. I have a good excuse, namely that I was in Berlin with my work, so rather isolated from all the media hullaballoo that visits Links Park only on very rare occasions, usually accompanying p.94 type stories of the lion-tamer-eats-lion-variety.

So, here I am scribing these lines perfectly aware that no one will read them before the big kick off. A veritable camel trail is heading down from the Jewel of North-East Angus to the Capital; in addition to supporters club buses, there are three separate buses being run by pubs in the town, as well as a bus laid on by Tesco. Yes, Tesco, Sadly their "Tesco Value Berwick Rangers" (Now with Three Points!) product wasn't available last week, but that just shows you how much the game has captured the imagination of the locals, which the club must try and capitalise on. In cup terms, we have a lot to be proud of; we are the last Angus team left standing, and, furthermore, the last team left to fly the rather tattered and unattractive standard of the third division. It's not in the realms of fantasy to suggest that 6-700 Montrose fans will be there today. The High Street might have a bit of tumbleweed blowing down it this afternoon (I'll leave A*****th fans to complete their obvious and not at all funny joke here).

On the pitch, as manager Tweed has faced a forest of microphones throughout the week, it seems that youth will be given its head. It seems as though Martin Boyle, newly called up to the Scotland U-18 squad, may appear at some point and, sadly, poor "Stevie Nic" is injured. Other than that, I'd be loath to tinker with last week's winning team too much. Tweed has shown a really commendable attitude this week, downplaying his own past with Hibs, and stressing that this game is a real platform for some of our youngsters to show what they can do at a level stratospherically higher than the one they normally have to operate at. I must admit, I've always had a sneaking admiration for Hibs. Just over ten years ago, under "Big Eck" McLeish, they were beaten 2-1 at home in the First Division by Stranraer: since that awful low point, they have progressed pretty much relentlessly. Some good managers and players have come and gone; the club has an unrivalled youth system- the best in Scotland and one of the best in the UK; and a team bristling with players that are worth paying good money to watch.

If Montrose played Hibs 1,000 times, we'd lose 999 of them. But, cup football is not that straightforward. One of my earliest footballing memories is watching Keith Houchen (later to go on to play for Hibs for a couple of years in the early 90s), despatch a penalty for York City five minutes from the end of their third round cup tie with Arsenal, which they won 1-0. I can still vividly remember Mickey Thomas and Steve Watkin of Wrexham dispatching the same godawful opposition at the same stage, seven years later. Although Scottish Cup shocks are far less frequent than in the FA Cup, I had rather hoped that our cause would be helped by Yves-Ma Kalambay featuring in goal for Hibs today, and that the notoriously brutal Belgian keeper would fumble us in a couple, but "Yogi" Hughes' signing of two goalies in the last week, means that the calamity-prone custodian has slipped to seventeenth choice at Easter Road, and is heading for a free in the summer.

So, with that opportunity closed off, the result is likely to be somewhere in between 1995's Links Park result (0-2, we gave them a right good go and the cadaverous Alec Miller was on telly afterwards stressing that "Links Park is a hard place to come") and, 2003, when I won't need to remind you of the score. As long as the score is kept respectable and the players and fans enjoy their day, that will be enough. Only those who indulge too frequently in powerful hallucinogens will be travelling seriously believing that today will se the 1,000th game happen, you know, the one where we win.

See you there!

Berwick Rangers (0) 0-2 (1) Montrose

2010-01-31T11:53:00.003Z

A very cold and clear, bright day in Northumbria yesterday. A low sun hung over Shielfield's main stand and sank slowly behind it throughout the game, making watching on the terraces a glaringly painful experience.

As we shielded our eyes, we saw that Tweed had tinkered a bit more with the losing team from last weekend. Tomana was dropped, and, boldly, Stevie Nicholas, John Gemmill, and Paul Tosh all started in a really attacking line up. Chris Hegarty continued in central midfield, and Aaron Sincalir returned, after a long absence, to the left back slot. The lads lined up: McNeil, Milligan, McNally, Hegarty, Campbell, Crighton, Nicholas, Davidson, Tosh, Gemmill, Sinclair. Tomana was joined on the bench by Nicol, Maitland and Coutts. For the first time this season, we lined up in a 4-3-3 formation, with McNally moving to right back, Sinclair at left, Milligan moving forward to more of an attacking position, with Davidson down the other side.

It would have been easy to build a defensive formation to grind out a draw in this game that almost no one cared about: since the cup draw, the trip to Berwick was the game everyone just wanted out of the way. But that would have been a missed opportunity, as Berwick were strangely sluggish and disjointed yesterday, and missed an embarrassing number of chances.

Montrose kicked off towards the Tweedmouth end of the ground and quickly established themselves. Sinclair, although not fully fit, quickly found himself engaged in a duel with the Berwick right winger and he came out on top, in most of their skirmishes. Montrose for their part began probing down the right, with our midfield looking solid and determined.

Berwick won a couple of early corners, which I'm afraid to say Andy McNeil struggled with. It looks like his hands are too rigid when trying to catch the ball, and he spills it. It's most unlike him, but he dropped or fumbled the ball far too often in the first twenty minutes- even the referee tired of it after he went to ground one time, spilling the ball, looking for a foul. The whistler just shrugged and shook his head as if to say "What d'you want me to do about it?".

From Berwick's most dangerous early attack, the ball was whipped in across the face of goal from the enclosure side, and only Radzynski will know how he missed. The gangling and not very effective centre forward stuck out a telescopic leg and guided the ball wide of McNeil's left hand post. From a corner, someone rose at the far post and, with the goal yawning like a hippo in high summer, he headed the ball straight into McNeil's hands.

For all Berwick's early half chances, it was Montrose who were to take the lead. Stevie Nic went on a mazy run down the stand side touchline, and cut in towards the edge of the penalty area where two Berwick defenders stood off him cautiously. A beautifully weighted ball across the six yard line took those defenders out. Gemmill, lurking dangerously, spun and sclaffed the ball towards the far post; it may well have gone in anyway, but the ball cannoned off the shins of the retreating Notman, and into the bottom left hand corner. A defensive shambles from Berwick's point of view, but a really good and persistent move from us paid off well.

The goal, rather than spurring the home side into action, seemed to deflate them. For the rest of the half, we simply tore them apart. Twice Gemmill was played through by great balls from midfield, twice Peat denied him, as he was unable to get sufficient power behind the shot. The pitch was heavy and bobbly, and Gemmill maybe should have gone for power, at the risk of clearing the crossbar, rather than place it pass the mankini-wearing mercenary, as he did.

Chance of the half fell to "Scooby" Davidson, who found himself bearing down on Peat, having been played in by a sublime defence splitting pass. Again, it seemed more likely that he would score, but he seemed to lose balance a little and sclaffed the ball wide of the left hand post when very well placed. Maxi and I held our heads in our hands and roared in frustration on the terracing. How did he miss?

Still, half time came, and for the first time this season we were one up, playing well and absorbing Berwick's peashooting attacks effectively. Still, we were both convinced that, after a vitriolic and expletive-laden half time fusilade from Crease in the home dressing room, that Berwick would come out transformed in the second half, and claim at least a point. We have become so used to losing, or drawing at best, that thoughts of victory were simply not in our heads at this point.

Berwick huffed and puffed in the second half, but still couldn't break through our defence, which was hardening like a layer of Polyfilla. McNeil's handling became more assured. Both Crighton and Campbell made fine blocking tackles. We defended much further up the pitch, with Hegarty and Davidson forcing Berwick to pass the ball sideways or backwards, repeatedly, as there was no viable option open to them, going forward. And, when Berwick finally got the ball into our area, they simply could not finish at all. Headers went wide, shots cleared the crossbar, forwards fell over themselves and the ball was cleared. As an attacking force they were beyond abject yesterday. The ineffectual Radzynski was withdrawn with twenty minutes to go, but his replacement didn't do much better.

With the clock winding down, Berwick became more frustrated and began to leave yawning great holes in midfield and at the back. Their fans became a little bit more restive and dismayed. Every time the ball was played into the box, or they won a free kick in a dangerous position, Maxi and I began to shout "GOAL", as if to jinx it. It seemed to work.

It was wearing stuff watching the near constant siege of our goal in the second half, but it just wasn't dangerous. All of a sudden the ball broke clear and Montrose poured up the field in numbers. Milligan twisted and turned past a couple of challenges and fed the ball onto Gemmill, half way inside the Berwick half. Rather in the way he did at Meadowbank against Edinburgh City, Gemmill got the faintest of flicks on it, perfectly setting up Tosher, who had the beating of Berwick's two centre halves. As Peat rushed out, he took him out of play with a deft little flick of his left boot: then, in the manner of a man strolling languidly from sun lounger to smoking barbecue, he gently walked the ball into the net.

2-0.

It looked like we were going to win, after all.

The players disappeared in a whooping blue mountain, burying Tosh and Gemmill. I must say that, as soon as Tosh rolled the ball in, I've never heard a more complete silence at a football ground in my life. So total was the absence of noise that it felt like Shielfield had been sucked into a vaccuum for a second. I've heard noisier silences in the moments before an orchestra begins to play. The Berwick fans also vanished, noiselessly. The home end totally emptied- only a small knot of Gateshead fans, visiting for the day, remained.

Our second had come virtually on the full time whistle, and we celebrated quite dementedly. If it's on video somewhere, we'll probably look like two escapees from the local Sunnyside. There were feelings of elation, relief, and genuine joy. There was also something quite weird though: it's been so long since we last won (May 2009 v Albion Rovers at Links Park was the last win) that we had kind of forgotten what it felt like. It was good to become re-acquainted with the feeling last night.

This wasn't a great game of football, and Berwick's own limitations played a sizeable part in their defeat. However, this was a really accomplished and hard working display from Montrose. Every player contributed to the win, everyone worked hard and showed great discipline in the face of relentless Berwick pressure. We kept our shape and adapted well when Stevie Nic had to go off at half time, to be replaced by Maitland, and we had to revert to a 4-4-2 system. Now that the dreadful weight of no wins has been removed from our shoulders, we should be looking beyond the Hibs game to the two home games at Links Park in February, against Elgin and QP. This win, though hugely enjoyable and welcome, won;t count for much if we can't replicate this kind of performance and close out wins in those two matches I also hope Tweed persists with the 4-3-3/4-3-1-2 formation trialled in the first half today. It really worked well, and gave us a cutting edge rarely seen this season. Well done to all the lads for their display yeterday, it was also nice that they acknowledged our support at the end of the game.

We won a game! I'm off to sit in a darkened room with a damp towel over my head...

Man of the Match: For me it was Scooby Davidson. The big man hasn't had the easiest of seasons, but yesterday he was a standout in left midfield, breaking up attacks and setting up several of ours. He might even have had a goal, after being put through one-on-one with Peat. Most of the team were pretty good yesterday, but I'd also want to single out John Gemmill, who had his finest game to date in a Montrose shirt, and Alan Campbell, who soaked up near relentless pressure like a great sponge.

Crowd: about 350. Maxi and I seemed to be the only Mo fans there, though there may have been a couple in the stand. There were a few Gateshead fans there, as neutrals, who actually applauded us as the final whistle (their game had been called off)- they were largely the only fans left in a deserted home end. Here's what one of them had to say:

spent the day at berwick-montrose with 6 of us from the heed,a cracking day which montrose won 2 nil for there first win of the season.The game itself was shocking and the level i would say is wearside/nl2 at best awful standard, and the crowd was 391 with 2 away fans in the away end and when the final whisle went is was cracking watching these to lads go wild shouting it was better than winning the world cup etc,you had to be there to see it. (From the "Heed Army" messageboard)

Berwick away

2010-01-29T16:48:00.002Z

So, tomorrow, the ling trip to Shielfield. unfortunately I haven't had the time this week to do a proper preview, but we shall see how things go. Assuming the game is on (widepsread freezing and hard frost forecast for tonight, Gable End Graffiti will be doing live twitter updates from the game tomorrow- stay tuned if you can't make it. The report will go up on Sunday.

See you there if you're going!

Third Division & Angus Round-Up

2010-01-24T16:27:00.003Z

We're so far behind in the league table that it's becoming almost pointless doing these round-ups. Even though, for example, Hellgin Academy Sixth Form are demonstrably terrible again this season, we're still nine points behind them. The third division appears to be floating above us, out of our grasp completely. Every week, they send a team beneath the waves to torpedo us horribly, just to remind us that we're bottom and not going anywhere for the rest of the season.

Anyway, Hellgin were completely annihilated yesterday by the Borderers, going down 1-5. This is an ominous return to form for the Northumbrians after a couple of poor recent results, ahead of our visit to Shielfield next Saturday. By the sounds of it, the game was completely one sided and made worse by a poor refereeing performance which further disadvantaged the home team.

It's also been over a month since Annan Agricultural saw competitive action, and, yesterday, they were left to straggle back down the M74 chastened after losing by the odd goal in five to the Spiders. On their way home, they would have probably passed the team bus of the hugely fortunate and undeserving Bankrupt Franchise, who had stolen a point with virtually the last kick of the game at Stair Park, after the Stena Sealink Works XI had taken an early lead.

Normally a tedious and scrappy 1-0 win for the Loons against the Wee Rovers at Cliftonhill would barely merit a sentence on this blog. But, poignantly, their winner was scored by one Paul Watson, who signed for the Station Park side this week. I just cannot believe that we allowed Watson- such an important player to us in the first half of this season- just slip through our fingers like that. It may yet prove to be a disastrously false economy.

Angus

The Red Schichties are heroically matching us step-for-step in terms of awfulness this season. Whilst the teams were trying and failing to produce anything that could be remotely described as a "football match" at Links Park, the hapless Maroon Malevolence disintegrated 1-4 at home to the scarcely formidable Fishy Jailers. A defensive performance re-defining awfulness, and a controversial referee, saw Jim Weir clock up yet another dispiriting and wretched defeat. Weir is trying to change things, having shipped out three A*****th players to the Bridies earlier in the week, but his roster of recruits is still looking pretty thin.

Only the unmatched dreadfulness of the Bully Wee is keeping our dear county cousins off the bottom of the table. Both sides are now becoming detached from the rest of the league. Clyde failed comprehensively to take advantage of the Schichties miserable showing, succumbing themselves to a rare Hedgetrimmers victory on the road, to the tune of 3-0. Their fans must know they are staring down the barrel of relegation, after slump;ing to a comprehensive defeat against a team not noted for its brilliant successes on the road this season.

Meanwhile, in the capital...

The Hibees rather ominously produced their best attacking display of the season yesterday, demolishing Hamilton Comicals 5-1. Gulp.

Meanwhile, three hundred yards away at Meadowbank, the main stand echoed with the ghosts of Monday night's crowd- barely fifty people saw the Citizens catastrophically disintegrate 1-5 at home to the mighty Tynecastle. Their utterly deluded manager is rumoured to have resigned in the wake of this after-the-Lord-Mayor's-Show humiliation.

Montrose (0) 0-1 (1) East Stirlingshire

2010-01-24T12:41:00.003Z

A dire game featuring two dire teams separated by a (dire) and highly avoidable goal, where our fumbling and out of sorts goalkeeper gave away a needless corner which we didn't defend properly, and they scored from.

Sorry, but I really can't be bothered coming up with new ways to describe the same old way of losing a football match.

We are awful. So were they, despite the clear delusion to the contrary. The season is becoming a long meditation on the pointlessness of human existence.

Team: McNeil, Milligan, Trialist (McNally again), Maitland, Campbell, Crichton, Tomana, Davidson, Tosh, Hegarty, Nicholas.

Crowd: barely 200, about 30 from Shire. Long gone are the £10 a week days when their support consisted of three glum looking middle aged men, Mad Bill and Sophie.

Man of the Match: no-one.

Shire Preview

2010-01-21T20:54:00.004Z

So, with bitter humiliation having been endured against the Stena Sealink Works XI, and a passage more or less negotiated against the Citizens, our focus returns to the league again this Saturday, with Shire turning up at Links Park.

The precedents for returning to league action aren't good this season; a Saturday after we all nearly drowned at Banks O' Dee, we were turned over 3-0 by the Insolvent Franchise, after a comedy display of inept and inexperienced refereeing. In more recent memory, the big high of defeating Stevie Crawford's Fife Home for the Elderly was followed by a pisspoor performance in a nasty rainstorm against the Borderers. However, I am hopeful that things will be a little better this time around. Not only have we had a longer recovery time than we did for that game against the Northumbrian Moaners, the players will now be playing to try and ensure that they make the starting XI for Easter Road, in two weeks time.

Normally these previews feature a summary of our opponents recent performances, but that's not happening, as the last game the Stenny Squatters played was, er, against ourselves, on that bizarre Sunday afternoon in December. Since then, thanks to weather conditions more normally associated with Spitzbergen, they have been idle. Shire fans already seem to be preparing the ground for a defeat, claiming that we are more match fit than they are. Hmm.

As for us, I can see Tosh returning to the no. 9 jersey, but otherwise much the same side as started the game at Meadowbank on Monday. The players will have a training session tonight, probably one of their lighter ones after two games in three days at the weekend.

I have no idea how we'll do. After last Saturday's events, it quickly became apparent that anyone trying to predict a Montrose scoreline this season needs luck, ESP and calm nerves whilst the game is actually in progress. As for me, I'll be happy enough with a good showing, and a point.

The report will go up sometime on Sunday afternoon.

Edinburgh City (1) 1-3 (1) Montrose

2010-01-19T10:34:00.003Z

Last night was the first time I had watched a game at Meadowbank since autumn 1991, when first division Montrose, under Doug Rougvie, and featuring Ivo den Bieman et al, played out a 0-0 draw of desolatingly sterile tedium, with Meadowbank Thistle, in front of a crowd of just 188. Last night, there was an unexpectedly large crowd gathered- nearly ten times as big as that last game at this venue- in cold but clear conditions. As well as every last City diehard turning out, there was a good showing of fellow East of Scotland League and junior fans, in solidarity with the local favourites, and some Hibbys, including manager "Yogi" Hughes, who presumably went home to a not very sleepless night, after watching the proceedings.

Manager Tweed had a real job on his hands to lift this group of players after Saturday's sickening and shocking collapse. He re-introduced himself in the middle of the defence, and brought back Sean Fleming at left back for a very welcome and long awaited return. In midfield, Tomana made way for Davidson, whilst Gemmill returned up front in place of the cup-tied Paul Tosh. In blue, the lads lined up: McNeil, Milligan, Fleming, Campbell, Tweed, Crichton, Maitland, Davidson, Gemmill, Hegarty, Nicholas. Tomana, Leyden, Nicol, Anderson and Coutts were on the bench.

After a cagey first few minutes, Montrose established an early grip on this game. City, in black and white, started very hesitantly and allowed us to establish a grip in the middle of the park, with Hegarty, Maitland and Fleming all quite prominent. City had their moments going forward, but lacked a killer final ball from good positions, and further lacked the personnel to convert the few chances that came their way.

Our early dominance began to stack up in a series of chances. Gemmill, clearly not match fit, had a shot on the turn that was well blocked by Monteith in the City goal- the first of a series of really good stops that he pulled off. Chris Hegarty, the non-scoring Roberto Carlos, wound himself up for another malfunctioning long range ballistic missile that Monteith palmed over. The best of this trio of early saves was from a dipping, fizzing thirty yard half volley from the returning Fleming, which Monteith turned around a post at full stretch. It would have been a spectacular opener, but the big keeper was equal to it-just.

Most of these threats had come from good passing moves, but the opener was far more direct. McNeil wellied a long clearance downfield, Gemmill flicked on astutely, and all of a sudden the quicksilver "Stevie Nic" was free of his clogging marker. With Monteith advancing off his line, the wee forward shaped up and drilled a low drive past him and into the bottom right hand corner of the City net. 1-0 up, and the vital first goal- Stevie Nic's first in a Montrose jersey-was ours.

Montrose continued to press, a second goal then would have sunk City for good. But, as so often this season, all our good work in the first thirty five minutes was undone by a defensive brainfart. Fraser Milligan was pushed back and pushed back down the right touchline by their winger, then he let the attacker squirm goalside of him and away. With our right flank torn open, the City winger arrowed into the box and sidefooted to his team mate, eight yards out, and he had the easiest job to sidefoot past a furious McNeil to make it 1-1. I've rarely seen the keeper so angry, and Tweed walked over to the crestfallen right back with his arms open in a "what the fuck was that?" gesture. The Edinburgh fans roared deafeningly, and this out-of-the-blue equaliser heralded a frantic spell of pressure for them. The Montrose defensive took three flushes to clear every City blockage round the U-bend, until half time and, in the most heart-stopping moment of emergency plumbing, Tweed was obliged to head the ball nanometres wide of our right hand post, as a dangerous cross was played in.

There was a glum but defiant mood amongst the travelling support at half time. We had been by far the better side for the majority of the first half, but had been relieved to hear the whistle for the break, as City finally turned up.

The home side pressed for about a quarter of an hour after the re-start without ever looking like really stroking home a second goal. McNeil was called upon to pluck a couple of crosses out the air as City forward piled in, but his handling was faultless last night. Someone or other sneaked a shot wide of the left hand upright when well placed, and our midfield went into its shell. However, for all their fitness and attractive approach play, they didn't look like taking advantage. Their no. 9, Stenhouse, is the most anonymous centre forward I've seen in a very long time- don't forget this is a season in which I've watched John Voight and a sulking Gemmill fulfil that role. Gair was impressive down the wing, but none of their other attackers really stood out as marking a persistent threat.

Still, at least they got themselves into some decent positions, which we failed to do in this tricky, sticky first part of the second half. Our few chances from set pieces were spurned by the skelly-eyed Hegarty. Both free kicks won by him in a threatening position during this passage of play, were despatched with depressing inevitability over the bar and last seen bouncing down London Road in the general direction of Prestonpans.

Finally, Milligan broke with the ball down the standside touchline, twisted, turned, and delivered a cross which Gemmill, lurking just behind the penalty spot, headed against the base of a post with Monteith beaten. The rebound was sclaffed to safety- but only temporarily. From the thrown in, the ball was played back across goal, at head-able height, and Maitland got in between two City defenders to nod past Monteith from six yards out- a second goal in two games for the youngster, provoking riotous celebrations amongst players and fans.

Having got in front again, this time we seemed more determined to hold onto the lead. the bleak prospect of a replay at Links Park began to fade as the fans relaxed a little bit. The fans had been chanting for Tomana virtually throughout the game, and the little Slovak came on for Fleming, with Hegarty dropping back, whilst Nicol came on as well in place of Maitland. City kept pressing but made little headway once they hit the edge of our area.

Indeed, it was one of the substituions that ended up providing the moment of the match. Daryl Nicol is fast becoming a Mr. Benn of a footballer- he turns up, every appearance, as a different personality. Having unexpectedly appeared at Hampden park as David Ginola, with an astonishing thirty + yard bullet over the amateurs' goalie, last night he revealed himself as George Weah. The ball was played to him, half way inside our own half, on the standside touchline, and the wee man dropped his head and ran, like a bullock at a distant red rag. Threatening to fall over at any moment, he kept running, swerving past one challenge and cutting in towards goal. He rode another challenge on the edge of the area, burst between City's two last men, and found himself confronetd with Monteith. Just as he was on the point of falling over, and with Stevie Nicholas still screaming for the ball in a seemingly better position, he tucked the bull under the keeper for a quite devastating third goal. The Montrose fans were quite breathless, ahving followed his progress thus: RUN DARYL, RUN...KEEP AT IT SON...DINNA COWP OWER...THERE'S STEVIE NIC, GIE' UM 'IT...FER FUCKS SAKE...HUD OAN...AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!

I have to tug my forelock in the youngster's direction. He's had quite a bit of stick this season, some of it deserved, some of it very harsh. But he's developing into a real impact player, and now has two goals of genuine quality to throw into the ring for the 2009-10 "goal of the season" competition. With a taste for the spectacular, one now never quite knows which footballing personality he will turn up as when he comes on with fifteen minutes to go. In fairness, he's turned up quite a few times as Carsten Jancker or Chris Iwelumo this season, but no one who saw them will ever forget his simple refusal to give up and do the easy thing last night. And, in a broader context, it finally crushed the City spider under the heel of a muddy and worn Montrose wellington boot.

Full time came not long afterwards, with the fans still chanting Nicol's name. The City players sunk to the turf in despair, as more than a few of them had been choking to play Hibs in Round Five. However, in the final analysis, they simply didn't do enough last night. They had been tidy, well organised, competed and passed the ball well- but had all the bite and menace of a toothless hamster in front of goal.

Montrose weren't at their best over the ninety minutes, but were dominant when it mattered. And, let's not forget, tonight really mattered, not only in keeping ST in a job, but also for the money it will earn the club, which will go some way to ensuring we have a decent and sustainable future for the next few seasons. Our first, hugely unexpected appearance in the last sixteen of a cup for well over twenty years gives the club the chance to fight back from its current low ebb and, after the misery and ill luck which had riddled our league campaign, this manager and these players deserve the opportunity at Easter Road- and, longer term, the chance to get things moving again in the League.

Crowd: a much bigger than expected 1,027; neutrals comfortably trebling the crowd. About 100 of the crowd were backing Montrose- it was good to see Mad Bill, a glammed-up Sophie and some of the Shire diehards there.

Man of the Match: Difficult, but I thought Stevie Nicholas did really well last night- as well as his debut goal, his holding up of the ball and link up play stood out going forward. Daryl Nicol made yet another entry for goal of the season, and John Maitland did okay.

Bitter, and Deluded: Shaun Steven moans and groans in this evening's Edinburgh Evening Snooze that his side were unlucky, better than us, and should have won, with his players singing from the same hymn sheet. Perhaps, once he's got over his understandable disappointment, he might reflect that his pre match media comments fired our boys up, and wrote Tweed's pre match talk for him. I like City as a club, and really hope they make it into the League (preferably at the expense of a wound-up Livingslime) but- get a grip- you were beaten comfortably by the better side, and it is uncharacterisitic Mickey Lawson-style sour grapes to suggest otherwise. Dry your eyes.

Pish Match Report? Never mind, you can watch the game- a Musselburgh fan has done this very decent highlights package and out it up on youtube. I feel Daryl's wonder goal will be watched again, and again, and it should be. Here are the highlights

Edinburgh City game ON

2010-01-18T11:13:00.002Z

Meadowbank passed its pitch inspection this morning so the fourth round cup tie finally goes ahead tonight.

I will be updating on twitter for those who cannot make the game, so keep your eyes peeled on here for hopefully good news as the evening develops.

Montrose (2) 4-5 (2) Stranraer

2010-01-16T18:59:00.005Z

A dank, raw, miserable afternoon at Links Park yesterday. There had been heavy rain in the morning, although it held off for most of the game. The floodlights sputtered slowly into green-yellow life as the game kicked off.

Something of a makeshift Montrose team took to the field for this unexpected fixture. Steven McNally, late of Forfar, turned out at left back, as a trialist. Tweed rested himself and confined Davidson to the bench, ahead of Monday's cup-tie. There was a rare sighting of Marek Tomana in the no. 7 shirt, and Paul Tosh made his first start as a signed player. In blue, the lads lined up: McNeil, Milligan, McNally (Trialist), Campbell, Crichton, Hegarty, Tomana, Maitland, Tosh, Nicholas, Anderson.

The game started with a clatter of goals, in our net, unfortunately. With two minutes on the clock the hulking and scarcely mobile One was fed a ball in from the Knoll touchline, and he deflected it low into the right hand corner for the opener. One is slow, and has the first touch of an elephant in musth, but even he couldn't help but score. Montrose's defence, more statuesque than a Russian council depot full of redundant monumental bronzes of Lenin and Stalin, gave him all the time he needed to score.

A numbed silence descended on the home faithful as they assembled behind the Beach End goal. There had been some kind of naive hope that the extended break would have let the players get their torrid first half of the season out of the system, but no.

Things got worse on six minutes. Stranraer, who had started the game at a much quicker tempo, broke through the middle and the bald pantomine villain Moore broke into the box. He was sent crashing by a badly timed a clumsy challenge, from who I didn't see, and the referee pointed to the spot. It was such a blatant penalty that no one bothered protesting. The ball was stroked away into the bottom left hand corner with contemptuous ease, as McNeil crumpled to his right like a shell shock victim. 0-2. "This could be another Dumbarton" was muttered, grimly.

Fortunately, Stranraer shut up shop somewhat after their second goal. Their reasons for doing so- we hardly ever score, had started the game even worse than normal, and they had two- were understandable enough, but all it did was allow us back into the game after ten minutes of sulking sullenly in the centre circle. Milligan began to look dangerous down the stand side touchline, Tomana began to remember what it was like to play a game of football, and, in particular, an aggressive, hard working shift from Paul Tosh began to make their soggy back four sag. Tosh and Tomana combined well and the forward broke through, but his angle to goal was too tight, and he shot wide. On another occassion, Tosh beautifully ran on to a pass from the Slovak, hurtling into the area at a 45 degree angle to goal, but his beautifully timed shot was very well stopped by the Stranraer keeper, who made a tumbling, instinctive block.

Stranraer are a pretty roughhouse team, and they began to give away endless free kicks. Hegarty blasted over the bar after Tomana had been crudely hacked in the semi-circle; someone else (Anderson I think) made a hash of another free kick. We passed and moved really well, though, and slowly established a dominance in the middle of the park, with Tomana picking up the threads from earlier in the season and Milligan looking really good down the right. Ultimately, it was Milligan who set up our goals before half time.

Having won a corner down our right, Milligan stepped up to take it. In our first corner, his delivery reached the far post, where Alan Campbell hit the base of the left hand post with a downward header. It was a warning the visitors didn't pay any heed to. Three minutes later, having won another corner, Milligan's delivery was a lot flatter, just above head height. The ball picked out a shoddily marked John Maitland, just in front of the penalty spot, and he met the ball beautifully, sending it bulleting past Mitchell into the net.

Three minutes after that, it was all square, just before half time. Again we won a corner, again a flat delivery from Milligan, this time Alan Campbell sent his well-timed header fizzing just inside the right hand post. the ball was "blocked" by the desperate contortions of a Stranraer defender, but the ball was correctly adjudged to have crossed the line before his intervention. 2-2, and delirium on the Beach End, as this come back had been completely unexpected. I've rarely seen a defence so inept at defending straightforward corner kicks, as Stranraer's. We looked like we'd score every time we won a corner.

The first half hour of the second period belonged to Montrose. Stranraer were slow and ponderous, and with Tomana influential in the middle, and Tosh very lively and committed, more goals were inevitable. Astonishingly, we took the lead when Stevie Nicholas, who tried hard all afternoon without much luck, was brutally scythed down in the area by Bouadji, who may have been a touch fortunate to remain on the pitch. Our penalty was a carbon copy of their, driven low and hard into the bottom right hand corner by Tosh. Five minutes later, we took a seemingly unassailable lead. A misplaced Stranraer pass was picked up and a lovely ball played through in Tosh's direction. In the centre of the field, he burst past his startled "marker", bore down on Mitchell, and, from fifteen yards out, chipped him beautifully, before running away to the corner flag with his arms stretched out like the Angel of the North. 4-2.

This had been breathless stuff, and an attacking display full of verve and confidence going forward- the kind of display not seen since last season, in all honesty. The first lines of a happy report on our first victory of the season began to form in my head. Someone said next to me that Stranraer would now go on and win 5-4, but, at that stage, he was joking. Horrifyingly, by the final whistle, his prediction had become farcical reality.

Montrose made the same mistake as their opponents in the first half, by assuming that the game was won. A couple of baffling substitutions were made. Whilst Milligan was clearly being protected for tomorrow night, why Tomana was withdrawn, instead of Sean Anderson, a winger who had been a completely disinterested passenger throughout our most remarkable attacking display of the season, just didn't add up. With Tomana gone, our attacking play dried up, Tosh became isolated, and the side disintegrated like a badly assembled East German barrel organ.

One headed Stranraer back into it, a little, from a right wing cross, to make it 3-4. At that stage, people still expected his second goal to be no more than a consolation. A stunned silence descended on the park as a whistling missile from Agnew made it 4-4, from thirty yards out. And, with seconds remaining, a dangerous right wing cross was somehow missed by everyone in our defence and, unusually, Andy McNeil, but not by Bouadji. The big French centre half rose at the far post to deflect the softest of headers into the roof of the net. 4-5. The posture of Daryl Nicol said it all. As the players trudged back to the half way line he sat on his haunches, head down, disbelieving, in the centre circle.

Even then, we still had a chance to snatch a draw; Nicol did well down the left hand side and fired in a cross which Tosh, when well placed, directed agonisingly wide. Game over.

It's hard to sum up a once in a lifetime defeat like this. Older Montrose heads still remember a 5-4 turning of the tables on Raith Rovers in a cup game in the late 70s, and the last 5-4 game was that narrow win over that worst-ever East Stirlingshire side in about 2003. Yesterday we were on the wrong side of the nine goal divide, and I can honestly say that in all the defeats I've ever seen Montrose sustain, none comes close to being as awful as this one. Previous horrendous gubbings (2-6 at Stenny, successive 0-3s at A*****th, 0-5 at home to the Sons) have at least been against half decent teams. Stranraer are as bad as us- really a rank rotten outfit. Having battered them to the ground and stood with a foot on their throat, we allowed them back up to pick our fragilities apart in the last quarter of the game, for reasons I just cannot fathom. Throwing away our first victory of the season through idleness, bizarre substitutions, and chaotic disorganisation at the back, is simply unforgiveable.

The footballing Gods dropped a claw hammer on Steven Tweed's hand, yesterday, as it clung to the manager's job. I'd reckon he has only about half a slipping pinky finger still clinging to the ledge, now. Only a comprehensive and untroubled victory at Meadowbank tomorrow will prevent him from falling, like so many of his predecessors, into the abyss. I like Tweed, and hope he manages to achieve that short term target, but days like yesterday try the patience of even the most loyal die-hards.

For the first time yesterday, the fans turned on the manager at the final whistle and peppered him with insults and abuse. It is understandable, as they have loyally backed his group of players all season, stoically swallowed annihilations at Berwick, Annan, at home to Shire- and kept their counsel. But, the team keeps making the same basic mistakes, week in, week out, without showing any sign of improvement, or of learning from the errors they make. For many, enough is enough, and Tweed's future prospects at Montrose now look bleak. Only our continued cup run offers any solace in an otherwise genre-redefining awful season. If that ends tomorrow in a "shock" defeat at the hands of Edinburgh City, so too will Tweed's tenure as manager.

Man of the Match: Paul Tosh by a mile. His running, commitment, astute reading of the game and of course his two goals made him the only stand out player. It was good to see Marek come onto a game in the second half, I thought he did pretty well, and Fraser Milligan crossed well all game until his substitution. Unfortunately, my opinion of the back four, and Sean Anderson's contributions, still aren't printable.

Crowd: about 220, two Stranraer fans and their directors turned up. They'll dine out in the port's restaurants for the next month, with rare eye witness accounts of this game.

Saturday Switch?

2010-01-13T10:47:00.003Z

In today's Courier, it has been suggested that Saturday's game with Stranraer will be switched to Links park, subject to SFL approval.

As predicted in my last blog, Stair Park has no prospect whatever of being playable by Saturday, but that's not the case with LP. With the ground now thawing out there is a chance that our pitch may be ready, in which case both clubs will be desperate to get a game after a month of inaction. In the event of the game being switched, the clash with Stranraer at the beginning of March will take place down there.

EDIT: This game is now definitely going ahead at Links Park on Saturday, weather permitting. I can't be arsed writing yet another Stena Sealink Works XI preview, the one I write for the game in mid-December will do, all there is to add is that the gigantic French barrage balloon Armand "the Special" One has now signed for the Stair Parkers, having been an absolute failure in the English Conference with Gateshead. If the lumbering One is fit (a forlorn hope I know, but...) then our centre backs are in for a bruising afternoon.

Anyway, let's hope the weather holds, and see you there if so.

Article

Citizens Preview, Scottish Cup Fourth Round, Maybe, Eventually

2010-01-11T12:08:00.003Z

Finally, it's thawing. Not enough to allow tonight's scheduled replay to go ahead, but probably enough to take place on either Monday or Wednesday of next week. It's likely to be our first game, as the news from Wigtownshire suggests that Stair Park is still rock hard, making a game down there this Saturday unlikely.

When the game does take place, it will be our first match against a club called "Edinburgh City" since the 1948-49 season. City, having been founded in 1928, joined the League in 1931, as Edinburgh's answer to the Spiders, being an amateur team. Given that all senior clubs bar the Hampden outfit were professional by this stage, this seems to have been at best naive, and at worst an absolutely deranged decision. The results spoke for themselves: in the old second division, in the 30s, the highest the hapless Citizens ever reached was the dizzying heights of fourth bottom. After the War's end, the Edinburgh club returned briefly to the fray, but only until 1949, when the committee tired of soul-destroying long seasons in Division 'C', saturated with multiple goal drubbings, and the club turned junior. Six more fitiful seasons of treading water in mid table, and the committee decided that apathy, difficulties in player retention, doubts over the future of their City Park stadium, and the club's heroic failure to ever come remotely close to winning anything significant, in twenty seven miserable years of existence, were enough. The football club folded, with only the Social Club, and sundry darts and pool teams, being evidence that a team of that name had ever existed.

For thirty one years it seemed that the name of Edinburgh City would forever remain alongside the likes of St. Bernards and Leith Athletic as a defunct footnote in the footballing history books. But, in the 1980s, there was something of a fashion for re-forming defunct football clubs with atrocious records, and trying again. In England, Bradford (Park Avenue), were re-formed, taking over from the supporters' club Sunday League team; in Scotland, a bunch of posties approached the Edinburgh City social club and suggested that the football team should be brought out of its three decades of cryogenic freezing. Postal United became Edinburgh City again, and took a place in the East of Scotland league, where they have remained ever since. The re-formed City had an existence more peripaetetic than a Kyrgyz nomad in their first decade, playing at various public parks, and slowly-going-back-to-nature ruins-with-a-collapsing-stand-and-just-about-discernable-terraces venues, around the capital; when they re-formed, their old City Park was occupied by Spartans. The kidnap and murder of Meadowbank Thistle by those scumbags in Livingslime left a vacancy at the little loved "Concrete Lavvypan", and City took up occupancy here in 1995-96.

The club has steadily built a firm base at this gale-swept, soul-less, atmosphere-devoid athletics stadium. Amateurism was ditched pretty swiftly, and the new committee realised that much work had to be done to build up a following in a city with two well supported SPL teams. East of Scotland league football can charitably be described as an acquired taste, and crowds rarely break the hundred barrier at Meadowbank. However, the new team is much more involved at community level than the old bumbling amateurs ever were; City have a comprehensive age group programme and ladies' teams, with the bulk of their impressive under 19 squad progressing to first team football in due course. This community outreach was the strongest point of City's two unsuccessful bids for League membership, in 2002 and 2008; in between, they won the East of Scotland Premier League title in 2006. City built a strong reputation as one of the stronger and best run senior non league teams. their leading goalscorer for several seasons, Robbie Ross, showed extremely poor judgement in signing for the Red Schichties eighteen months ago, whilst Kerr Dodds turned out for them for a while, after leaving Montrose in 2006.

Since then, league performance and position has slipped away somewhat, as Spartans have dominated the league. City hover in more familiar territory, fourth from bottom in the table, as our cup tie takes place, although they have games in hand. They seem to have a very young squad, with little experience outwith of East of Scotland League.

Believe it or not, our last win away, against City, was before the war. In classic Montrose style, we struggle badly against the bottom teams in any league, and in our last visit to City Park (now a weed and rubbish-strewn pitted ruin shortly to be built upon), a week before Christmas 1948, Montrose subsided feebly to an absolutely humiliating 3-0 defeat. I say "absolutely humiliating" as it was one of only two wins City recorded all that season, and indeed was their last ever victory as a Scottish league side. Still, at least that pisspoor performance was an improvement on the shocking catastrophe of 1947-48, when a cobbled together Montrose outfit was left hanging on the barbed wire, having gone over the top at City Park and been devastatingly machine gunned to the tune of 7-3. We had our revenge at Links Park (we beat them 4-2 and 4-0 at LP in 48-49), but losing so comprehensively to an outfit like City in those days would have been the equivalent of losing 7-3 at Firs Park to the Shire in 2002.

We are facing a side with a decent cup pedigree. I can remember the Citizens taking care of the Shire, 1-0 at Meadowbank in extra time after a draw at Firs Park, then going on to ship seven goals to the Pars in the next round, at East End Park. They have given one or two other league sides some worrying moments since their re-formation, without ever progressing to a really big tie in the later rounds. Our game now has been given a real added edge with the Hibees awaiting the winners in the next round. Expect quite a few "neutrals" at this game, with more than a few green and white Edinburgh football fans hoping for an unusual derby against their non league neighbours. The cup draw is clearly a massive incentive for City's squad and would create a great deal of local interest in the club; for us, however, I'd love to see McNeil return to prove the Easter Road doubters wrong, and Steven Tweed drag out some of his old Alec Miller anecdotes for the Evening News.

This is a hard game to call. We haven't played any kind of football for nearly a month and the game could be a bit sluggish and have an early season feel to it, after such a long enforced break with limited training opportunities. City's recent results haven't been much better than ours ( an absolutely spectacular 0-7 implosion against Spartans at Ainslie Park, followed by a deeply underwhelming 1-2 reverse at Raydale Park against the Anvil Abusers in some obscure cup competition) but their adrenaline levels will be at absolute maximum following that draw for the fifth round. City will feel that this tie is very winnable, but we've shown a good deal of resilience and grit, rarely evident in league games, to get this far. If we get through to a game against the Hibbys, it will represent our best cup run since the legendary performance of the mid 1970s, when we made the quarter finals. I'll push the boat out and say we'll just make it, after a replay, but expect a very hard battle in the process.

See you there, whenever the game finally goes ahead.

Scottish Cup Fifth Round Draw

2010-01-10T16:04:00.003Z

If we manage to get past the Citizens, whenever our fourth round tie is played, we will travel to Easter Road at the beginning of February for a fifth round tie with the Hibees.

In the event of a win at Meadowbank or in a replay, it would be a very interesting tie- an unexpected reunion for Steven Tweed and Andy McNeil with their former club. Not sure if it will bring the much needed television revenue that a tie against one of the gruesome Glasgow twosome would have brought, though, but it is still a money spinning game to look forward to, if we can beat the East of Scotland league team. Of course, they just been given a truly massive incentive to beat us- the possibility of a game against a team that many of their players support, whose stadium is a little bit more than a goal kick from the home dugout at Meadowbank. I have a feeling that this draw has made our task in the fourth round a touch harder.

I promise to preview the Edinburgh game later on tomorrow. With the long freeze, I've kind of got of of the habit of writing this blog, so I'll need to fire up my dormant verbal acuity again.

The weather seems to be lifting just a touch, and, with temperatures predicted to be 2-3 degrees in Edinburgh this week (although windchill will make it feel *much* colder), there is a small chance that the replay might now go ahead. However, the Meadowbank pitch was reported to be "rock hard" on Friday, so it has quite a bit of thawing to do before our cup tie can go ahead.

As soon as I hear anything about the replay, I'll let you know.

Hoping to See A Game Soon? Tough Titty...

2010-01-07T12:59:00.003Z

Greetings readers. This time of year is usually a frantic one in the world of football, with the opening of the transfer window, the fourth round of the cup for those lucky enough still to be in it, and the settling of dust on the league table after a busy round of holiday derby matches.

Unfortunately, this is now officially our worst winter since 1962-63. The River Tay is freezing over in the middle of Perth. It hasn't been above zero degrees all week, and the forecasters are predicting an even colder week next, with absolutely no end to the current Siberian winter in sight. It's currently colder in Montrose than it is in Moscow or Tallinn. Batten down the hatches in Mo town, too; a cloaking blizzard is heading towards you from Aibrrrdeen around midnight tonight. Assuming that happens on schedule, the only way you're getting to Jute or Granite City tomorrow is by helicopter or Challenger tank.

Along with all other facets of life football has been thrown into some chaos, as the weather fits Scotland in alongside the Lorne Sausage in a colder drawer of the freezer. Our bizarre defeat at Hampden on the 19th December was the last game played in our league, with the last Second Division matches finishing a week earlier on the 12th. The winter has forced a de facto shutdown, and, as it currently stands, football is unlikely to resume seriously for another fortnight yet, with a full slate of completed games not happening until February.

As I write, there is a pitch inspection taking place at Meadowbank Stadium, but that game being off is little more than a formality. As we're now into the fourth round, the first suggested replay date is Wednesday the 13th, which looks incredibly optimistic. With the first replay date almost certain to be frozen off, we then move onto Monday 18th and Wednesday 20th as next possible dates. Not being able to play the game at the weekend will be a huge disappointment, as it will undoubtedly severely affect the size of the crowd. Many who had been hoping for a fun weekend and a rare win, in the capital this weekend, will not be able to travel in midweek and some of City's further flung fans will also be ruled out. So, whenever the game does eventually take place, we could be part of a record low Scottish Cup fourth round crowd (City have played in front of impressively pitiful cup crowds to date: only 73 bothered to turn up in Innerleithen to watch their victory over Vale of Leithen in round two, whilst their third round win over Marty Allan's sorry cloggers in Edinburgh attracted just 177- including a full coachload from Keith).

The doubtless serial postponement of this cup game will also clog up the league calendar whenever the ice and snows finally melt. We already have two fixtures against Elgin and Forfar to play in midweek, with an away trip to Stair Park, currently scheduled for the 16th January, certain to be added to the list. Even for the bitterest diehards long distance away trips are nigh on impossible to make, unless one wishes to spend the next day at work like a half-shut knife. Dumfries and Galloway bore the brunt of a ferocious snowstorm yesterday, which is liable to render Stair Park useless for a good while to come. Things may have begun to ease a little by the time the Shire and their small knot of arrogant teenage "fans" who were watching Rangers on TV two years ago, are due in town on the 23rd, and for our trip to Shielfield on the 30th. However, it really wouldn't surprise me to see the postponements drag on into next month.

Things haven't totally stopped at Links Park. Steven Tweed faces a weekly battle to try and organise training sessions for the players, a little more taxing than a game of darts in the pub, followed by a viewing of old Champions League matches. Moreover, his moves in the transfer market have been slowed substantially by the weather. Tweed will clearly want to wait to see if we make progress in the cup or not, before finalising his plans but, given the above scenario, he may only have a few days after the cup tie is finally played, before the window closes. He seems keen to sign Paul Tosh, and the big forward clearly is worthy of another look after his impressive showing at Hampden, whilst he is also lining up Paul Stewart, a player who was last with Clyde. Stewart, according to the Clyde fans, is a decent enough right back, but brutal everywhere else, which will create an interesting problem for Tweed in the even of his joining. After all, Fraser Milligan has been revelatory at right back since his shift to that position in September-October. There is no news of Paul Watson, either. There seems little doubt that he has gone back to A*****th just to be freed by Jim Weir, but we need to find the money to sign him from somewhere, and at the moment that is far from certain. With no games for three weeks now, the club, already in a rather sickly financial state before the shutdown, will really be feeling the pressure to pay wages and other bills.

So, with another blank weekend looming, I'll hold over my best ever Montrose team and preview of the Edinburgh City game a little bit longer for now- I'm sure all three of you are desperate to read it! That update will probably be on Sunday.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2009-12-31T15:41:00.002Z

...when it comes.

By the way, the Forfar game is off already, so in the first week of 2010 there will be a look back at 2009, and the best ever Montrose XI on here, plus, a cup preview, depending on the weather (yet again).

Have a great night everyone, wherever you are.

Montrose Never-Quite-Weres-XI

2009-12-29T17:29:00.004Z

Before I write up my final determinations on the best-ever Montrose XI, I thought I'd put together an intermediate-stage team, consisting of players who all looked as though they had a real chance to achieve "legend" status at some point in their time at Links Park but, who, in the end, faded away without delivering. Here they are:

1. Sandy Wood. Local lad signed amidst great media hullaballoo at the beginning of the Wolecki era, from Celtic. In his first few games Sandy oozed confidence and professionalism but the rot had set in by the beginning of the spring, with his handling in the air beginning to be suspect. By the end of 2005-6, it was clear his confidence, having made the tricky move from full to part time football, was shot to pieces, and he was kept out of the side by Andy Reid, signed in summer 2005 as Henry Hall's last first choice goalkeeper. Poor Sandy didn't regain his high standards during a two season spell at Faaarfir and he now seems to have drifted out of the game, concentrating instead on his law studies at university.

2. Steven "Chippy" Fraser. "Chippy" looked barely old enough to be in secondary school when he signed from the Perth Saintees, where he failed to make the grade. Comfortable on the ball and very determined, despite his slight build, he played at full back and in various places in midfield. Sluiced out as Black and Robertson drained Wolecki's lake, in the wake of that manager's departure, he had a brief spell at St. Andrews United in the juniors before disappearing to the US.

3. Ian Joy An American utility player signed from the Binos in the Sheran era, Joy looked like he could develop into a real asset- but made only a handful of appearances before securing a full time deal back in England. Later turned out for Chester and Kidderminster Harriers before going home. Talented, athletic, at Links Park all too briefly.

4. Darren Spink. A squad player even in Henry Hall's tiny squad of seven plus seven Perth Saintees on loan during 2004-5. Although some fans raised an eyebrow at his A*****th surname and footballing patrilineage, I always felt the adaptable Spink had bad luck at Links Park, and should have played far more often than he did. Looked very comfortable and assured in a few appearances at centre half at the end of that season, even although that was not his natural position. Drifted out of the game at the end of that term, when it became clear that a new deal would not be forthcoming, to concentrate on his ambitions to play cricket for Scotland. Sadly, that hasn't panned out for him, although until recently he was a high scoring batsman with A*****th United cricket club.

5. Neil Stephen. "Neilly" was a calm, ball playing centre half and very dependable in Henry Hall's time. Having signed as a surplus to requirements youth player form Dumpdee, he became a mainstay of the back line during 2004-6 before sloping off to the Fishy Jailers. It was a major mistake of Wolecki's to let him go so quickly, even if his face didn't seem to fit under the new regime. Later, "Neilly" had a brief return to Montrose before ending up in the Dundee juniors, although I'm not sure where (and if) he's playing now. An absolute gentleman off the park, too: I occasionally saw him around Dundee and he always made time to ask how things were going at the club.

6. Stuart Ferguson. "Fergie" would have played many more times for Montrose than he did, were it not for knees made from polystyrene. Seriously injured at least twice in a long spell at the club, when fit, he was a tenacious and hard working defender. A real club man, appointed as HH's last captain, he came to every game and kicked every ball during a long period of convalesence. After short spells at the Bridies and, tragically, the Maroon Malevolence, didn't work out, he has finished up at Tayport, alongside Barry Donachie and a couple of other decomissioned ex-Montrose hulks.

7. Kevin Webster. Webster really divided opinions in his time at the club. On his day, the former Scottish schoolboy international was a very destructive player with a wicked cross. He also had a free kick in him; an eighty ninth minute thunderbolt at Firs Park, to rescue a point after a dreadful performance, still lingers in the memory, leaving that scarcely literate "journalist" Gordon Parks to whine about "the wee blond guy from Montrose who did a Ronald Koeman" in his pisspoor Daily Ranger column. Sadly, as he would probably admit himself, on-form days only came around about half a dozen times a season. Still loathed by Berwick fans for a controversial goal in the Scottish Cup in 2003-4 (to be honest the great-great-grandchildren of that perpetually whining and pointlessly argumentative lot, will probably still be writing bitterly about it on the internet in 150 years time). Still denigrated by Forfar fans for a less than successful six months at Station Park, and blotted his copybook by turning out for the Red Schichties and trying to get one of our players sent off in a derby match. Now at No Fans Rangers where he will doubtless be very effective whilst playing well within himself-the summary of a wasted talent, sadly.

8. Greig Henslee. Few players have caused so much excitement when signing for Montrose, after Henslee joined in the summer of 2005. With A*****th fans hoping that Henslee would stay and captain their team in the second division, they didn't realise that the player had already signed at Links Park. Played all over the place by a skeptical Henry Hall- from right back to centre forward- he netted an early hat-trick against the Shire but things began to tail off for him around the turn of the year. Left the club shortly after Jim Weir arrived, in unhappy circumstances, to rebuild his career in New Zealand. It's not totally impossible that he will return to LP one day, and a focused and problem-free Henslee would be an asset to any lower league team.

9. Martin Wood. A strong, quick, skilful centre forward noted for scoring spectacular goals, none more so than a dipping missile after a lightning quick turn on the edge of the area, at Cliftonhill, to wrap up a late 2-1 win in spring 2005. Wood's problem was his temperament- he always seemed in a bad mood whilst playing, and had very little time for less taleneted team mates. His contribution in a 1-4 defeat at Raydale Park in spring 2005 summed him up: having scored an absolute snorter of an opening goal to silence the plastic multitude of flag-waving Gr£tna "fans", he then missed a much easier chance to put us 2-0 up, and lost the ball in midfield, leading to their equaliser, just before half time. The second half was spent bellowing "at's fuckin brutal" as Euan Hall and Matt Slater failed to reach him with passes as his work rate dropped through the floor. Was seen at Links Park two seasons ago, looking much trimmer and hungrier after his spell at the Fishy Jailers ended, but sadly he wasn't re-signed, and he drifted off to finish his career- unfulfilled and far too early- at Marty Allan's pisspoor Keith.

10. Chris Ogboke. Having clattered in a hat-trick for the reserves during the Bervie Chipper era, big Chris looked like he might be the answer after two or three seasons of barren shot shy Montrose sides. Unfortunately, as so often happens, never reached that level of performance when it mattered in the first team; his talent was obvious, but never realised in a sequence of erratic displays. Turned junior in Aberdeen, had a trial with Blyth Spartans in England, which didn't come to anything, and returned again to playing for the likes of Culter and Hermes. Still plying his trade at that level now.

11. James Russell. Russell's performance in a 3-1 defeat of Jim Moffat's Bores of the Season was one of the stand out performances by a Montrose winger in the last decade. Having calamitously given away the ball for the Bores opener in the first half, he went postal in the second, producing a high tempo display of running, beating men and crossing that the creaking and statuesque Methil defence simply could not cope with. Laid three goals on a plate- two scored by "Foxy" Fotheringham, the other by Henslee- as Montrose ended up winning 3-1 with great ease. Having shown he had real ability, Russell declined to really show it again, dropping out of the side in spring time and fading away to the juniors that summer. A much portlier Russell is now Broughty Athletic's star player in the East Region Division Seven or whatever- had he been bothered, he could have played at a much, much higher level.

Manager Henry Hall. HH took over from John Sheran, as Montrose rapidly imploded at the beginning of 2003-4, after a soul-destroying 2002-03. Were seasons done by calendar years instead of from August-May, we would have gone up in 2004, as HH masterminded a remarkable recovery after Sheran's acrimonious departure. 2004-5 wasn't a bad season, in a league where Gr£tna and the Fishy Jailers bought promotion; we finished fifth, just outside of what was the become the play offs. Sadly, HH's flaws became apparent in that close season; he wasn't much interested in anything but coaching, having failed to realise that being a modern manager is much more than that. Players increasingly tired of his hackneyed training sessions and stopped turning up. Moreover, his haphazard transfer policy saw us start 2005-6 with a quite ridiculous squad of three goalkeepers, fourteen midfielders, and Willie"that's my goal for this season" Martin. Given his jotters after a truly apocalyptic 2-6 gubbing at Ochilview in November 2005, the straw that broke the very depressed camel's back. HH was a good coach, and a decent man, but gave the impression of being unable to comprehend, let alone adapt, to the fundamental changes sweeping football in the new century. Hasn't worked as a manager since, although he can still be seen at junior games, and does a bit of scouting.

Sometime in the next day or so I'll put up a Faaarfirr preview, and, if it doesn't go ahead, my best-ever Montrose XI

Moskvitch Weather Means Football Unlikely

2009-12-29T10:35:00.003Z

Greetings readers! As I write this, I can see the River Tay from my living room window; it has ice floes on it which aren't breaking up. We got over a foot of snow here on Boxing Day night, and it's not going anywhere. It was minus sixteen at 0800hrs and it's about minus 5 now. It makes driving a nightmare: a simple five minute journey becomes a foul mouthed half hour assault course, whilst the same journey on foot is a slippy-slidey lottery. The only vehicle appropriate for this weather is a Moskvitch, and there are hardly any of those left outside of Russia.

I'm not sure where this catastrophic freeze came from, as the weather until mid-December was, well, blander than a Kenny G album. The net result is that we may be idle for a few weeks. With temperatures as low as minus 6 predicted for the second of January, prospects for the keenly awaited jarring of antlers with The Queen's Own Loyal Faarfir Household Bridies seems very unlikely- plastic can withstand downpours but not, it would seem, frost and ice. Moreover, there must already be some doubt about the jaunt to face Edinburgh City the weekend after in the Cup. At the best of times, the Meadowbank "pitch" is gloopier and more free of grass than liquid meringue mixture, and the chances of that wretched surface surviving a hardening of its arteries from the current conditions are zero.

All of which is extremely chafing. I'm not the only one who's been looking forward to these games for ages. The Bridies game, even before Fester's brutal tabloid kebabbing, had all the makings of a New Year classic encounter, whilst our first game of any kind against the Citizens for sixty years is a real prospect to savour. I fully expect a nerve shredding ninety minutes against them, with the stakes (Airdrie or Alloa away, probably) potentially being very high; in the near unthinkable circumstances in which we lose that one, there is at least the palliative prospect of an evening spent face down and a stranger to reason in the capital's boozers/nightclubs.

The alternative to these dates now seems to be some pisspoor January midweek date at a really inconvenient, gate-halving and distinctly non-Festive time. But, this cold front just does not seem to want to go away, so it looks like, sadly, we'll have to get used to a couple of football free weekends, in what is normally the busiest time of the football calendar. :( With nothing really to write about on the park, there will be a couple of longer articles on this blog in the next week or so, the first of which is coming right up after this post.

Worst all-time Montrose XI

2009-12-27T10:54:00.001Z

Warming to the theme of "Worst-Ever" started in my recent post, Maxi and I worked out an XI of doom over a curry, after the game at Hampden on Saturday. Whilst slanted towards recent times- since I came back from Wales in 2004- there are some players here from further back that still send an ice cold globule of sweat trickling down the spine. Here we go:

1. Stuart McKenzie Stuart could stop a shot but had the aerial prowess more normally associated with a balsa wood model plane in a gale. Terrified of crosses, bullied in his six yard box, and a kicking ability little better than the elderly "Fingers" Butter in the last stages of his career. Maxi suggested Michael "the Human Skittle" Hankinson, but I thought that was harsh- Hanky was similarly disastrous in the air but all he needed was a run of games to get his confidence up. He had that at the beginning of 2004-5, before being mysteriously dropped for no apparent reason by HH, after a 2-3 defeat at Balmoor. Hanky was a great shot stopper and not bad in a one-on-one situation-certainly better than the hapless McKenzie, by some distance. Sadly, these days, Hanky is turning out as an outfielder in Dundee amateur football.

2. Stuart Cumming Cumming was an unfortunate combination; a huge opinion of his own importance, in inverse proportion to his actual ability. Having put in the odd okay shift at Hellgin, he was even better reknowned for starting completely baseless rumours about the likes of WBA being interested in signing him. At Links Park, he occasionally reached the dizzying heights of w-a-a-a-a-a-a-shhhh, but that was in only half a dozen games- the rest of his "appearances" didn't see him hit even that standard. Now realising his true potential at Morfartine, after Buckfast Thistle took a brief look at him, then bombed him out for being shite.

3. Jered Stirling Simply godawful. Stirling had more clubs than an Inuit seal-hunter, and was the archetypal lower league journeyman. A bombscare at both left back and centre half, Stirling was slower than a unicycle with a flat tyre, and he had the unerring ability to hit thirty yard passes straight to an opposition player. The worst player by some distance in Davie Robertson's calamitously dreadful outfit, Black and Robertson soon tired of his ineptitude and showed him the door.

4. Graham Hay What happened here? When Wolecki signed the virulently tattoed "Hayzer" on loan from Dumpdee in January 2006, he really looked a player- for about forty five minutes. After that, any ability and confidence slipped away like sand in an hour glass. By the end of the season was a one-paced, non tackling embarrassment, kept out of the side by a seventeen year old. Now playing for Lochee United.

5. Kargara Lord Ndiwa signed at a time when when anyone who could walk in a straight line, write their own name without help and sit through the video of the 1985 title winning triumph without yawning, was offered a deal. Certainly, the Congolese player was the most exotically named ever to wear a Montrose shirt but he was a poor, poor footballer. Recruited from English non league, with a murky and brief spell in Sweden also to his name, Ndiwa was handily based in South London and flew up to take part in games. His fourth return ticket on easyjet, quite rightly, was his last, and he slipped back into the nether regions of the Ryman League.

6. Andy Cargill Another funny one, this. Red Schichties fans swear blind that Cargill was their player of the season in the first division, under Baikie, dominating midfields with ease and scoring wonder goals along the way. By the time he hit Montrose, Cargill appeared overweight and decidedly disinterested. His "performance" up against the mobile and skilful JP McBride in a 0-3 home defeat to Stenny must rank as one of the worst displays of all time by a Montrose midfielder, as the ex-Celtic man waltzed around him all game in his carpet slippers. Unsurprisingly, was rapidly shown the door by Wolecki after he took over. Cargill still showed the odd glimpse of his talent with us but, infuriatingly, just couldn't be bothered using it. A real waste.

7. Benny Andrew Allegedly a "winger" and "forward" still held in high regard by East Fife fans. A roly poly, slow, disinterested shambles of a player, who struggled to cross his bathroom unaided, when he signed for Kevin Drinkell's Montrose.

8. Bradley Lowe I feel a bit bad about this inclusion as Bradley "starred" for the first team when I was away from town. i am reliably informed by many different Montrose fans that he re-defined awful in his appearances for John Sheran's first team, with these fans insisting that Lowe's lack of pace and ability, coupled with a heart the size of a pea, would have seen him struggle to make an impression in the Welfare League. Bradley's senior career pretty much ended when his father left the club, confirming the nepotist suspicions which had long hardened in the minds of many. Withering, irate, scarcely coherent postscripts on Bradley's "performances" nearly melted down the old Mo Mo Super Mo messageboard during his time at the club.

9. Jon Voight When he signed in the summer I tried to be as positive as I could. Voight had been an absolute disaster with A*****th, with one fan on Pie & Bovril dismissing him as "the worst senior player I've ever seen, bar none. Missed an open goal from four yards out whilst with the Maroon Malevolence and packed off to Carnoustie Panmure after that polecat McGlasham gave up on him ever getting any better. Scored goals in the East Region Premier Division, but sadly never looked like scoring goals in his handful of appearances for us. Leaden footed, idle, all the vision of a man with a white stick, and all the confidence of a stammering plooky fourteen year old asking a girl for a dance at a school disco. Shudder.

10. Iain McLeod With Wolecki obliged to slash the budget and pay players not much more than £50 per week, McLeod was recruited, in desperation, from Dundee North End, having last played senior about five or six seasons previously. It showed. Freed after a miserable six months of relentless anonymity, he now manages James Russell and Bobby "I'm 83!!!" Brown at Broughty Athletic

11. Stefan Winiarski Benny Andrew's even less effective and more useless former East Fife team-mate- a grandstanding disaster of a utility midfielder- equally bad in whichever role he was asked to fulfil.

Manager: Kevin Drinkell. Drinkell was simply an awful manager. The fact that, during one game at Shielfield Park, he was smoking a fag and watching the Old Firm game in the Borderers social club, ten minutes before kick off, without bothering to address his players, exemplifies the kind of fully committed, passionate engagement with the job that chcarcterised his reign. The gentlemanly and old fashioned chairman Paton gave him far too long to fail in the job, and he delivered richly, finally being garotted after successive 0-6 defeats at the beginning of (00-01) I think. Even in a decade of largely dreadful failures in the dugout- Leishman, Dornan, Campbell- Drinkell stood out for his all round lack of ability. That team in the hideous red white and blue abstract squiggles, under Drinkell's "command", would be enough to send even the most committed diehard scuttling to Catser's for a stiff drink and sanctuary.

Contribute!

Have I missed someone? Do you think Benny Andrew was a great player and are you outraged by his inclusion here? Contribute in the comments section below. And, just to show that this organ is not the vituperative salt-mine of poisonous negativity that many claim it is, the next entry, assuming the Faaaaaaaaaarfirr game is off, will be Montrose's best all time XI- in my opinion, of course.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-22T12:39:00.002Z

Gable End Graffiti is now off for its Christmas holidays. I'm not going to Elgin, although, if the weather continues in its current run of freezing form, no one else will be, either. If the game goes ahead, it will be the first game I've missed since the hugely unjust defeat to Uncle "I once sang the Fields of Athenry, honest" Fester's shock troops on August 22nd. Back then, I had the reasonable excuse of being in Serbia, this time, I'll be in sunny Glasgow.

The next update will be a rambling post-Yuletide dissertation on any of the games that beat the Boxing Day freeze (prediction: none), and a cranking up of the temperature ahead of the visit of The Queen's Own Loyal Faaarfir Household Bridies, on January the 2nd. Also, before then, there will be a review of 2009, and a brief look back over the 100+ posts in this ivy-covered rural cyber-pillar box.

So, to all you loyal readers, a very Merry and Happy Christmas 2009.

Worst Start since 1955-56

2009-12-21T09:38:00.002Z

There's an interesting stat in today's Scottish Tory round up (remember to look at the Twitter site for today's media links). This season is officially our worst since the legendarily abysmal season of 1955-56. Back then, the old "C" Division had been abandoned (cup opponents Edinburgh City relinquished league membership as a result, if I remember rightly) and Montrose along with one or two other smaller clubs were re-admitted into Division Two. A calamity of near unimaginable dimensions resulted. Here's our record from that season:

Montrose 36 4 3 29 44 133 −89 11

We finished in nineteenth place, fifteen points adrift of the second bottom Red Schichties.

Our current record reads as follows:

Montrose 17 0 6 11 9 29 -20 6

I very much doubt we'll conceded over 100 goals in our last nineteen games, mind, but this is sobering reading.

Queen's Park (1) 3-2 (0) Montrose

2009-12-20T17:40:00.005Z

Absolutely freezing conditions in Glasgow yesterday. The start of this game was delayed by a snap blizzard which left the players warming up for longer than usual, as referee Richmond waited to see how the weather played out. In fact, the game didn't start until quarter past three, and it was played with a strange highlighter-pen fluorescent yellow ball.

The blizzard abated and the game began. Manager Tweed had resisted the temptation to include Tomana, and new trialist Paul Tosh started the game in the no. 9 shirt. Alan Campbell dropped to right back in the absence of Fraser Milligan, allowing Hegarty to continue in the middle of the park. In their blue tops, the boys lined up: McNeil, Campbell, Sinclair, Crighton, Tweed, Davidson, Watson, Hegarty, Tosh (Trialist), Nicholas, Anderson.

Queen's Park adapted quicker to the arctic conditions and took the lead through McBride on ten minutes. Some neat passing down the left wing saw McBride, lurking fifteen yards out, receive the ball unmarked. Crisply, he despatched a well struck right foot drive into the top right hand corner of the goal, leaving poor McNeil helpless. 1-0.

Montrose tried to get back in the game but it quickly became apparent that Hegarty, in particular, was having what could charitably be described as a howler in the middle of the park. Of course, everyone is allowed an off day and Heggy's performances this season have bought him more than a little wriggle room. However, he looked lethargic and off the pace yesterday and his distribution was absolutely pitiful. Sadly, Watson alongside him had one of his poorer games, too. About half way through the first half, the ball scuttled across the area and, three yards out, the midfielder somehow failed to hit the target, blasting wide.

The first half was a sclaffy and low quality affair which lingered little even in my addled memory. However, as the temperature plummeted, the second half picked up. Montrose offered little going forward, but Paul Tosh spent most of the half desperately trying to apply jump leads to our flat and rusty battery. The gangling trialist had a very good touch and range of passes and there was a hint or two that he might link up well in the future with Stevie Nic.

Queens' went two up after the hour- a drive from the edge of the area, after good build up play, eluding McNeil and again bulging the roof of the net. What was a little upsetting was that, after that goal, the players' heads dropped and they seem to accept defeat. Tosh kept working the jump leads and finally produced a spark eight minutes from time. receiving the ball, isolated, on the edge of the area, he turned away from his marker and in a giant personal pincer movement suddenly twisted the other way and chipped the advancing Hamilton, the ball nestling in the back of the net. 2-1, and a fine piece of skill and vision from the man blackballed by No Fans Rangers.

QP were determined not to let their lead slip though, and almost scored immediately from the re-start, McNeil making a block. A minute later they did go 3-1 up after another fine move saw McBride complete a brace from the edge of the six yard area with a low, clean finish. By this stage, Daryl Nicol had been introduced and, given his recent record, few expected much when a panicky clearance fell to him twenty five yards out, at a forty five degree angle to the near post. With the QP defence backing off, Daryl dropped his shoulder and unleashed a firecracking meteroite of a shot that nearly tore the roof of the net off its stanchion- I don't think Hamilton in the home goal really saw it. No one would have believed that the confidence-shot little forward had that in him, and it was worth the entrance fee in its own right. A shame the goal didn't really matter when he scored it but, nonetheless, this is definitely a major candidate for Montrose goal of the season.

This report may seem a little patchy, but there's no point in the usual rambling fifteen thousand word dissertation, as sometime next week highlights of the game will be up on the excellent QP Highlights site- it'll be worth keeping an eye on that to see Daryl's goal when the game is uploaded. In summary, QP deserved their win yesterday, as they passed the ball better than us, and were dominant in the middle of the park. Frustratingly, Montrose looked extremely disjointed between midfield and the front two, and, as a consequence, never really mounted the sustained threat to the home goal which we had all expected. We did score two excellent individual goals, but both of these came at a time of the game when we seemed to have accepted defeat.

When will we ever win a league game again? Six points from seventeen matches is an absolute embarrassment and, with this freezing weather expected to last all week, next week's game at Borough Briggs looks in doubt- I'll be amazed if a tropical sub weather system in Morayshire makes it go ahead. As a result, we are likely to welcome Fester's first footers on January 2nd, still without a win to our name.

Man of the Match: For me it was Sean Crighton. The centre half had a dip in form in the autumn but yesterday he was back to his commanding best with some fine blocks and tackles, and very decent distribution. I was also pleasantly surprised by the contribution of Paul Tosh: he put in the most effective shift that anyone has in a no. 9 shirt for Montrose this season.

Crowd: The official figure was 397, of which seven were backing Montrose. I suspect the spinechilling Stalingrad-type conditions, and the imminence of Christmas, took about a hundred off the gate.

Twitter: So twittercasting started, hope those of you who kept half an eye on them as the afternoon progressed enjoyed them. Sorry for the lack of updates in the first half. Most of you will not know, but I am diabetic, and a hypoglycaemic attack produced a first half experience, akin to watching the game whilst on LSD. Montrose is a surreal enough experience most Saturdays to preclude the use of mind-altering chemicals, and happily I was able to resume some kind of freezing normality in the second half. I think with a few more people signing up I will keep doing them, the next "far flung" away game being Stranraer on January 16th.

Twitter's pretty good though for things like media updates. In future, I won't do any more media updates on this blog, but will link directly onto twitter, so you can read them yourselves, without the usual bombastic rhetorical gloss from me.

Edinburgh City's Spy: A man cam over to us yesterday and introduced himself as being an official with our cup opponents, Edinburgh City. He suggested that all Montrose fans will be welcome in the City Social Club, at 7-8 Baxter Place, Edinburgh, on the day of the cup tie itself. The link takes you to a map of the City social club's location.

Gable End Graffiti on Twitter

2009-12-16T11:41:00.006Z

Yes, that's right. Twitter.

I've always been very skeptical of Twitter myself, failing to see the point of micro blogging ephemeral updates from the lives of absolute nobodies ("I just took a shit LOL", "OMG I is pissed...", "Bludy central heating broke down and I am freezing :(", "Feeling low today an listenin 2 Mariah Carey 'gain..."). Frankly, I'd rather live my life rather than spend it reading about anonymous others "living" theirs in real time on-line. Apparently, however, this makes me a crusty old retired colonel with Brown Windsor soup in his moustache, in internet terms. Sites like twitter and the less well known tumblr are allegedly at the whitest-hot point of what is called "Web 2.0", i.e. an internet ever more interactive and user-defined.

However, twitter does have other functions, in that it allows for things like live match updates from places like Hampden. So, I'm going to trial it on Saturday and see if there's much interest. Obviously, I'm well aware that most folk have better things to do with the Saturday afternoon before Christmas, than sit glued to a computer waiting for some anonymous scribe to paint a bleak picture of the latest sclaff, when well placed, in less than 140 characters. But, if there is enough interest, I will repeat this service again in future, from far flung away games when there's no supporters' bus going.

"Follow" Gable End Graffiti, and the match on Saturday, by subscribing to this link. If you can't be affed signing up to twitter, follow the game on the sidebar here (just in between the Blog Archive and Montrose Links sections.) And, I promise, there will be no updates concerning my alcohol intake or bowel movements. Don't say I'm not good to you.

Spiders Preview

2009-12-16T09:27:00.006Z

So, as the nation's shoppers collectively claw their faces off trying to secure the last Christmas bargain, and buy enough food to weather an invasion and occupation by the Red Army, at least two Montrose fans will be heading for the National Stadium to see if the club can finally win at the seventeenth time of asking, this Saturday. Back in April, few imagined that, having seen Montrose convincingly beat two of the third division's soon-to-be-promoted sides -the Miners and Stenny- convincingly, that we would have to subsist on starvation rations this season. However, it's not quite time for the end of year review quite yet, so that's enough of this paragraph.

Since being cheered on to a slightly fortunate 2-1 win back on a Tuesday in October, by twenty portly Bucky-addled truants, the Spiders have improved slightly after a poor start to the season. They have progressed from being reliably awful, to consistently inconsistent. They followed up their scarcely deserved triumph in Montrose with a hugely unexpected victory over the Wee Rovers at Cliftonhill, 1-0; a further victory was secured by the same scoreline, against the Shire at Hampden, in addition to points at difficult venues such as Shielfield, and Stair Park, last weekend. However, one never knows when the Gentleman Pipe Smoking Amateurs will blast a stinking flatulent gust of rank-rottenness in the face of their own fans. On their site, very good highlights of each game are available- have a look at their 0-3 home defeat to Hellgin Academy Sixth Form, the single worst performance by any third division side I've seen this season, and I include our early league showings in that. Perhaps more excusable, they have also endured depressingly one sided reverses to The Most Hated Franchise in Scotland, in both league and cup.

Although the Spiders have been getting slowly better, in the manner of a recovering convalescent, consultant-head-coach Gardner Spiers has yet to fully convince the fans. On the lively Spiders Talk messageboard, the younger and more hot headed elements of the home faithful have regularly either called for the coach's head on a liveried Queen's Park dinner plate, or at least severely doubted his tactical "acumen". Those with a little more experience, of the drought years under Eddie Hunter, Hugh McCann and Graeme Elder, or indeed the downright catastrophic tenure of Kenny Brannigan, stick more to the gentlemanly traditions of the club, refusing to call for Spiers to step aside on point of principle (presumably any protest by them takes a gentler and less direct form, such as blackballing Spiers' application to the local golf club, failing to raise their bowler hat as they pass him on the street, or ostentatiously coughing into their napkin as he gets up to deliver a speech at a charity dinner).

The sticking point is Queen's failure to score regularly. Expensive carpets have been chewed across Mount Florida owing to Spiers' insistence on playing loan striker Paul Quinn out wide, instead of through the middle. Quinn scored at Links Park, but apparently he would have had a lot more if only the coach would listen to the fans. Certainly, with just thirteen goals in the league this season, all is not well in the amateurs' forward line.

That said, the Spiders have a decent enough squad for this league. I was deeply unimpressed with goalkeeper Scott Black at Links Park, who handled the ball in the manner of an inexperienced juggler handling one skittle too many, and hope that, in the unlikely event that he plays, we can put a bit of pressure on him in the six yard box- the man is hapless with high balls raining down on top of him under the crossbar. Spiers seems to recognise he has a problem here, as he recently signed Scotland's amateur international goalkeeper as "competition" for Black. And, that "competition", someone called Peter Hamilton, who by day is a Chemistry genius, has started the last four games.

In defence, Richard Sinclair and Ricky Little are familiar names- Little has only recently finished a spell with the Harry Wraggs. In midfield, Tony Quinn, who puts the "clog" in "clogger", has his "efforts" finessed by the likes of Capuano and Martin McBride. In summary, these are a team to be respected, rather than feared.

What are our prospects? Who knows. We have only this and the game up at Borough Briggs against the unfathomable Hellgin Academy Sixth Form left, in order to avoid the rank embarrassment of heading into the New Year without a win to our name- comfortably the worst start we have ever made to a season within living memory, and the worst start made by any side to a league campaign since the inception of the third division. The curious thing is that this Montrose side have enjoyed a better and more consistent support from the fans, during these lean times, than teams which were allegedly "better" on paper (I'm thinking of late-era Sheran, late-era Henry Hall). Back then, some players on decent money just weren't trying, a capital offence in the eyes of any fan. What we have here I a manager trying his absolute hardest to make some impact with a very weak hand in the game of poker that is a football season. The fans can also see- even although the results are sometimes *incredibly* frustrating- that the players are really giving their all for that manager. Colleagues at work recently have asked me what on earth is going on at Links Park, and laughed with disbelief when the mantra of We're-Playing-Well-But-Not-Getting-Any-Breaks is trotted out for the umpteenth time.

It's likely that we'll be bottom of the pile this year, and some fans are already mentally trading a comfortable win against Edinburgh City in the Cup, for just a couple of draws and decent performances in the league, in the next few weeks. As far as Saturday goes, I hope we're really direct. The key for me this weekend is the role played by the Slovak magician. Marek Tomana has looked really out of sorts in the last month or so- detached from the other players, miserable, and frustrated at being left on the sidelines. I'd give him the responsibility behind Nicholas and Gemmell on Saturday, to co-ordinate and drive forward our attacks, feeding Anderson wide left to get the ball in on top of the butter fingered Black's head. Tomana was comfortably our best player against the amateurs at Links Park, and this is his sort of game- big open spaces, an opponent that likes to get the ball down, pass and play the game properly. Being honest, i can understand why he's been left out against big physical sides like Stevie Crawford's Fife Home for the Elderly and Annan Agricultural, as they were not his kind of games (you can just see the opposition manager informing his hammer throwers at centre half to get stuck intae that wee shite beforehand). I feel that if Marek is given responsibility, and told to go and play the way he can, he will recover some of his old self, and we could really be doing with him back and firing on at least six of his eight cylinders.

We have nothing to lose from this match. if we lose, or draw, no one will notice- same old from Montrose. If we win, though, we will make people sit up and take notice for the briefest of moments before collapsing in a helpless octopus of laughter, whilst pointing in the direction of QP. Stick Tomana in behind a front two of Gemmell and Nicholas, both ex-Spiders, and one of them's bound to score against his old club, no? With Anderson out wide, and our midfield and defence looking increasingly settled, we should be approaching this as a winnable game.

Whatever happens, you can read about it here probably sometime on Saturday night, or maybe even more probably on Sunday.

Gable End Graffiti Player of the Season 2009-10

2009-12-13T17:37:00.003Z

It's time to give you an update on the state of play with the GEG Player of the Season League table so far, for 2009-10. The inaugural winner of this highly prestigious award was Graeme Sharp in 2004-5, and I think Henslee won it in 2005-6. After that, like this blog, the award went into abeyance, but we're awarding it again this season. The astonishing, and much sought after prize, is a drink of the winner's choice to be bought at the end of the season players' do. Sharp went for a long vodka or a vodka and tonic, as I remember, whilst Henslee went straight for a pint.

In a season as terrible as this, the term Player of the Season might seem as redundant as awards such as Afghan Church Organist of the Year or the Swiss Navy Navigator of the Year. However, those of you with the stamina and low boredom threshold necessary to navigate your way across the churning seas of turgid verbiage, vomited on here every weekend, will notice an award for a Man of the Match, and one or two other players in the close but no cigar category.

Two points are awarded for a Man of the Match Award, and one point for an "Honourable Mention". And, after incredibly complex mathematical calculations made by GEG's own supercomputer, Hankinson, the results so far come up as follows:

8 Points

Aaron Sinclair

7 points

Andy McNeil, Marek Tomana

6 points

Paul Watson

5 points

Fraser Milligan

4 points

Sean Crichton, "Scooby" Davidson

2 points

John Gemmill, Sean Fleming, Steven Coutts

1 point

Steven Tweed, John Maitland

So, Aaron in the lead after growing hugely as a player in the first part of the season. If Marek is *really* retuning home, then he's going to drop out of the running, leaving keeper Andy McNeil and Paul Watson as the main challengers. If Fraser Milligan can stay fit, he could be an outside dark horse candidate.

I'll update you again on the progress of this hugely prestigious award, on a very wet Sunday afternoon in March.

Third Division & Angus Round-Up

2009-12-13T11:59:00.004Z

Happy tidings for the Bridies have been hard to come by this season, but yesterday's 2-1 victory for them at the yellow plastic pustule of Almondvale can only gladden the hearts of most neutrals. The Full-Time-Taxpayer-Funded Franchise have been on a long unbeaten run, and few gave Fester's men any hope of winning yesterday. However, that big oaf Gibson had them in front after just two minutes, and although Andrew "simulation" Halliday hit an equaliser midway through the first half, the Cheating Perpetually Whining Frankenteam could not batter their way to a victory, as they had done in previous home games. Alas, for them, Tulloch (!) netted a winner deep into injury time, leaving the loathsome 5p in the pounds no chance to fashion an equaliser. I'd love to say that this is a start of a slide down the table for Gary Bollan and his weird farrago of arrogant no-marks, but, sadly, it's likely only to be a temporary blip on their way to the title- winning promotion only to go bust, yet again, sometime next year, and finally, hopefully be thrown out of football for good.

Sadly, what should have been a happy Sunday morning of enjoyable reading for Faaaarrfirrr fans has been rather undermined by a front page scandal. And it's none other than Fester himself who has shat in the Bridies handbag, with the poor man having been done like a kipper by the vulpine News of the Screws. The Screws has exclusive footage of Fester leading sectarian chants with the Rangers fans in Seville on Tuesday last, and I'll be surprised if he survives this imbroglio. Given that Fester subsequently lied about the incident to journalists, we have a crime count of sectarian fuckwittery + deceit, matters on which the Station Park board are likely to take an extremely dim view. We shall see.

With The Most Hated Club in Scotland subsiding to a long overdue defeat, the battle between second and third at Shielfield assumed an added significance. We've lost to both the Shire and the Borderers in recent weeks, with very little to choose between the two teams. Shire have perhaps the better of the two squads, and it showed on the park yesterday. The Larbert squatters held off a pisspoor and feeble attacking display from the home team, which faded into non-existence after the withdrawal of the injured Alan Brazil. Simon Lynch's goal was enough to secure all the points for Shire who, if they find a bit of consistency, are rapidly positioning themselves as the only team to seriously challenge the pre-eminence of the plastic permanently-indebted West Lothian joke. As for the Borderers, they're not out of the title race yet, six points off the top, but it's looking more likely that they will be making a play off appearance now after losing this crucial game.

Both other matches, of very little interest and watched by virtually no fans, finished 1-1; at Cliftonhill between the Wee Rovers and Hellgin Academy Sixth Form, and at freezing Stair Park where the Spiders were pegged back by the Stena Sealink Works XI, after taking an early lead.

Angus

Faarfir, as already noted, take the plaudits for masterminding an unlikely victory this weekend- the only team from the county to do so. Indeed, we managed the only other point, as our dear neighbours lost down the cost at Castle Greyskull in a hilarious see-saw match.

Weir has been girning all week in the papers about his injury crisis, and indeed was forced to name himself on the bench yesterday- a scenario thought unimaginable when he took the "job". Little surprise then that his awful cloggers endured a calamitous first half against the championship-chasing Binos, who strolled to a hilarious 3-0 interval lead. Hopes were raised of a San Marino-style cricket score, but unfortunately the Stirling club put on their carpet slippers and lit a pipe at half time, allowing the preposterously dreadful Maroon Malevolence back into it at 3-3. Alas for Weir and his volcanic temper! Just as he seemed through sheer willpower to have steered the rusting maroon sloop into a safe coastal inlet with a point intact, a brutal late torpedo from Michael Mullen sent the bad ship Smokie straight to the bottom with the loss of all hands. It was a delicious late twist worthy of Roald Dahl himself, and it really is hard to think of a more deserving recipient. The only slight annoyance was that the Bully Wee couldn't hold on for a draw at Ochilview, and send the Beetroot-Hued Laughing Stock to the bottom of the table whilst they were about it.

Finally, Retch-in slithered down the spine of Scotland to Clackmannanshire to take on the Wasps. In a fairly drab game, things didn't get going until the final fifteen minutes, with the home team scoring twice before McAllister's last-gasp consolation. All of this adds up to another frustrating awayday for the Village People from which they, yet again, emerge pointless. How many more soul destroying away defeats will the Hedge Park board absorb, before reaching for the ceremonial samurai sword above the board room fireplace, in preparation for a "frank discussion" with Jim Duffy after training?

Next Updates

Probably, there will be a media review tomorrow, and later on in the week a Spiders preview. I'm 90% certain to be there next Saturday, but after the report and round up from that game, there's likely to be a short "winter shutdown" on here. I'm definitely ruled out of the Boxing Day adventure in Hellgin, the first game I'll have missed since mid-August, but I'll be back with a new quill pen, and pot of sarcastic black ink, for the season-defining first fortnight in January; at home to Faaarfirrr, and away in the Cup at the Concrete Lavvypan.

Montrose 0-0 Annan Athletic

2009-12-12T18:36:00.003Z

A very cold, clear afternoon at Links Park today. The fog which has been lingering about in the last seventy hours was predicted by the forecasters to wreak havoc today, and I'm not sure that those of us who made it to Links Park should be thankful that they were wrong.

Change is afoot it would seem at Links Park. John Gemmell is absent with a back injury, and today's Courier had it that Paul Tosh is bound for Links Park. However, any deal wasn't done in time, so he didn't feature today. Instead, Stevie Nicholas, still listed as a "trialist", has signed a deal for the next couple of months. Nicholas started up front, and a clearly struggling Fraser Milligan started in his usual right sided role. Jim Moffat was also absent in the dugout for personal reasons, so the under 19 coaches came in for the game; on the bench was a youngster from the under-17 team, Martin Boyle. In blue, the lads lined up: McNeil, Hegarty, Sinclair, Campbell, Tweed, Crichton, Milligan, Davidson, Nicholas, Watson, Anderson.

Montrose attacked the Beach End in the first forty five minutes. In the first half, we passed the ball about pretty well as Annan started sluggishly. Watson was particularly prominent in the middle of the park, but both Annan centre halfs were in an uncompromising mood, too. The first real chance fell to Watson after about six minutes. Receiving the ball five yards beyond the centre circle, he dropped his shoulder and sent a half volley snapshot whistling towards the bottom right hand corner, forcing Kelly in the Annan goal to palm it wide.

The Annan dressing room must be stuffed with egos. Their defenders spent most of the first half having a go at one another, the most prominent whiners inevitably being Gilfillan (surprise), and their big no. 5. Annan are a well drilled team, but in the first half they were a yard off the pace, and it showed.

Montrose began to pile in a glut of chances from which, as is now tradition, they failed to score. From a left wing cross, an Alan Campbell back-header somehow failed to go in, after crashing off the underside of the bar. A tremendous move saw Watson unleash a firecracker of a right foot drive which Kelly, at full stretch, turned around the left hand post. And, "Scooby" Davidson, with the ball dropping at pace over his left shoulder, controlled it very well on the edge of the area and hit in a low drive straight at the hard pressed goalkeeper. We were profiting most from getting in behind Annan's creakingly slow back line, and playing the ball across the face of the goal, but sadly, we forgot this lesson in the second period.

After the break, Montrose sat far, far too deep and allowed Annan, who had clearly benefitted from a half time roasting, to take the initiative. McNeil made to outstanding saves- one of them, diving away to his right to keep out a net bound downward header, was breathtaking. Annan, in turn, began to get in behind us and balls zipping across the edge of the six yard box caused a god deal of trouble. Two or three Annan headers flashed narrowly over in the second half as they pressed for the opening goal. As the game wound down, a catastrophic mistake from Tweed allowed one of their forwards a clear run at goal; his low drive beat the onrushing McNeil, but cannoned back off the base of the left hand post.

The game, which had been quite open and even tempered for the first hour, became niggly and bad tempered as the final whistle approached. The referee, who up until the sixty minute mark had a very good game, seemed to lose his bearings completely. Watson, who had been injured, wasn't allowed back on the park for three minutes, for no reason. Gilfillan was booked, perhaps lucky not to be sent off, for raising his hands to Nicholas. This was as a result of an incident where Gilfillian- a loathsome Premiership ego in a Scottish third division football shirt- seemed to think Nicholas had "dived". Chris Jardine, a little pudding-bowled hobbit, was booked for a pretty crude foul in front of the home dugout. Inevitably, in response, Hegarty and Davidson were booked for "persistent fouling" on Annan players.

With two or three minutes remaining, we seemed to have weathered the second half storm, and had a gilt edged chance to score and record our first league win of the season. Hard work by Maitland, who had come on for Sinclair, and Anderson saw a dangerous diagonal ball played across the box, finding Nicol, lurking three yards out at the far post. Nicol had stolen a march on his Annan marker, and there seemed no way that he could miss. He did, improbably slicing the ball over the bar, technically more difficult to achieve than hitting the back of the net. Not only that, he hit the ball over the Dyna-Mo roof and into the car park. A real head-in-hands moment for everybody.

The final whistle, to everyone's great relief, came not long afterwards. There was a huge sense of frustration amongst the home support. On another day, we could have been two or three nil up at half time, but Annan will look back in regret at McNeil's saves and the chances they missed in the second half. All in all, a day of dire finishing and good goalkeeping, as two very poor teams once again cancelled one another out. It's as well that there is now a three week gap to the next home game when Fester's first footers show face on January the 2nd. By then, everyone should have forgotten about this grim, sterile stalemate.

Man of the Match: There's only really one contender today, and once again it's goalkeeper Andy McNeil who had two or three outstanding saves. Paul Watson had a good first half but faded badly along with the rest of the team after the break; Sean Crichton had a good game, too.

Crowd: was miniscule, we'll be lucky if 200 folk were there. Seven hardy souls made the long trek up from Galloway, and sat mutely behind their big Annan saltire throughout the match.

Annan Agricultural Preview

2009-12-10T09:28:00.004Z

Oof, it's mid-December and I think I'm getting my first bout of football fatigue this season. You know, there's tons to do at work and at home, probably limited time in which to do it, the contents of a small retail park to be purchased for the family Christmas, and various unpleasant bosses banging tables and demanding deadlines are met, before they go home and sob alone into their medicinal sherry on Christmas Day. With so much else on, a nothing game at home to Nanna seems about as appetising as a bowl of verruccas.

With my personal enthusiasm gauge reading "empty" for this game, there's a bit of bad news: internet rumours have it that Paul Watson has been dragged kicking and screaming back to the Smokies and is unlikely to be available for this game. The last thing I heard from my normal reliable sources, was that the club were having a tug of war with that turncoat Weir, but were losing. It's grim stuff, as Watson has been absolutely outstanding for the team in his loan spell and was becoming an important lynchpin in the middle of the park. By all accounts, Watson has really enjoyed being at Links Park and gets on well with the rest of the squad, and I'm sure in the longer term he could be tempted to sign a more permanent deal. Happily, in this morning's Courier, Weir, although not ruling out recalling this player, says he's unlikely to do so for now, as Watson would be sitting on the bench if so. Annoyingly that girning flatcapped pigeon fancier Fester is sniffing around as well, presumably having 387 ex-Dunfermiline players on the books still isn't a big enough squad for him.

The consolation is that the cretinous Maroon Malevolence "fans" seem to absolutely despise Watson- with a bit of luck they'll hound him out of the club, permanently. Under McGlashan, Watson was finished at A*****th; however, all bets are off under the new management and, with his team turning in appalling performance after appalling performance, Weir urgently needs Watson back to have a look at him. It's yet another annoying wait-and-see scenario. Personally, I'd break the bank to sign him, as he has been absolutely key to the improved showings since the beginning of the autumn.

Saturday sees our sixth league game against the Bucolic Farmhands. We've yet to beat them at Links Park, indeed we've only got the better of them once in five games- our first game down at Galabank. My blogging colleague skif reported on their inaugural game at LP, a 1-1 draw which took place whilst I was abroad; fortunately I missed Steven Tweed's managerial debut in a 3-0 home defeat to this team. A win is not only long overdue this season but against Annan, too. If a library book was this overdue, the borrower would be in court by now.

Unfortunately, the Galloway side rock up to the Home of Football unbeaten in three matches. Their last defeat was a hugely unjust odd-goal-in-three reverse to Fester's Former Full Time Failures at Station Park, Nanna being the first side not to benefit from a last-second equaliser at the atmosphereless Bridie HQ this term. Since then, they ground out a dire 0-0 draw at Cliftonhill (the point was a decent return, but the game shocking), beat Hellgin Academy Sixth Form 2-0 at Borough Briggs, and recorded a straightforward 3-1 win over the Spiders last Saturday. In putting together this decent little run, Nanna find themselves sixth in the table, four points behind Faaaaaaaaaaarrrrfirrr.

There is a sense of cracks being papered over at Galabank however. Crowds are down, as the "novelty" of League football wears off. It took the team a long time to get going this season and, barring a run to the Alba Cup semi finals, entertainment has been roughly on a par with that afforded by a Jimmy Tarbuck gig on a wet Tuesday night in Peterhead. Harry Cairney has tinkered, tactically hemmed and hawed, and changed formation and starting XI more times than a catwalk model changes outfits during a fashion show. Finally, in the last few weeks, he has reached the lowest common denominator, and begun sending out zero-skill-all-lung-power 3-4-3 formations, as he retreads last season's ghastly and miserable Route One tactics. It's working, though, so I imagine he will be little concerned by the aesthetic criticism of an obscure scribe on the internet.

Annan Agricultural are a *big* side, physically. Seemingly populated by ruddy faced farmhands who spend their week carrying a tractor under each arm up a steep mountainside, whilst simultaneously milking 300 goats, they are quite a formidable team to play against, and have one or two skilful players in their ranks. Bryan "Toilet Duck" Gilfillan seems to have settled down, finally, for the season, after flitting between Scotland and Australia for most of the past two seasons. Gilfillan's ego has not diminished any since his days trousering £28,000 a week at the Anvil Abusers, although a high opinion of his own ability on the basis of one cap for Northern Ireland's under-21 side induces little more than derisive laughter to be honest. He's a good player at this level, but must be annoying to play alongside, as he continually peppers his team-mates with less than charitable observations about their playing abilities, throughout the course of a game. And, of course, there's David Cox, whom we all know about, a choice of two good goalkeepers (Kelly has the upper hand over Summersgill at the moment, the amiable Geordie banished to the bench after an error-strewn performance in the cup humiliation at No Fans Rangers.) "Celebrity" blogger Chris Jardine will no doubt take caustic abuse about his vacuous on line ramblings on the BBC site again. Sadly, for his many admirers, Lee Hoolickin has been released this week and is no doubt off to make a determined effort to win the Player of the Month Award, in the Unibond League Division One (North).

The manager has a few selection problems. I'm not sure if Fraser Milligan will be out or not. With Aaron die to return to the left back position, time for another round of the popular parlour game, Where will Alan Campbell play this week? Hegarty and Davidson are likely to continue in midfield, and I'll be amazed if the Gemmell-down-the-left experiement is re-worked; I can see him and Anderson swapping places.

For months now on this blog I've been predicting that things are about to change, and our first win is coming. This weekend, I really don't know. I'll be there anyway, so you can find out how things went on here sometime either on Saturday night, or Sunday.

Media Review & Rest of the Weekend

2009-12-07T11:05:00.004Z

With the game not finishing before many of the sports sections of today's papers were finished, there's very little about the narrow defeat at Ochilview. Twed only appears fleetingly in the Scottish Tit n Bum" and his one line quote indicates a growing frustration at our inability to put away the chances that come our way.

Pride of place in today's press, though, is occupied by the hapless Press & Journal. People who don't read it often cite the paper as inward looking, parochial and at least twenty years out of date, citing their headline after the Titanic sank in 1912- ABERDEEN MAN DROWNS- as proof. Today's "report" will be grist to the mill for those who have that opinion of the P&J. According to today's issue, it would still appear to be 2008, David Hannah (!!!) is still the manager, and we lost 5-0 yesterday as Shire "muscled in on the third division play off race".

Whoops! One can only assume that it was the PeeandJay's Christmas do on Saturday night, and that a brutally hungover sub-editor let that one slip through the net in a bleak episode of the DTs yesterday. Whichever numpty was responsible, any lingering hangover will have been made much worse by a no-doubt purple faced high decibel bawling-out from the editor first thing this morning.

Third Division & Angus

With the Retch-in game off, and a match report up from Station Park, the Angus round-up this morning is obviously going to be brief. Not too brief, though, as we have to record yet another disaster for Jim Weir's Beetroot Stained Laughing Stock, on their travels. They managed what very few other teams have managed this season- recording a defeat at Broadwood against the epically abysmal Bully Wee. The Maroon Malevolence seemed to be on their way back to what passes for respectability in their terms, with a midweek 2-2 draw at Castle Greyskull with the Wasps, in front of a hardy dozen or so fans. Happily, normal atrocious service was resumed yesterday, as the pitiful Red Schichties lurched further into the swamp of relegation difficulty.

A pisspoor performance, and some decent saves from the Bully Wee's one player of note- goalkeeper Calum Reidford-sent Weir and his morale-bereft crew tumbling down the slippery slope to disaster, yet again. The poor old Bully Wee are having a genre-redefining awful season, obliged to rely on guys plucked from the juniors and paid £20 a week, just so that the club can survive what appears to be a financial situation somewhat less healthy than the national debt of the Central African Republic. They were still too good for A*****th, though, and the rank rotten nature of the Schichties, will give their conquerors hope that they can plot an unlikely course to avoid relegation, in the second half of the season.

I can't really be bothered summing up the rest of the third division action- everyone who was expected to win, won. The hardest game to call was at Galabank, where next weekend's visitors Annan Agricultural saw off the Spiders 3-1, in what sounds to have been a half decent performance. In this section, until our cup tie, we will also be keeping an eye on the results of our opponents Edinburgh City. The "Citizens", alas, were engulfed by a calamity at Ainslie Park, the new HQ of bitter East of Scotland League rivals Spartans. The Spartans subjected City to a comprehensive carpet-bombing, winning 7-0 in a match of embarrassingly one sided proportions. They thus condemned the Meadowbank side to their sixth defeat in ten league matches, leaving them treading water just above their league's relegation zone. City may still have been basking in the glow of their cup success over Marty Allan's pisspoor Keith, and Spartans determined to banish the bitter blow of that unexpected home defeat to Faaaarfir, but by any standards that is a terrible result.

I must find a new name for Keech, as well. Sadly for them, Marty Allan has decided to call it a day owing to increasing business commitments. Allan has been a great supremo of the Kynoch Park men, winning two Highland League titles with a near-amateur side, and he will be a very tough manager to follow. I remember the moustachioed Allan, alongside Colin Maver, forming a really steely and creative Montrose midfield in the first side I watched regularly, during 1990-1. I can still see him yet, in that gingham-check sky blue shirt, destroying the Sons in that December cup tie at Boghead...nearly twenty years ago. When one of your early heroes suddenly appears with grey hair and in middle age, one realises the quick passing of time.

What next? Retch-in are meant to be playing Wick tomorrow, but given that it's been pouring with rain since late last night, I'll be surprised if it goes ahead. If it does, I'm now 50-50 about heading up there for the game. If I do go, I'll stick up a quick summary on here on Wednesday. If I don't, then the next entry will be a preview of the visit of Annan Agricultural around the same time. It's been a busy few days on here and it's time for a writing break until later in the week.

East Stirlingshire (0)1-0 (0) Montrose

2009-12-06T18:28:00.005Z

On the way down to Ochilview today, the Perthshire hills were drenched in beautiful winter sunshine, and it was possible to see for miles. Alas, by the time Larbert hove into view, grey skies and a smirr of rain were in the air, with the wind getting up as the game wore on. Larbert always seems to be grey and rainy, as though preparing for a location shot for a never-to-be-commissioned Dickensian costume drama.

Tweed switched things around for today, with Hegarty returning to the middle of the park, Campbell dropping to left back, and, remarkably, John Gemmill re-invented as a left winger. Nicholas was paired with Anderson up front. Playing in white again, the lads lined up: McNeil, Milligan, Campbell, Hegarty, Tweed, Crichton, Nicholas (Trialist), Davidson, Gemmill, Watson, Anderson.

It was clear from the start that this Montrose side were up for it, in contrast to the apathetic and meek surrender to Berwick on Tuesday. Early on, Nicholas and Gemmill linked well down the carpark touchline but the final touch wasn't there. Nicholas, who had put himself about on Tuesday, looked a little tired from his exertions and wasn't as nippy today.

The first real goal threat came from Shire, though, as they broke in numbers down the standside touchline. The ball was crossed well across the face of goal, and their no. 11 (I think) found himself with the ball at his feet four yards out. However, he hadn't reckoned with Andy McNeil, who made another terrific one-on-one blocking save.

After that early scare Montose imposed themselves on the game, and dominated most of the first half with some fine passing football, against a Shire team that seemed rather disjointed and out of sorts. Milligan and Hegarty linked really well down our right; a whipped in cross was saved on the line, with Tweed desperately trying to get some purchase on it with a header. Again, with eighteen minutes gone, Milligan, Hegarty and Crichton exchanged passes, which ended with the burly midfielder flicking the ball, airborne, straight into the path of Nicholas- a real life FIFA 2008 move, that. "Scooby" Davidson got in on the action, winning a corner after yet more good work from Milligan and Hegarty, and Montrose won a couple of corners, from one of which Shire keeper Barclay seemed to pick up a knock.

For all our good approach play, we were still to force the hirpling Barclay into any kind of save. He easily claimed a dipping Milligan cross-cum-shot under his bar. However, the two chances we should perhaps have taken were just around the corner.

A short period of half hearted Shire pressure broke down, when the anonymous Lynch headed straight at McNeil from a corner. Montrose broke out, and suddenly a delightful through ball arced perfectly into the path of Anderson, who had burst clear of Shire's labouring back line. A yard ahead of their three defenders, Anderson had to make up his mind quickly as Barclay came off his line. he curled his right foot under thew ball and lifted it over the goalkeeper- and agonisingly wide of the angle of post and bar. Perhaps a drilled blast would have been a better option, but then it was a difficult chance to take.

Two minutes later, Montrose were awarded a free kick for a foul just in front of their fans, five yards in from the touchline. Players jockeyed for position in the box, as Paul Watson strode up to take it. His half-intended sand wedge of a set piece drifted onto the bar with Barclay stranded, crashed off the stanchion and out of play. I have no idea how many times we have hit the post and the bar this season, but our bad luck in this regard is getting beyond a joke.

Montrose went in at half time in the ascendancy, as Shire had failed to really get going at all in the opening period- certainly, they were a shadow of the pacy and quick thinking team that dismantled us at Links Park back in September. the bad news for us was that Fraser Milligan had pulled up with what looked like a twanged hamstring just before half time, and he was obliged to leave the field and be replaced by Daryl Nicol.

In the second half Shire were marginally better and we began to fade a bit as the half wore on. With Milligan gone our passing dipped a bit and, sad to say, Gemmill was a waste of a shirt down the left touchline today. Tomana came on for him midway through the second half, but wasn't able to make much more of an impact.

Shire's winner came with about twenty five minutes left. A series of short passes down our left bypassed Alan Campbell, who missed his tackle on Shire's no. 8. He cut in and played a beautiful ball to whoever the poodle-mulleted no. 6 is, who exchanged a one-two with Andy Rodgers. No. 6 bypassed a challenge, took a couple of steps, and from the edge of the area, just to the left of centre of the goal, hit a terrific rising left foot drive into the top left hand corner of the net- McNeil got close to it and did well to get that far. 1-0 Shire.

The loss of this goal clearly knocked the players confidence a bit and, in truth, we offered little for the remainder of the game. Shire moved it about nicely, brought on three subs, and did what they had to do to close out the game, which wasn't much.

In many ways this game provides a succinct summation of our season so far. When on form, we are as good a footballing side as any in the division. A casual neutral, watching this game and not knowing much about our league, would take some persuading that Montrose are nine points adrift at the foot of the table, and yet to win this season.

Yet, that is where we find ourselves. It doesn't really matter if you're a good footballing side if you can't score goals, and that is where we have fallen down. A side more ruthless in the final third would have buried a lacklustre Shire today, who were there for the taking. I'm not persuaded that tinkering with the side and playing guys out of position really brings much to the table either. I appreciate we have a very small group of players, needs must and all that, but Gemmill down the left was never going to work today.

However, having offered harsh criticism of Tuesday's "performance", it's good to be able to say that we were much, much better- in terms of sharpness and appetite for the battle. In the first half we were the better of the sides. With a bit of luck, we might have taken a point from this, which our efforts probably merited. But the bottom line is another defeat, and another scoreless afternoon, and yet another set of morning papers where the opposing manager will be saying "Montrose were unlucky and are in a false position". We really can't afford too many more of them.

Man of the Match: Two or three players stood out today. Andy McNeil in goal had another fine game, it's good to see him stringing together a few consistent performances after his injury. Paul Watson again worked really hard in the middle of the park and was the conduit for many of our attacks. But, for me Chris Hegarty edges it over these two, showing quite a bit of skill and ability, and never giving up throughout the game. Sometimes Chris seems to be not much more than a tough grafter, but today he showed there can be much more to his game than that. That airborne flick onto Nicholas half way through the first half, had the neutral Stenny fans pop eyed in disbelief. Well done!

Crowd: Always hard to judge at Ochilview, as there is only a view from one stand; it was pretty busy, though, so I'd reckon about 350-400. Of those, Montrose had a decent backing of 25-30. Amongst the fans were Sean Fleming, still very frustrated at his lengthy and difficult-to-diagnose injury, and a forlorn looking Gordon Pope, the poor man back on crutches. It was also good to have the backing of five Stenny fans, well known from Pie & Bovril, all in various states of being hungover (from the downright glaze-eyed catatonic, to the perky refusal to be intimidated by the baleful stare of the Black Dog) after their astonishingly one-sided victory over No Fans Rangers in the cup yesterday.

Today & Forfar 2, Albion Rovers 2

2009-12-05T18:13:00.002Z

So, I made it up to Brechin in good time today and turned off Trinity Road into a deserted car park. On the A90, angry, heavy grey-purple clouds seemed to be sat on top of the little town, much like a brown bear jealously guarding a captured fish. The cup tie had been called off at mid-day, and it's a grim story for the travelling Wick fans and the club. This postponement is likely to wipe out any profits from their cup run, and it looks like the game will now have to be played in midweek, which, I imagine, will rule out players with work commitments. Especially grim, too, for the fans, who had endured five hours on a bus for no good reason. I did think it was odd that there was a man wandering about Perth this morning with a Wick Academy scarf, presumably he'd decided to make a day of it somewhere else (frankly it's difficult to make an hour of it in Brechin).

Anyway, there was time to voyage down the the Land of the Bridie for the afternoon's visit of the Wee Rovers. Both teams had enjoyed Scottish Cup successes, and were looking to re-kindle slightly faltering league campaigns this afternoon. For Faaarfir, "Foxy" Fotheringham started in the no. 4 shirt, whilst the Rovers line up was pretty familiar from our encounter with them a couple of weeks back.

It was a contrast of styles. Forfar, as always, were physical, varying Route One with Route Two, whereas the Coatbridgers, wherever possible, passed the ball about really nicely on the ground. They took the lead early on after a splendid passing move, involving four players, saw Pollock (I think) free, eight yards out inside the box, and he had an easy task to roll the ball past Brown into the bottom right hand corner for the opener, which turned out to be the goal of the game.

Standing in the enclosure at Station Park is like finding oneself in the midst of a rather bad-tempered debate in the House of Lords. A small knot of elderly men alternately seemed to be asleep, occasionally waking up and shouting, before lurching into catatonia again. In most passages of the game, a strange library like silence endures (the fifteen or so noisy Albion Rovers fans being the loud truants outside the window). However, mistakes by the home team are seized upon mercilessly for caustic abuse. I timed the first shout of "This is fuckin' shite Campbell" at thirteen minutes this afternoon.

Rovers dominated the midfield for most of the half, with Paul Tyrell being particularly influential, breaking up Forfar moves forward and being a constant vocal encouragement to his team-mates. the linesman began to take stick for being a tad cautious with a couple of offside flags. Pollock should have scored a second when put clean through after a horrendous breakdown in communication between Forfar's defence and midfield, but he blasted wide when well placed. The Bridies, perhaps slightly against the run of play, equalised just before half time; a ball was fed in from the stand side across the face of goal, and Harty, lurking by the far post, struck the bouncing ball home after desperate last ditch attempts by Gaston and one of his defenders to block the ball.

In the second half, Forfar got on top of Rovers physically; Tyrell's influence waned, and they set up wave after wave of attacks. Harty put them in front with about an hour gone, with a decent low shot placed very well in the postage stamp between the diving Gaston's left hand and the far post, from about fifteen yards out. Even then this wasn't enough for the querulous geriatrics in the enclosure. The linesman once again was peppered with a near-constant stream of abuse, leavened with regular demands for Albion players to be sent off for no reason. Heart monitors began beeping ominously when a third goal for Forfar was rightly chalked off for a foul on Gaston; Forfar players piled in on top of him as he struggled to get both hands around the ball on the deck, in the footballing equivalent of the schoolroom nerd being duffed up in the khazi at break-time.

A home win seemed pretty much guaranteed, so, to avoid the horrible junction at the top of Carseview Road being packed with departing football traffic, I bailed out five minutes early. Silly me. Apparently, Rovers' Patrick Walker netted a desperately late equaliser to see the match finish at 2-2. Fester will be in the papers tomorrow complaining bitterly about this wasting of another two points, but, after their dominance in the opening half, Paul Martin and his team will feel they have got their just desserts from the game. Tyrrell and Donnelly were particularly good for Rovers, whereas it was hard to pick out anyone, really, for praise from a pretty out of sorts home side. Leading scorer Ross Campbell had a very quiet game, "Foxy" was peripheral and hooked after about seventy minutes, Kevin Fotheringham looked a little lost as well. For the players they have in the squad, Forfar should be doing much better than they are. However, they are too reliant on muscle and physicality, and too little reliant on the skill and ability some of their team have.

Odd to say it, but it looks like the experienced Fester is struggling to get the best out of his players. If they keep playing like that, Forfar have no chance whatever of seriously troubling the play off places this season; Rovers, meanwhile, will be much happier with their point, and working on not being bullied out of games in their next few training sessions. Anyway, back to the real stuff tomorrow.

Brechin-Wick Replay and Shire Preview

2009-12-04T11:58:00.004Z

All aboard the Hedgetrimming charabanc! Tomorrow, I'm one of quite a few Montrose fans travelling through to Hedge Park to see if Wick can continue their form of the first hour of last Saturday's cup tie at Harmsworth Park. The gallant Scorries, you'll recall, led Jim Duffy's pitiful outfit 4-2 with 60 minutes on the clock, and a seismic Scottish Cup upset seemed on the cards. Subsequently, two late goals, as the Highland Leaguers tired badly in the final quarter of the game, set up a barely deserved replay this weekend.

There's been much chatter about Duffy's general touchline demeanour this week on the internet. It's fair to say that a majority of the Village People are less than impressed with their manager, after a stuttering stop-start campaign. Duffy's patronising and disrespectful pre-match comments- suggesting that Wick weren't much more than a pub team, and wondering idly if he would need his passport- wrote the Wick pre match team talk for them, and very nearly resulted in a dire calamity. Reportedly, Duffy stood motionless in the dug out for most of the game, unable to inspire his lethargic players, and this has irritated a section of the home support hugely.

Add this to a seemingly haphazard set of summer signings (one Brechin player was freed, then signed again a fortnight later as no one else was available), losing out to awe-inspiring titans such as Stenny in the transfer market, and a complete inability to turn in any kind of performance away from home, and it's fair to say that Duffy has built up a healthy band of critics. The consolation for the alopecian gaffer lies in the fact that Retch-in have a very good home record, and that he can't be as arrogant again about the nature of his opposition.

The worries are still there, however. believe it or not, Wick seem better away from home, having firstly accounted for bankrupt Clach in the first round, then, perhaps slightly flatteringly, dismantled Girvan Juniors 4-1 in Ayrshire to setup the Retch-in clash. They have a number of young and very pacy attackers and a combative midfield, let down perhaps by a defence that's a little naive and lacking in pace. Wick source many of their players locally, or from the ranks of those who don't make the grade at Ross County's renowned youth academy, so they are no skill-free hammer throwers. Captain Martin Gunn served out an apprenticeship at the Arabs, whilst upfront Sam MacKay and Richard Macadie are two young strikers who are free scoring and the envy of many of their divisional rivals- these are their three players to watch. I expect a tight game with quite a few goals, but, even with all the grumblings behind the scenes, I really can't see anything other than a Retch-in win tomorrow. It's going to be nice spending a first Saturday since mid-August as a disinterested neutral, safe in the knowledge that whatever the result, it won't make or break the rest of the weekend.

Believe it or not, the last game I attended as a neutral was at the beginning of 2008, when I ill-advisedly decided to take in Carnoustie against Bathgate Thistle. Back then the West Lothian side had more money than most second division sides, and, with their team featuring the likes of Paul McGrillen and Kevin Haynes, they ran right through a dolorously slow and questionably fit home team, under the "guidance" of the hapless "Flax". It was also a struggle to stay upright at Laing Park as a ferocious sea wind swept right across the park- it was mid week before my body returned to something approaching a normal temperature. Certainly, such a long battle against hypothermia was not justified by the titanically poor fayre on offer that day-both teams were dreadful in a dreadful match.

Shire Sunday

Oddly, the main action takes place on Sunday and it will be strange to be taking a seat in the soulless plum plastic of Ochilview Park to watch the lads, instead of getting on with the usual thrilling Sunday tasks, like sourcing a tin of Pledge from Asda, or emitting a discordant sequence of rumbling snores in front of the Eastenders omnibus. The lads, following a truly soul-destroying defeat on Tuesday, will be looking to forget that quickly and turn in an improved performance against one of the division's frontrunners. Already, manager Tweed has hinted at changes, with Aaron Sinclair set to be rested for the first time this season. Hegarty returns after the end of his suspension and he is likely to take a place in midfield, or drop in again at right back with John Maitland making a start for the first time since his sickening bashed head at Galabank.

Other than that, it's hard to see too many changes being made. Stevie Nicholas will doubtless start again alongside John Gemmell and I'm really looking forward to seeing him play with a couple of games behind him. Nicholas was a relentless pain in the arse in the black and gold of East Fife a few years back, and it's always gratifying to have a skilful and tricky wee player like that doing it to another team instead. It will also be telling if Tomana returns to first team action or not. One or two fans have suggested that the little Slovak is away home in January, which will be sad if it's true. If he is, then we're likely only to have fleeting glimpses of him before his departure. That said, a game like Sunday's- against a good team who try and play the ball on the ground- may be ideally suited to the "Maradona of the Tatra Mountains". Tomana behind an attacking spearhead of Gemmell and Nicholas would be a real statement of attacking intent, from Tweed. The worst thing we could do is go there, defend in numbers and hope for a 0-0 draw. Sunday's game calls much more for something like the Forfar performance, where we attacked continuously without giving up. This would be my team: (4-4-2) McNeil, Milligan, Maitland, Campbell, Tweed, Davidson, Tomana, Hegarty, Gemmell, Nicholas, Anderson.

That said, I will be very happy with a much improved showing, and a point, as we wind up for our next realistically winnable game- at home to the struggling Annan Agricultural on December 12th. So, see you at Glebe Park, or in the depressing suburban skidmark of Stenny, or both- and, if neither, see you on here for another painful gust of rhetorical flatulence over the course of the weekend. The Retch-in v Wick match report will go up on Saturday, our game's report on Sunday and, the usual round up and side-clutching pointing and sniggering at Jim Weir's Beetroot-Stained Laughing Stock, whenever I can be arsed early next week.

MON THE MO!!!!

Montrose (0) 1-3 (1) Berwick Rangers

2009-12-02T11:01:00.004Z

A swirling southerly wind at Links Park last night, as milder weather chased away the weekend cold snap. Giant slices of rain swept across the park, trapped in the floodlit glare, as this game was played out in near-Spain Park conditions.

With Hegarty sitting out the second game of his suspension, manager Tweed was obliged to tinker again. New striker Stevie Nicholas, formerly of East Fife, Partick and Queens' Park, took to the pitch in the no. 7 shirt as a trialist. Alan Campbell filled in as left back whilst Tweed partnered Crichton in central defence. Nicholas played alongside Gemmill upfront, with Anderson moving out to the right midfield. The lads, in blue, lined up: McNeil, Milligan, Sinclair, Campbell, Crichton, Tweed, Nicholas (Trialist), Davidson, Gemmill, Watson, Anderson. The bench was the same as on Saturday.

Berwick began the match kicking towards the Dyna-Mo, with the wind largely at their backs. They began much the better of the two sides, passing and moving the ball as well as the wind would allow them to. The strength of the wind saw the ball refusal to stand still from set pieces and free kicks. Throw ins and crosses from the Knoll side either held up, or boomeranged out of play comically. Quickly, Berwick realised that it was a better idea to try and play down their right, and they penned in a lacklustre and dilettante Montrose for most of the half.

They took the lead on the quarter hour. Having won a corner, the ball was whipped in across the face of goal, skiffing the barnet of Tweed on the way. Unforgivably, the smallest man on the park, Fraser McLaren, was lurking unmolested at the far post. As three blue shirts stood rooted to the spot, the winger nodded the ball down, hard, onto the ground. It bounced up into the roof of the net. 0-1, and a really soft goal that would have caused irritation and embarrassment in a training ground bounce game, let alone in a competitive fixture. Tweed angrily remonstrated with Gemmill, who was blamed for McLaren's free pass at the edge of our six yard box.

Playing into the fierce wind, Montrose struggled to make any progress. Indeed, the visitors dominated the first half so completely that they will have felt that just a single goal was paltry reward for their efforts. On around twenty five minutes, Crichton appeared to be blown over as he attempted to clear the ball from the semi circle; his sclaff sat up and begged in front of Berwick's no. 8. The player strolled purposefully into the area and seemed almost certain to score, but was denied by a rush from the goal line and a brave and decisive save by neon-green clad McNeil, in a one-on-one situation. Five minutes later the same situation presented itself, someone else got in a horrible fankle inside the area and Berwick had another chance. The outcome was again the same, McNeil spreading himself at the player's feet and blocking powerfully. Still the visitors gave him more work to do. From a free kick, taken five yards outside of the box on the standside touchline, a frighteningly dangerous dipping ball came straight on top of McNeil's head, as both sides joeckeyed for position, in some bizarre variant of the Eton Wall game. Calmly, McNeil rose and claimed the ball amidst all this mayhem, easing the pressure for us again.

We had only one attack of note in the first half, which I had a poor view of, refusing to leave the sanctuary of the Dyna-Mo, unlike the twenty or so saturated desperadoes who insisted on taking up a vantage point on the Beach End. Some decent running from Milligan and Anderson down the standside touchline saw the ball fed into Stevie Nicholas, who had made a good run into a central position just inside the area. Nicholas, taking a couple of deft touches, lifted the ball over that mankini model Peat, but unfortunately the ball held up in the wind, and was cleared off the line by a retreating Berwick centre half.

At half time we clung to the hope that Berwick had had the better of the conditions in the first half, and that, with the wind at our backs in the second, we would come right back into it. And, for fifteen minutes or so, that proved to be the case. Milligan began probing down the right, linking up quite well with Anderson. Nicholas, for someone meant to be unfit, had quite a turn of pace about him and a good awareness of the play. Peat, who was as underemployed as a Wearside shipwright in the first half, had to sweat a little bit for his evening's brown envelope, diving low to grasp a Watson shot on the turn. He wasn't so lucky on the hour, when Watson jumped high to meet a Milligan cross, eight yards out, and glanced a fizzing low header into the bottom right hand corner of the net. Peat got a right hand to it, but the ball had too much momentum behind it to keep it out. 1-1, the Dyna-Mo in good voice, and just the faintest echo of Saturday's passion sounded in our play.

For some reason, though, we seemed to lose all traction after our equaliser. Although Berwick were rocking visibly at this point, as we buzzed around their penalty area, they held us out, and began to impose themselves in the middle of the park again. With quarter of an hour to go Brazil put them in front again, and it was the goal that killed the game. Picking the ball up just inside the area, unmarked, from a cross, Brazil cracked a whistling low drive past the helpless McNeil, with our defence completely AWOL.

After that, Berwick realised that they had a grip on our throat that they weren't going to give up. They set the seal on a battling victory in the last minute and, again, it was a sickeningly easy finish for McLaren. A free kick, about thirty yards out, floated in a perfect parabola over our paralysed defence, and again the unmarked McLaren only had to nod briefly to send the ball whistling into the top left hand corner.

There was singificant discontent for the first time this season at the final whistle. Tweed was peppered with flak on the woeful defending that the fans had witnessed. We have backed a struggling team loyally and in good numbers all season. Most of us know we will toil in the league, and have already accepted many defeats to better sides, if we have tried our best. For the first time in months, fans left Links Park feeling that this was a Montrose team which had given nothing like full effort or application over the course of the game. Berwick are a workmanlike and well drilled team- nothing more- but we made them look much better than that.

Overall, this game showed that Montrose are a side suffering from bi-polar disorder. After the very rare high, one knows that a crashing low is coming hurtling round the corner. I hope Tweed has not only made the players well aware of the unacceptably dire nature of our display, but also has the necessary changes in mind for the weekend, in response. This evening we were the the immobile geriatric rabbit paralysed in the headlights of Berwick's onrushing Range Rover. Hopefully, on Sunday, Montrose will put this behind them, and put in a combative ninety minutes at Ochilview, erasing this bloody skidmark of a performance from the memory banks.

Man of the Match: Hard to award after such a depressingly poor drop in performance. For me, of the outfielders, only Milligan, Paul Watson and trialist Stevie Nicholas were any good. The rest were either below par, or still basking in the glow of the weekend. However, my man of the match goes to goalkeeper Andy McNeil, who made two or three remarkable stops in the first half. Had McNeil not left the dressing room like the rest of the defence, this result would have been much, much worse. Well done Andy.

Crowd: The ground was worryingly empty as the game kicked off, but the crowd swelled to about 240, most of whom sought sanctuary in the Dyna-Mo. Half a dozen or so made the trip up from Northumberland.

Fourth Round : Edinburgh City @ The Concrete Lavvypan

2009-11-30T14:43:00.002Z

Well, I wanted Edinburgh City, but instead of Links Park, we must travel to the capital to face the Citizens at the Concrete Lavvypan, a venue we haven't been at since the demise of Meadowbank Thistle.

A good draw, an exciting tie which both sides will feel they have a chance of winning through, to face one of the "big boys" in Round 5. If Montrose are to make it through, that will represent our best cup run for many, many years. This is an old rivalry; in the 1930s, ourselves and City had regular jousts with one another to avoid finishing bottom of the old Second Division, with City usually ending up with the wooden spoon.

However, these days, City are a decent East of Scotland league side, have ambitions to get themselves into the League in the future, and they will see this tie as a real chance to prove that point. We're in for a tough game, on Saturday 9th Janaury.

Media Review :Shire Re-Scheduled: Borderers Preview

2009-11-30T12:09:00.004Z

Media

Today's media focuses on Steven Tweed and John Gemmill. Tweed, in all the papers, pronounced himself "delighted" with Saturday's victory and dedicated the result to the home support, whose loyal weekly backing he acknowledges. Gemmill, meanwhile, in the Scottish Tit n Bum, dedicates his winner to the East Fife fans, who had been giving him some stick throughout the game- they don't much care for him, apparently. Meanwhile, a crestfallen Stevie Crawford admits that his side were very poor and didn't really turn up, and that Montrose thoroughly deserved their victory. That's about it for coverage of our game, in the Scottish Cup pages dominated by coverage of Irvine Medda deservedly basking in their victory over the laughable Maroon Malevolence, and of Wick's 4-4 draw with lucky, lucky Retch-in.

Shire Super Sunday

On that subject, next Saturday's game with Shire has been postponed for 24 hours, as Stenny have first dibs on their ground for their re-arranged cup tie with No Fans Rangers, which was abandoned due to thick fog at the weekend, with the score at 1-1. Conventional wisdom suggests that the game will go ahead on Sunday, 6 December, kick off time not yet known. This has yet to be officially confirmed by the SFL, but when it is I shall let you know as soon as I do, on here. Assuming the game does go ahead on Sunday, a blockbusting weekend of football is in prospect. On Saturday, I shall be heading to Hedge Park to see the Village People try to make the most of the massive slice of fortune they had, in their replay against the Scorries, before heading through to Ochilview on Sunday. As always reports of both games and a round up of everything else, including the latest calamity to engulf Jim Weir's Burgundy-Hued Laughing Stock, will be available on here.

Borderers, Tuesday night, k.o. 1945hrs

So, after the Lord Mayor's Show at the weekend, back to the old clothes and porridge of the Third Division, and Tuesday night's re-scheduled visit of the Borderers. The game, you'll remember, was postponed in tragic and bizarre circumstances a week past on Saturday. Some of the reactions of one or two Northumbrian fans on Pie & Bovril to the postponement, has added a little bit of needle to an otherwise humdrum league encounter. The causal reader, wading knee deep through their dementedly verbose fury at the late call off, would have thought that Montrose deliberately engineered the closure of the A90 for no good reason, before Steven Tweed personally led a medieval-style sacking raid on the Border fortress, setting fire to the town and kidnapping the women and children of Berwick to sell them into slavery, whilst all the menfolk were out of town. The mood of their small travelling support will not have been improved by a dispiritingly one sided 1-5 heavy artillery barrage in the Cup at Dingwall on Saturday, although we have suffered our own five goal defeat up at Victoria Park this season, and it's pretty hard to read too much into that result.

Anyway, onto the game. The Wee Rangers, who stuttered a little bit after beating us 2-0 at Shielfield in September, have been building a good sequence of league results again, with the further incentive that victory tomorrow night will see them up into second place, four points behind runaway Livingslime. Realistically, only Jimmy Crease's side and the Jekyll-and-Hyde Shire have any chance of preventing the loathsome Franchise of winning the title this season. Their task for now is not to let the West Lothian Frankenstein club build up too much of a lead, before they *allegedly* turn part time in January. (Slight digression: Livingslime were fined for scratching their first game of the season, and are unlikely to face a points deduction, no surprises there then).

Jimmy Crease has overseen two wins and two draws in their last four league matches. Possibly the most impressive of those results was a 1-1 draw at the yellow plastic pustule of Almondvale, a game in which the 5p in the pounds were hugely fortunate to emerge with a point. The Borderers are the only league side to have taken anything at the Barratt-Estate-of-the-Very-Near-Future Stadium this term, to add to their hilarious August defeat of Scotland's most hated club. Wins over the Stena Sealink Works XI at Stair Park, and at home to the Wee Rovers in the by now notorious "Bye Bye Bobby Barr" match, have kept the momentum going, although taking only a point from the awful Amateur Arachnids at Shielfield, in their last league outing, must count as a painful dry boak.

Berwick have surprised most observers of this league this time around. After going through a protracted behind the scenes civil war, then an equally protracted takeover, the club had become something of a joke on the park, between their League Title in 2007 and the end of last season. Most expected a season of lower-mid table consolidation this time round before they began to be competitive again. However, Berwick are a classic boom-and-bust lower league side, and it looks like this season is the start of a new upward cycle for them.

Manager Crease is of the old fashioned kind, and seems to have been hanging about Shielfield in some capacity or other for as long as I've been following the game. A calamitous start to a Division Two campaign in 1996-7 (successive 0-6 defeats, 20 goals conceded in the opening six games with just one goal scored) put paid to his first spell as a manger and, indeed, an optimist then, would have seen a sinecure as director of football, with someone like Spittal Rovers, in Crease's future. However, to his great credit, he has done a Bobby Vee and come bouncing back to Shielfield, putting together a tough and experienced side who have competed very well so far. I'm sure Mark Peat and Elliott Smith, and the deadly baggage handling ex-Smokie Alan Brazil, will be given an er, warm and friendly welcome, as always, by the home support. Jamie Ewart at the back has put in some commanding performances this term. Fraser McLaren is the man to watch in midfield, a lively and dangerous player who reads the game very well, whilst, up front, Crease has plenty of potent options, and Ian Little, to choose from.

For us, I'm told a new striker with a very good League pedigree will be signed and available for this game and, if this all pans out as expected, I'd suggest he'll be starting up front alongside Gemmill. No, it's not the disappeared-into-the either Patrick "the Fridge" Deane, or David McGowan, either, but I'm sworn to secrecy and you'll just have to turn up and see who it is tomorrow. Chris Hegarty will serve the second match of his suspension, paving the way for Marek Tomana to return to the midfield alongside "Scooby" Davidson. I don't have any further info on knocks or breakings-down-in-training, so I'd expect the rest of the lads to continue from Saturday's successful XI.

Asking part time teams to turn out and put in ninety minutes twice in seventy two hours is always a bit of a lottery, in that one never knows what kind of game to expect. I can remember, after our legendary 5-1 Cup win at Station Park in 2004, that we went to Cowdenbeath three days later in the league, and played out one of the most flat, sclaff-strewn and timid 0-0 draws I've ever witnessed. (The "official" attendance that night was 145, but I would swear that there were fewer than 100 people in the ground for that one). Nonetheless, I'm hopeful that, after experiencing the raw euphoria of an unexpected cup win at the weekend, that the lads can continue on from that and record their first league success of the season, in front of what will hopefully be a good midweek crowd. See you there!

MON The MO!!!!!!

Whatever Happened to Eddie Wolecki?

2009-11-29T19:05:00.002Z

This has been idly mentioned by a few fans this season. There hasn't been time to mention this before now, but there was a feature piece in this week's Glasgow Herald, featuring Eddie and his role as manager of Glasgow City Ladies, currently Scotland's best women's team. His brief spell at Montrose is also mentioned.

Article here

It's been quite a year for Montrose managers being featured in the broadsheets!